My daughter (I'm her dad), whom I love with all my heart, has been married for 2 years and it unfortunately has had a negative effect on our relationship. I feel jealous of her husband. Now she goes to him with all of her problems rather than me and I feel like I've become less important to her as her marriage progresses.
I miss her and want to have that loving and close relationship we used to have. How can I get my daughter back, or should I just be happy with the status qou?
2006-07-29 07:03:22 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should be happy she has someone she can go to with her problems. Now days marriages start out wrong and end in divorce. It sounds as if you did a great job as her Dad and she learned from watching your actions how to pick a good guy to marry. Be prould of both of them. You did a great job and now it is time to relax until the grandkids come for you to spoil
2006-07-29 07:11:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
My oldest daughter is 18, and since we brought her home from the hospital I've been trying to tell myself that this would happen one day.
And the sad thing is... your daughter is right to take things to her husband. It's time for THEM to build a life together.
But try this on for size -- the fact that she's able to do this for herself with her husband is something you can be proud of, because it's YOUR contribution to her life that gave her the ability to be open and close with her husband. It's YOUR example while she was growing up and YOUR commitment to her all those years that gives her the self-confidence to handle life on her own.
When my oldest daughter (our first born) was about two, we took her to visit my wife's family across the country. My wife's aunt has a big back yard and there were about seven or eight cousins all running around in it having a great time on a summer afternoon. My daughter was the youngest; the oldest was eight or nine.
For ten or fifteen minutes I followed my daughter everywhere she went, ready to grab her if she fell or tripped or got a scratch or... You get the idea. And I had this Vision of myself doing this on a college campus when she was nineteen, or an office building when she was 27... and it was ridiculous.
And I guess that was when I realized that we have children so we can let them go into the world on their own some day.
You can't get your daughter back. However, you can enter a new stage of your relationship with her -- supporting her by standing back and letting her walk on her own, just like when she was little.
And... well, from the moment I first became a father, I found my OWN father's voice coming out of my mouth more and more often. It's made me a lot closer with MY dad, seeing my children grow up and making me think about all the things I loved about him when I was little.
So there's something for you to look forward to.
And in the meanwhile, are you still married to her mother? If so, she's somebody you can open up to about how you feel. She's HER daughter too, she's got to be feeling a little the same way (though there's something special between dads and their girls... both my daughters said "Dada" before "Mama.") Put your energy into having a stronger, closer, more intimate relationship with her and you'll have someone to fill your life.
2006-07-29 09:12:42 · answer #2 · answered by Scott F 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that she is going to go to her husband, because there has to be communication in the marriage in order for the marriage to survive. Think back to before your daughter was ever born. Think about your own marriage. I'm sure that you and your wife would talk to each other more than your parents. You guys lived together and it is only natural to communicate with the one that you live with. Now back to your daughter....I'm sure that she doesn't know that you feel this way. You need to tell her that you miss your conversations and wish that she could find a little more time for you. Try not to be jealous of your son-in-law. Does he treat your daughter good? Is your daughter happy? I'm sure that good fathers feel just as you do, but don't forget it is time for her to bloom and to be happy. Talk to her and let her know that you need her, but don't have a heavy heart towards a man that makes your daughter happy. Talk to him as well, man conversations like football, golf, hunting what ever the two of you can talk about and build a relationship with this man that will probably be the father of your future grandchild.. Look at this as gaining a son, not losing a daughter.
2006-07-29 07:17:15 · answer #3 · answered by angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you get married you are suppose to go to your husband for love and support. It is nice that you miss that but you should just get use to it. If it makes you mad then it will effect their relationship. My husbands parents (hes an only child) will not leave us alone. We never lived together ever and three weeks after we got married they were spending the weekend at our apartment and every three weeks after that. They live in another state as well as my parents. We are supose to be starting our own family and they are constantly invading our space. Finally my hubby had to tell them to back off. It was causing strain in our newlywed relationship and it was the only problem that we had. Now his mom doesn't like me as much because she blames me. My point is what a hassle. I thought we were going to have fun get to know each other and start our own family and they have caused nothing but drama. It is a natural progression that you are going through. Go and play some golf get your mind off of it and let them be. When they have kids then you can babysit them.
2006-07-29 07:14:32 · answer #4 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to let go of the past, but when she got married, her husband became the new "number one man" in her life. It's probably only natural that you would feel a sense of loss over this, but you can still be close to your daughter while respecting her marriage and her relationship with her husband. Your relationship with her has changed, but it has not gone away. Your daughter still needs you and loves you.
2006-07-29 07:11:46 · answer #5 · answered by cryptoscripto 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to realize that things have changed in your relationship with your daughter and she now has her husband to take care of her. This isn't a bad thing! This just means that your relationship with her is changing. Do all the same things you used to do - invite them to your home, have dinners, go on family vacations, etc - keep your relationship with your daughter AND her husband strong.
Let them know you are there for both of them and that you love them. You have no reason to be jealous of your son in law because you know your daughter loves you. Your daughter also knows that you are there for her and that you are there for her if she needs you. You being there and being loving and supportive does more for your daughter and her marriage than you know. Just stay close to them, respect, and love them and keep in mind that sometime in the future you'll have grandkids to love, dote on, and help through life.
2006-07-29 07:17:51 · answer #6 · answered by Rawrrrr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, dad, her husband needs to be #1 in her life now. She is still your daughter but if she comes to you then she is disrespecting her husband. You are not less important - your role has just changed. Be proud that you raised her well enough to marry someone who can be a man and take care of her. Good luck!
2006-07-29 07:10:05 · answer #7 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Learn to understand relationship roles and dynamics. Things change. People grow and learn. Her marriage has to come first. She will not likely stop loving you. BUT her marriage, her husband, has to come first before you. It is appropriate and right. Find ways to interact with her AND her husband in a way that will not interfere with their marriage. Do not offer advice. If they ask then give advice. They are literally on their own. Love THEM.
2006-07-29 07:28:17 · answer #8 · answered by Jack 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aaawwwwwwww, that is the most beautiful thing i have heard all week. i WISH i had that kind of relationship with my dad. i think he was relieved when i got married. i think that you should set up an arrangement with her that you 2 have time together once every week or once every other week to be father and daughter again. if my dad said that to me, i would be on cloud 9. i'd look forward to all the fun we'd have just the 2 of us. best of luck to you.
2006-07-29 07:08:40 · answer #9 · answered by origchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's okay to miss her, but you really should be happy for her. You gave her the foundation for future healthy relationships with men, I applaud you for that. You will never be less important to her, you are her father, but let your son-in-law take his rightful place in her heart, there is plenty of room for both of you.
2006-07-29 07:08:29 · answer #10 · answered by outlandsishlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