Why does it feel as though I'm looking at a stranger?

Question

When I look at pictures of my husband, I feel as though I am looking at a stranger. Have you ever had that feeling? What does it mean?

He did cheat on me and that hurt me beyond belief. It was not his typical behavior. But sometimes when I look at him, I feel as if I don't know who he is or what he is thinking. And when I look at recent pictures I feel as though I'm looking at a stranger.

Do people change when they have an affair? Will things feel normal for me again?

Answer 1

The singlemost important value of your relationship was broken by your husband: trust. You don't know who he is now, because he's not the man you thought you married. You thought that man would honour you by being faithful, and he wasn't. Of course he looks different.

It's up to you to decide if you can forgive him and learn to trust him again, if you want to. It won't happen in a day, or a week, and maybe won't happen for months, if at all.

Besides the lack of trust, you need to know if he practiced safe sex. As much as it might hurt, find out. If he wasn't using condoms, he needs to get an AIDS test,

You might want to go to a counselor, on your own, and then both of you might want to consult a marriage counselor.

Answer 2

People change and the person we marry today wont always stay the same. Some things change for the better and some for the worse. His cheating does play a huge part. The reason why you look at those photo's and view him differently it's because those photo's are of a time when he vowed to forsake all others, to be true to you and only you. He broke those vows when he cheated and because he cheated willingly it stands to question was this an awful mistake he made or a sign of a man that you thought you knew but really didn't.

Depending on you and him and your ability to forgive providing you believe that this will never happen again. Things can be normal again. However before that takes place you'll have to heal from this and he'll have to let you. You'll have to be willing to forgive and let it go. He'll have to prove himself worthy of a second chance and be understanding when you can't look at him without an accussing eye. Healing takes time.

There are people who have gotten over affairs but i guess what it all boils down to is if the person being cheating on is willing to forgive and if the person who cheated is willing to accept his wrong doings, confess them, deal with why he cheated and can honestly say that it will never happen again and mean it. When it comes to cheating if your going to live with what he's done, try to heal from it and move on if you can't forgive him no matter how hard he or you tries then you must let him go.

Here's a few questions you should be asking. Was this a one night stand, if so how do you know? How did you find out about his infidelity to you, did he tell you or did you catch him? How long did the affair last? Was it with one person or many? You can contact me to find out why these questions are so important.

Answer 3

Honey I know exactly where you're coming from! Yes affairs changes people !Its because when your man cheated on you, it made you feel real low and wonder what is it that the other woman has that you don't have ?! Its a mind battle, you also began to think what did I do wrong? and the answer is you have done nothing wrong he has!!!! Your husband looks like a stranger to you because he went outside your marriage and destroyed the trust and the bond that you thought was so strong! You can bounce back but only if you want to!!! Don't beat yourself up over this matter I can assure you there is nothing wrong with you On the other hand he needs to admit that he has issues that need to be resolved and if hes not apologetic then watch out because he will do it again !!!! want to chat more feel free to email me Best wishes!!!

Answer 4

You may have to face up to the fact that you have distanced yourself from him for reasons you have given, and that everything inside you sees him as a stranger now. This may be a psychological protection mechanism, as being hurt by strangers is not considered as bad by us as being hurt by loved ones is. But regardless of that, you should probably also ask yourself where you would like to position yourself. If he simply moves away into the realm of strangers for you, that means that you are losing him. You may feel right now like that's what you want to happen. I can't convince you one way or another. But I do think by becoming aware of general tendencies that may be evident to you from knowing him, you might be able to decide whether or not you will allow him to start looking more familiar to you again at some point.
People do change when they have an affair. Sometimes, it's for the better. People have affairs because of unanswered needs. Once that need is provided for, they can often appreciate what they have more. I'm not advocating having affairs; but I'm also not advocating terminal distrust in people. Life is a state of constant reform, and you are also allowed to partake in it. We have lots of time to stay as we are when we're dead. See my point?

Answer 5

Maybe the change was there before the affair and U just never saw it. Once you become so comfortable with someone you become blind sighted. Find out what he was lacking in the relationship so that you can still be the woman of his dreams. Trust is an earned value and thats something he's going to have to work on. This isn't something that can just come from U. If you love him. You'll work it out and you'll feel whole again. But he also still has to love U.

Answer 6

people don't change when they have an affair but you do change the way you look at them. you have been deceived and you thought you knew all, now you don't know if he is the same person because you have found him doing strange things so he feels like a stranger. you keep wondering what is going on in his mind and will he ever do it again so you feel he is a complete stranger.. if you love him enough and he does too then i think one day you may go back to normal.. i hope you do

Answer 7

Yes, you have BOTH changed and will not change "back " to who you were. If you did, you would solve nothing, right? The idea is for you both to learn, grow, and become BETTER than who you were, more mature, smarter, and better equipped to deal with marital problems. You cannot possibly have gone through this......either of you.....and not changed. It's an eye opener for you both, and unfortunately sometimes that's what it takes for people to look at things realistically.

Yes, things can feel normal again and even better. Alot of people say that because an affair......if both people work very hard at fixing thing.......can be the catalyst for you both to look at your relationship, re-evaluate, and make changes for the better.

Once a cheater is NOT always a cheater. That isn't' true. If he works hard, and you are willing to try, then it can work......it can THRIVE. You are very strong to be willing.

Answer 8

I do think people change after having an affair. It does take time to get your mind back in order, the relationship and him. It may take some real talking and sharing about your feelings with him. That would not be a very very bad thing.

Answer 9

He broke your trust, you have to decide what you want to do.
Either you want to make the relationship work or maybe you will never get past the affair.
I am divorced, he had an affair, I cough him & forgave him. Two years later caught him again & filed for divorce.
The affair alone was davastating, When I found that once a cheater always a cheater, I couldn't live with him anymore.
Good luck.

Answer 10

THE REASON FOR WHY YOU FEEL THAT, IS BECAUSE HE HURT YOU AND HAS CHANGED, THE BIGGEST CHANGE IS HIM CHEATING ON YOU, are you sure that you are happey in this relationship, or are you staying with him because you feel emotionally attached to him, or have children? this is a very difficult situation to be in. things will not change unless you put what ha[ppened behind you, and learn to trust him as difficult that this may seem, if you feel that way do not punish yourself by continuing with something that is causing you pain.

these feelings are normal, dont ever forget to value yourself, you are important and worth more, once you start to do that it may be painfull, but you will be more content with what you have, good luk hun xxx