2006-07-29 03:05:55 · 28 answers · asked by mlk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well it's obvious she doesn't wanna be with you. She can't be with her dead lover so, what are you worried about?!? Sounds like she can't let go of that person. If you feel that the relationship isn't gonna work, then let her go and find someone else who'll care about you and love you like you deserve. I am curious though - why did she say that?!? Did you do something to her? My first husband was obsessed with a girl we both knew from school. (I mean obsessed with her death) She died when we ended the 10th grade and he never got over that. She had a thing for him and he turned her down cause he wanted me. Later he said to me - I wonder if I had said yes to her, would she be alive today? That hurt my feelings cause it made me feel like he regretted his choice. So I know where you are coming from. My ex still visits her grave and wonders what might have been. She died in 1992 and he still remembers that like it was yesterday. That's not the reason we divorced though. Anyway, if you feel uncomfortable with the situation, find someone else and be happy. Good luck!
2006-07-29 10:52:17 · answer #1 · answered by curious_boricua_soul 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, I think it's inconsiderate of her to say that - it's obviously hurtful to you. What she's saying is that if her lover were still alive, they'd still be together and you wouldn't even be in the picture. However, it comes across as some kind of competition where you are not the winner. But you cannot compete with a deceased person.
Perhaps her memories of him are causing problems between you. In that case, she needs either counseling or more time to accept that things will never be as they were before when he was alive.
2006-07-29 10:12:46 · answer #2 · answered by beadtheway 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think that she would still be with her deceased lover instead of you if he were alive. But he's not alive so it's a moot point. She's trying to tell you that you aren't for her. I know - my husband died nearly three years ago, and not to make him to be a saint, but there isn't another guy that I've met that comes close to the man he was.
2006-07-29 10:11:08 · answer #3 · answered by theophilus 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When does she say this? Is it just out of the blue, or do you ask her? Is it said during and argument? How long ago did she lose him. It could be that she feels guilty about moving on and says it to ease her conscience.
Either way he's no longer available. If she was divorced and told you she'd rather be with her ex than you, I could see taking it as an insult. It's also true that when a person dies, we tend to only remember the positives about them, especially if the death was fairly recent.
It could well mean that you are with a woman who is capable of sincere devotion, and over time, you will be the subject of that devotion.
2006-07-29 10:42:36 · answer #4 · answered by sherrie_66 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is not ready to be in a relationship.
She may need some counseling as she may be over-idealizing her deceased lover to the point that it is interfering with developing new relationships.
It is not fair to you to feel like you have to compete with her memory of another man and if you remain committed to a woman who is not truly committed to you it could severely damage your feeling of self-worth and value.
2006-07-29 10:09:44 · answer #5 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not alive, so it doesn't matter. It really doesn't reflect on her feelings for you. She probably wouldn't have even met you or had reason to break up with her old lover had he lived, but that isn't how it went and it isn't how it is.
2006-07-29 10:08:28 · answer #6 · answered by MEL T 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats particularly fine. actually if you love her you would show your sympathy. that must be one of the hardest things in life. to lose a loved one without any choice from either lover.
so she has decided to move on. and being second choice is not so bad when there really is no more first choice.
2006-07-29 10:09:18 · answer #7 · answered by Bay Area Real Estate Realtors 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well yeah ... 'Cos she probably would have stayed faithful to him. So don't stress about it. Stuff happens and it dictates the direction our lives take. You can't be worried about what ifs and it doesn't mean she loves you less; you just wouldn't have been given the chance to be in the picture if things had been different for her.
2006-07-29 10:12:47 · answer #8 · answered by Sue W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That she is obviously still in love with her deceased lover, and she rather be with him if circumstances were different.
2006-07-29 10:08:22 · answer #9 · answered by outlandsishlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd imagine that that is a very trying situation. My man is the love of my life and i could never imagine loving anybody more than I love him, but god forbid we could'nt be together, i would'nt want to be alone. Respect her honesty, it is an admirable trait.
2006-07-29 10:11:45 · answer #10 · answered by bopbo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