I want to call the police but i love my father?

Question

I posted on here a while ago about the problem's i'd been having with my family. my dad hit me again after I tried to sit my parents down and explain my feelings to them about my sexuality and how i really needed them, my mom started to cry and see where i was coming from but my dad just got angry and hit me andpushed my mom when she tried to stop him. He gave me a black eye and i sprained my wrist when i was running away from him. My mom is trying to set it up with my cousin so i can stay with him until my dad calms down. All of this is killing me inside, i just want my dad to love me like he did before. I'm honestly thinking that i should just tell him it was a phase i was going through, which is what he thinks and going back into the closet. Things with my gf are becoming morestrained and my brother who was always on my side is now staying away from me because my dad is hard to be around when he's in one of these moods. I'm scared for what he might do next should i call the police

I love my father and like said before he was never violent before this. I keep holding onto the hope that maybe he'll love me like he did before but my confidence is waning. I'm getting scared and if the set up with my cousin falls through i'd have no place to go. I'm taking peoples advice fron the last post and i'm looking for a job and trying to stay out of the house and away from gay issues while around him but it just feel like now he absolutely hates me and i don't know what to do. If anyone has any advice any guidance i just don't know what to do anymore. It feels like once things start getting better, they get worse than before. Without my girlfriend or my brother i feel so alone

Answer 1

DO NOT CALL THE POLICE.
What do you think will happen when the police are called? It has been several days or hours since this occurred so likely he will not go to jail.
But what if he does go to jail? What do you think will happen to you and your brother? What about court fees, your dad loosing his job? your parents etc? This would tear your family apart for good. And, if he does not go to jail what do you expect to happen? You think that your Dad will say "oh you were right? I am sorry?" Your family will be devistated over this one call.

I am not saying that he has a right to hit you, but at the same time, your future actions dictate much in the way of how your family will survive (or not). In the case of where he hit you and does not beat you, calling the police is uncalled for.

If he hits again then go live elsewhere. I would even consider it now if I were you, at least until things pass over for him. Eventually he will see things in a differant light.
I am a dad of 6 kids; he will always love you. He is mad, but now is the time to give him space. Do NOT change who you are or pretend to be someone you are not.

Notice that all those who say call the police or he is a bad man etc. have no regard as to your future relationship with him or ask about his past. If, as you seem to potray, that you and he were very close, then he is doubtfully a bad person but made a normal emotional outburst. Though wrong, it is done. If you are looking to have a future relationship give him space; stay at a friends for awhile.
As for your gf...she should be supportive as this is very hard. If she is not, consider that she may be the wrong person.

Answer 2

You are going through a tough time, but keep in mind that your father is too. That said, his way of dealing with your news was not appropriate and if anyone should have called the police, it should have been your mother. Sure, she tried to stop him... but when that didn't work... where were her maternal instincts.
Also, going back into the closet will not help with any of this. My brother came out to my parents years ago and when the reaction was bad (not violent though) he told them that it was only a phase and he was over it. Well, he ended up comming out again and the hurt affected my parents harder... and it just became an overall dramatic affair between phases and acceptance. I have his back and always will, but his fear the first time around led to more pain the second time around. Be yourself... and stand by what you've already said.
If your father strikes you again, call the cops for sure. Until then, try talking to him from a distance... via emails or over the phone. Give him the chance to calm down... and hope that that helps. If it doesn't, you've got a solid back up plan. Violence solves nothing.
Good luck to you through this trying time. Be strong... and have faith.
God Bless.

Answer 3

If I were there I'd give you a big hug. I am so sorry to hear your story. My dad has never hit me, but i've seen him beat up my mom a bunch of times and was always tempted to call the police, but I never did because like you, I love my father as well. Calling the police on a loved one is easier said than done. My advice to you sweetheart would be to maybe talk to him one on one and if things hit the fan, then call the police. Your father knows it's wrong to beat you and if your tears and sadness aren't enough for him to stop then a strong third party needs to step in ( the police ). He just wants what is best for you I guess, and that would be (in his eyes) for you to be with a man, but you can't deny who you love. Be strong. Things will get better. There is light at the end of your tunnel - might just take a little while to see it. Best wishes, stay strong and do what you feel is right.

