I cheated....?

Question

About 2 weeks ago I cheated on my Girlfriend of 2 years.....I didn't really plan for it to happen it just did....So I decided that to be fair to my Girlfriend I would be honest with her and I also don't think its right for her to date a guy who cheats...So I think its best we just break it off....Well instead of flipping out and getting mad she wants to work things out but she is going crazy about it...Calling me every 5 minutes...Crying to me...Saying that no matter what I ever do to her she will always love me...I never realized she was this crazy...and now it seems like the crazier she acts the less I want to be with her...I have sat her down and talked to her but nothing works...What should I do? Why would she want to date a guy who cheated? if she cheated on me I would want her to do exactly like I did...And Please..I know im an ****** so don't remind me!...

Answer 1

Yeah man I don't know why any girl would want to be with someone who cheats, no offence. I think being honest with her is as much as you can do for now, give it time and see whats happens I mean she will eventually realize that you weren't right for her, Something similar happend to me once and I couldnt figure out why she went so crazy i mean wouldnt you want someone to be honest with you? I think it feels better when they are honest. good luck

Answer 2

The problem is your girlfriend had a very negative self image. That's why she's so willing to take you back even though you betrayed her trust. Even more unfortunately, rather than building up her self image, you cheated on her which further validated her negative self image in her mind. You enforced in her mind that she's not capable of getting someone who's honest and always there for her, and now she's grabbing at straws to hold onto you. If I was asked to take a guess, I'd say you really didn't want to stay in the relationship anyway, and figured an affair was the easy way out. Sorry to insult you if I'm wrong (maybe someone who did do this is reading it and it could help), but if that's the case, you should have been a man about it and broken it off respectfully without dragging something like this into it and crushing her self-image.

You're almost in a no-win situation, with a few bad options. If you stay with the breakup plan it will kill her self image more because she can't even hold onto a cheater. Her only hope is getting lucky enough to find a honest person on the first shot after you. That won't be easy, because the way she's feeling now, she's going to grab onto the first person that comes her way. If you stay with her, it would give you the opportunity to prove how sorry you are and help restore her positive image, but if she's this nutty now, eventually breaking up with her may bring her right back to square one.

If my guess above was right, then you do have a way out for everyone. You should be honest and tell her you wanted out of the relationship, but didn't know how to end it. You're not a cheater, but thought an affair was the easiest way out. Admit to her that you really screwed up and have a lot to learn about being a man and taking responsibility for your life and actions. The only positive side of this is her self image might suffer a little less.

No matter what, be honest from this point on, but tactful. Just let her know the relationship wasn't going where you wanted it to for long term. You're at a point where you needed to recognize if she was "the one" or not, and your doubts could only be confirmed by getting space and soul-searching.

I'm not writing this to rag, but hopefully to help you in the future since this relationship is screwed up. Not many people plan on affairs happening. The reality is simply this, what separates man from animals is man's ability to recognize that animal instincts were great thousands of years ago, but in todays world they steer you wrong almost everytime. Man has a conscience and needs to use it along with self control. Recognize that you choose to be a cheat or not to be a cheat. Props for admitting you screwed up, but you shouldn't have screwed up to begin with, and now you realize how bad it can hurt someone especially if they've been hurt many times before.

Good luck man, you're going to need it.

Answer 3

First figure out why you cheated. By the sound of what you wrote I think the relationship is over. You can't go back in time, it's always better to break things off first. Tell her that even though she can forgive, but can't seem to forget it's better that the relationship just ends! Don't mix words, be direct and to the point but don't be mean, no matter what. If she keeps calling or coming over you might want to seek an Order of Protection. I hope it doesn't come to that. Good luck.

Answer 4

Obviously you wanted to break if off and didn't have the ****s to just do it in an honest and open manner.

Instead of being such a chicken, and trying to convince yourself that you're acting in her best interest...why don't you try being HONEST with her. (I know..it'll be a new experience for you)

Try saying, I wanted to end the relationship with you and I didn't have the stones to do it honestly, so I cheated on you. The bottom line is I want out, and I was trying to make it easy on myself instead of being a MAN. We're over. Please don't call.

