Is it wrong what my parents are doing?

Question

I am 17 and my sister is 14, I am just very uncomfortable about the fact that my parents basically haven't been home these last 2 weeks. I see them and the morning, but they go to my aunts house after work because her daughter died and they want to comfort her. They talk about a whole bunch of people being there and talk about how it is a party over there. Well, the problem is, the coming home at 1:00, 2:00, 3:00...I don't understand why. They do this often, but only when they are going to somewhere special, but now it is everyday and it feels like they want to get away from us. We are not bad. But is this normal? Are they just trying to prepare me since I am turning 18 soon or something? I am mad at them for this and I sort of feel wrong because I do not know if it is a thing to be concerned about or not because their parents and most likely they'll do the right things

Oh yes, me and my sister have also expressed that we do not like them not coming home and having no food or just constantly eating fast food in an empty and quiet house. They tend to ignore it.

And I do not know why this is, but I already didn't feel that much loved by my mother specially and this right here just creates a big thing of loneliness for me. I don't know where it is coming from

To the 15th answer i do examine and my dad drinks a lot, very much and when they come home they look worn out, my dad smells of alchohol and they are just very weird.

Answer 1

You are justified in feeling bad about this. They still have obligations to you.

Answer 2

Well, sometimes parents have their reasons for doing the things they do, however, sometimes adults can get too involved in the drug or alcohol lifestyle. Of course, I wouldn't assume anything, but maybe you can get up some night when they get home, observe their behavior and pick up on any strange smells.

For me, and I've learned through first-hand experience, that sort of lifestyle can and eventually does take away everything you ever had or dreamed about.

But don't be discouraged, it might not be that at all. And whether it is or not, you need to find someone who you can talk to, whether it is a teacher that you can trust, or a school counselor, neighbor or pastor. If you are a female, look for a woman to talk to. If you're a male, look for a man. Only talk to someone that you KNOW you can trust. And pray about it. Jesus will hear your prayers. Please read this article:

http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/1225673.html





you wrote:
"To the 15th answer i do examine and my dad drinks a lot, very much and when they come home they look worn out, my dad smells of alchohol and they are just very weird."

do they spend alot of money? how are they weird?

Answer 3

If it was just you in the house; then that's okay. If it was just your sister by herself, then that's a definite "no". Since it's both of you there; it sounds as though your parents are trusting/using you to be the surrogate parent for your 14 year old sister or in other words, her baby sitter; and I think that they'd only do these for one of two reasons. Either BOTH of you are mature for your age and very responsible and they don't feel the need to be around to "sweat" you or; if you and sis are totally obnoxious, arrogant, into drugs, gang banging, and just plain giving them nothing but controversy at every turn in the road; then "yes" they'd be leaving to avoid you and have written you all off as a "lost cause".

My guess though, is that you and sis are okay people and your parents think you're mature and they trust you to do the right thing. Never the less though, the eggs haven't hatched so Momma (and Daddy) bird still should "sit on the eggs" until the "birds" are ready to fly.

Pick the right time (timeing is everything) and talk to them about this. DON'T mention that you got opinions from others. That'll just piss'em off. Sign me: A parent of a 27 & 20 year old girls.

Answer 4

I'm sorry!! Honey, I'd start looking for other reasons for their behavior. Alcohol, drugs, etc. These can happen to parents and you wouldn't even know except that they usually lead to neglect of the children in the house.

Your parents probably feel that you are both old enough to be alone but maybe they don't really understand this feeling of abandonment either.

You are angry about it right? We'll hon. You're either going to have to deal with it or find a way to let them know where they'll pay attention to what you're saying. Use a friend, family member or counselor for help here.

Many will understand and will want to help.

Answer 5

call child protective services? they might take ur lil sis away from ur parents - but its not like she has her parents anyhow. or u could get a 1 or 2 br apartment - u in the bedroom and her on the couch. and take it to court so that u get custody of her - family court. then u and her could live together and at least u'd know that she'd b getting fed n stuff. look - my mom left me living alone when i was 12. she stopped by the house to check the mail and then was gone again. she drove 2 hours 2 the next state to go be with her lover some more. i dropped out of school. didn't eat much cuz there wasn't much food left in the house. she ended up getting fired from her job for missing work and being late. i was so alone and i should not had to have went thru that. i had no dad. no sisters. no brothers. so PLEASE stand by ur sister! even if u dont wanna go thru the headache of getting custody of her, at least let her stay with u while she can go to school and u can work part time or something. its not like ur parents are gonna miss either one of u. but ur her big sister and she looks up to u. you might be her only hope.

Answer 6

Well, I'm sure they're partly trying to 'ween' y'all somewhat, but leaving two teenage daughters at home alone very much is totally wrong, dangerous, and stupid. Sounds like they're freeloading off the folks who leave food at Auntie's house. After two weeks, it's time to leave her to put her life back together without distractions. If you are properly representing the situation, you have a legitimate gripe, but if you're just upset because you've had to make a couple of sandwiches for you and your sister once or twice, well, get over it and let mom and dad have some 'them' space.

Answer 7

ok so first of all you and your sister and your parents are all grieving.

it is quite possible that since your aunt has lost a child your parents are suddenly very aware of the mere mortality of themselves and their own children, you and your sister. This may make it very hard for them to acknoledge you and your sister and your needs.( ie. If I acknowledge how much I love my children it will only hurt more if and when I lose them.)

I know this doesnt fix the problem but perhaps by looking at it from their perspective you will at least understand some things.

Do choose your moment carefully. Talk to your mother first be very straight with her. Remind her that you love her and your father and you understand that your aunty needs them. Then add that you and your sister need them too.

Just tell her how you are feeling.

Answer 8

I think that your parents are just caught up in the sorrow of the moment. I think that you are right in explaining to them about your situation, but also take it upon yourself to show some leadership skills and learn how to survive. My parents did the same things when I was your age. They would leave for 2 weeks and not even call from their vacation. What this taught me was how to survive, how to cook and how to clean. Then when I was on my own, I knew how to keep a house and not have it over run by bugs. I also knew how to eat properly and not always go for the fast food. Take this as a blessing in disguise.

Answer 9

I would express to them that you also feel bad for your aunt that her daughter passed away but at this point they are neglecting there own children .. And that if your Aunt could have "One more day " with her child she would embrace this .. Tell them the truth that you feel lonley and ignored... Sometime parents get so involved in everything else in life that they do not see the wrong that they are doing even if it is staring them in the face ....

Answer 10

OH I am so sorry
that sucks and yes it is wrong if your parents were just comforting your aunt it would be understandable but they are kinda neglecting you. you should talk to them again and tell them that you are starting to feel like the parent and that you need them to be around more often they need to understand that parents lead by example you need to have a family life or you could get in to trouble like turning to the wrong crowd for attention you both are at a vulnerable age and they should be there to guide you if you wanna talk you are more than welcome to e-mail me @ [e-mail] good luck and I hope this has helped

Answer 11

If your aunt's daughter really did die, then they are probably being supportive, and are inadvertently neglecting you. You might try saying..."we feel lonely when you don't come home, and are a bit worried about being here alone". That may make a point to your folks, hopefully. You do need your parents, regardless of your age , and you are right to expect them to be with you and support you too.