Answer 4

I'd say you've got a brother and a mother to think about. Definitely do something. That's unacceptable behavior, and the longer he gets away with it, the more he'll feel he's entitled, and the harder it will be for any of you to do anything to stop it. Definitely try to go for the cousin thing, but then definitely call the police; or at least do SOMETHING. Family counseling's probably going to be a step in there at some point; might not be a bad starting place.

Answer 5

I don't know about you family history, finances, etc. Abuse is abuse. I am all for punishment when someone has misbehaved, but what was your crime. A person does not choose their sexual preference, and your punished because he was more interested in you living up to his mental image than to take the time to change his mental image to fit reality and to know you.

He is physically abusing you. If this has never happened before, than it could be because he does not know how to cope with the news. This should be his problem, not yours. You should tell the police. Wither or not you fill charges, most cities have programs that would help council your family and help them deal with it.

If being gay is the only issue, and you do well at school, not on drugs, or an unwed mother, your father just doesn't realize how lucky he is and how small that problem is in big scheme of things.

Answer 6

Honey, you really really need to get some help. And if you do not want to be the one to call the police. Then I will do it for you. Simply email me at [e-mail].

The fact that you are a lesbian does not give ANYONE on the face of this earth to abuse you. I do not care WHO the person is. Nor how much you love him. Yes, that is your father. However he does not have the RIGHT to abuse you. Just because you are a better person, and you love him. That does not make it RIGHT.

It would be the same situation if you was straight and was with someone of another race. It would be the same situation if you was straight and have an abusive boyfriend or husband.

IT IS A CRYING ******* SHAME FOR A WOMAN OR CHILD TO BE ABUSED BY SOME SON OF ***** WANT TO BE "MAN."

LIKE I SAID I will contact the police for you if you want the help.

Answer 7

Find the non-profit agency in your community that deals with abused women and children. They may operate a shelter, where you could stay temporarily, but even if you can stay home, or stay with your cousin, they will offer some counseling on how to come to terms with dealing with your father's phyisical abuse.

I know you don't want to get him into any trouble, and that's very understandable, but he'll be in a heap of trouble if he seriously injures or kills you or your mother over this. So better you get help now, from some people who can help you put your father in a space where he'll have to find a more appropriate way of dealing with his anger/fear/frustration or whatever it is he is feeling.

Please don't make excuses for him, or delay in getting help. You could be seriously hurt, and that would not help him either!

Answer 8

I'm so sorry that you're going trhrough this with your family. It's best that you're not around your dad right now since he's physically assaulted you(and he had NO right to do that, so don't blame yourself, y'here?!). Try to work things out with your girlfriend, sweetie. The next time your father puts his hands on you, you have to call the police. Violence is violence, and what your father did is considered a hate crime in most states. File a restraining order if you feel that terrified and leave your family alone for awhile. Good luck, baby and take care!

Answer 9

Adam G. is correct. Your father apparently can NOT control himself and next time it might not be your wrist- what if he pushes you and you fall and even break your spine?! You may love your father but you aren't in a safe place, the police wont do anything terrible to your father but if you don't report him you may not be able to walk away loving him with only a sprained wrist. If your father loves you back- your happiness will become important to him.

You do not need to sacrifice yourself because of your father homophobia- call the police.

-Alika613

Answer 10

He does love you. He loves you so much that he doesn't know how to react when suddenly he realizes who you are. Do not go back into thay closet, becuase it is a hard place to get out of. Do not tell him a lie about yourself, but don't flaunt it either. Get out of that place as soon as you can and be what you are. I'm not gay, but I have a lot of respect for people that are open about it. There is no shame in being gay, no more than there is in being straight. Keep fighting, kid. You'll get out of this better off than you think.