And don't apologize for being a gutless, dishonest jerk.....you are what you are.

Excuse me...I wasn't done...then you have the NERVE to try to make her sound like she's some sort of psycho because she loves YOU enough to forgive your SORRY BUTT!

Grow up and take some responsibility for your own actions!

Answer 5

Sounds like she is extemely insecure and is willing to be your doormat. Yes, you cheated, but you came clean & wanted to end it. She can't let go because she wants that love that you provide for her. It becomes a drug. I have a friend who for 15 yrs now has let a guy do this to her. She dates other guys, but if he comes back, she's outta that relashionship to be with him. She even went so far as to get pregnant a few years ago & has a child with him. It breaks my heart to watch her do this. It boils down to ; Women are much different than men, men want a clean break & to move on. Women want to fix the problems , whether that means to stay or move on is entirely up to them, but it's always much more complicated inside the female head than the males head.
While I don't condone cheating, I am glad that you fessed up to it, hopefully you will meet the right girl that you don't want to cheat on someday for fear of losing her.

Answer 6

Well frirst of all I would have done the same if I were your girl. I mean you can"t just let 2 years go down the drain. Everyone makes mistakes in life we just have to learn from them and move on. I think that you should give her the chance to catch herself then you guys could work things out. You got some points for telling her the truth so try to fix things and move on. Good luck!

Answer 7

Sounds like she is very insecure and becoming a stalker. I think you did the right thing about being honest and breaking up. Your best bet would be to walk away and let her know that if she doesn't realize it's over, then you'll have to file a restraining order.

Answer 8

I think it's really sad that women don't think they deserve a partner who is kind, considerate and faithful. Until we do, I think you'll continue to see this kind of desperate behavior.

But... let's be honest here: at least take responsibility for being fairly passive/aggressive.

"I don't think it's right for her to date a guy who cheats?"

Something tells me that deep down inside, you did not want to continue seeing her (which is certainly your prerogative) but, instead of having THAT conversation and being honest with your feelings, you've "cloaked" them under the guise of "doing what's best for her."

So, maybe you might think about that.

As far as her behavior goes: it's sad. But, there's nothing you can do about it except to be firm in your resolve to end the relationship with kindness.

You don't get to choose how she's going to react. You only get to choose how you're going to behave.

Maybe if you were honest with yourself, you could be honest with her... and tell her that your cheating was just an excuse for you to end your relationship with her.

Painful. But honesty works everytime.

Answer 9

Maybe the reason you cheated on her was cause you really are tired of the commited relationship you are in......tell her you need time apart your confused right now and you do love her but her being clingy has become a major turn off it a nice way tell her youll call her later...and dont answer if she calls you!!

Answer 10

MAYBE SHE LOVES YOU SO MUCH THAT SHE IS WILLING TO OVER LOOK THE FACT THAT YOU'VE CHEATED ON HER AND SHE WANTS TO WORK THINGS OUT BECAUSE SHE LOVES YOU AND SHE STILL WANTS TO BE WITH YOU. ITS GOOD THAT YOU WERE HONEST WITH HER. THE WAY I SEE IT YOU DONT REALLY CARE FOR YOUR GF IF YOU JUST WANT TO BRAKE IT OFF AND THATS IT. SHE'S PROBABLY CALLING YOU EVERY 5 MINUTES BECAUSE NOW SHE FEELS INSECURE AND PROBABLY DOESNT TRUST YOU AND IS WORRIED THAT YOU MIGHT DO IT AGAIN. SHE DOES SOUND A LITTLE PSYCHO. WELL YOU SHOULD REALLY END THIS RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE IF SHE WERE GETTING OBSESSED WITH YOU AND THAT CAN BRING BIG PROBLEMS FOR THE BOTH OF YOU TAKE CARE OF IT FAST AND BE CAREFUL GOOD LUCK!!!