What do you think could be going on?

Question

My husband works long hours all the time. I mean, i call him at work and he calls me all the time so i know hes there, but hes always working. I keep asking him why. He says to pay the bills. Well, the cell phone got cut off today along with the cable. Other then that, we dont have that many bills. We make so much $ and i give him a lot of extra money so he'll put it in our savings. He hasnt been saving the whole time. Last night, when he got home, i dressed up for him and did a strip tease and he just picked a fight for no reason & went to bed. What do u think could be going on? Im so upset. He used to have a gambling problem years ago. When i ask him, he treats me like im a stupid child and doesnt take me seriously. I guess cause i keep talking about it & asking him. He'll roll his eyes and put the balame on me. He makes tips so i dont know what he does with his money, Only his actual paychecks. Help! He never takes me seriously!

Also, ive havent been spending a dime on me or on anything.

WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM SO HE'LL TAKE ME SERIUOSLY?

Answer 1

Well, if the cell and cable bill got cut off today and you both are making money I would also wonder what is going on with the money. If he has a gambling problem that might be where it is going to. Of course he blames you that way it takes it off of him, that is the way someone will react when they know they are wrong. You both need to be talking about what is making him work so many hours and some of the bills aren't being paid. You need to let up about his gambling problem and focus more on the marriage.

Answer 2

Well, first of all I would like to say that there is no excuse for his behavior( referring to the strip tease). How humiliating!

I don't blame you for asking him a lot about what is going on...the fact that he gets so angry makes me think he is hiding something. Perhaps his gambling problem has returned.

I have been in your shoes before in that my husband has been known to not take me seriously too. What I have found that does the most good is to plant a seed now and then. Just make a direct statement and leave the room. If you wait for his reaction, you will only get more of the same since he doesn't act like he takes you seriously. An example would be to say, " I wonder how seriously you will take me if I just up and leave one of these days...dont' think I won't", then just leave the room. Don't give him a chance to respond, and if you don't get the reaction you are wanting, don't give up there. Continue to do the same thing now and then..just plant a seed...sometimes statements like that make people pay attention more than asking...and arguing, etc.

My husband used to tell me that he needed his space all of the time. Now, If you could see how little I bothered him about things, you wouldn't believe that he would say such a thing! So, instead of doing all of the things that didn't work, like saying....I am trying to give you your space but I need to talk now and then( which didn't work), I started responding with, " You are just about to get ALL of the space you need"! You know what? It worked. I hope you have the same luck, if not with my advice then maybe by someone else on here. I know it's tough! Good luck!

Answer 3

If your husband had a gambling problem before, it sounds like he might be having a problem again. If all your money is mysteriously disappearing and he is irritable then he might be gambling again and just hiding it from you.
Gambling addiction is serious and he needs to get help. He needs to get into counseling or gambler's anonymous. In the meantime, you should start handling the money and making the deposits so that you can pay the bills. Tell him the truth about it - that you don't understand where the money is going and you don't see why the phone/cable have been shut off. There is nothing wrong with you taking charge of the money in a situation like this.

Answer 4

Wow, you must be very frustrated. You better trust your instincts and think seriously about getting a private detective and/or a lawyer. Sounds to me like your husband is either having an affair or is back gambling again. As his wife you have every right to understand your family finances. Ask that he sit down with you tonight and go over the bills; do not take no for an answer. If he doesn't cooperate, then you better get out the calculator and figure it out yourself. You could be held liable for any debts he piles up. It's your life, too, and you deserve his respect.

Answer 5

Yoou have no children...if he's having issues then you need to reevaluate your relatioinship with you. If you're a newlywed then this is as good as it gets. If he's treating you poorly now then he will most likely treat you very badly later when you're fat from a pregnancy and the luster of your new relationship has gone away. In other words put him on a "get well" program..if he doesn't shape up then you need to "dump him". YOu don't want to have children with this guy. He'd be working all of the, estranged from you and estranged from his children. That's not what you want for yourself OR your children. Also his actions smell like he's gambling again. Lots of work...lots of aloneness and lots of disassociatioin from his wife.

Check out the following web-site. It can answer your questions better than I can. It will also give you a "bird's eye" view of a guy's psyche.

http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

Good luck

Answer 6

First, I think you need to understand his gambling addiction. I am not saying he is gambling, but research gambling addictions and you may find it is something they combat for the rest of their lives. Someone once told me addictions are usually accompanied by other addictions - crutches. For example alcoholism, sex addiction, shopping addiction, workaholic, smoking, etc. To overcome an addiction a person must acknowledge it and want to overcome it. However, addictions usually develop because people don't have the skill and/or tools to cope. They may not even recognize they are doing it or know why let alone express it. It is also common for them to project their wrongs and/or feelings onto other people.

Second be sensitive to the fact that he is tired, stressed, worried, ashamed of his past and/or current addiction, whatever. Yes, you are hurting, angry, confused, etc. but deal with these overwhelming feelings before approaching him. When you have them under control and can empathize a little, approach him in a non-confrontational, compassionate manner. Possibly, "Honey, I know you are feeling overwhelmed, so I would like to help. Can you let me know where we stand financially and the history so I can help with a solution?" "I know something is bothering you and it hurts to see you so __(upset?)___. I would like to help, but when you don't share what is bothering you I feel helpless." "Love, I know you don't mean it this way, but when you ______, I feel I am not being taken seriously." Don't jump to conclusions and assume you know the problem, and ask specific questions about what you assumed. Ask him what is bothering him - again in a compassionate way. Let him tell you in his own words and in his own time. I understand patience is difficult especially when you feel closed out, helpless, angry, hurt, etc. but time and acceptance is what will really help both of you. "Let go and let God."

When my husband tried to blame me for all his problems at first I got sarcastic "Oh, it couldn't possibly be that you work ten hours a day or more, seven days a week. It must be me." Really childish and when I had time to cool off after the initial blame, the next time I simply refused to accept the blame. "You can blame me all you want, but I refuse to accept the blame. If I do something wrong I will accept the responsibility, but I will NOT accept blame that isn't mine." It made me feel better and eventually he laid off when he realized I wouldn't try to fix what wasn't mine to fix.

I am sorry the evening you planned did not go as expected, but life rarely does. While he may not have appreciated the gesture at that time it does not mean he does not enjoy you doing those things for him. When you talk to him on the phone during the day try to gauge his mood and possibly give hints to see if he is interested. I know it is hard not to take rejection personally, but try - maybe by recognizing the contributing factors.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

Sounds like he fell back into his old habit of gambling. You are the one who will lose here. Better find a way to get out now. The problem will only get worse. He will lose and then bet more money to cover the first loss. GET OUT.

Answer 8

Sounds to me like the gambling problem may be back and the fact that he's putting on you is to cover this up -- he's feeling guilty so he has to make you feel bad along with him.

Answer 9

as his wife you can call your credtors and the bank to see what you have if the money is not there then his gambling problem may have return before you confront him have 100% the money is not there he is feeling guilty for something so he is trying to bring you down as well

Answer 10

Sounds like a gambling problem, I am hosting a texas hold em game tonight, maybe he would like to come over.