does anyone feel guilty for not breastfeeding, or wish they would have?

Question

it's too late now, but i wish i would have started breastfeeding my daughter when she was born. i now realize not only would it have been cheaper, but maybe it would have been better for my daughter as well? Did anyone have weird feelings about breastfeeding - did that go away and did it start feeling normal? i really wish i would have thought about this more during my pregnancy. i feel that there has to be some sort of emotional stability and trust that results in the relationship of a mother and her breastfed children.... my family is all dysfunctional and anything but close and none of our mothers breastfed...i couldn't help but wonder....it would make for an interesting study. maybe someone has already done that.

Answer 1

Studies have shown that babies who are breastfed are more likely to be securely attached than babies who are not breastfed. BUT, this is NOT to say that formual fed babies cannot be just as attached or even more attached to their mom as a breastfed baby is! There are so many other variables involved! How engaged the mother is with the infant, eye contact, play time, holding the infant alot, being attentive to the infant's cries, etc...Yes, in most cases breastfeeding is best for the baby's health and for infant attachment, but it is nothing to feel guilty over. There are so many ways to improve you and your child's bond - the ones listed above are only some of the ways. The bottom line is, more in tuned you are with your child, the more bonded she will become. Also, if you are feeling guilty and down in the dumps, then she will sense that and that is no good for either of you! The best thing you can do for your daughter is to love her and not guilt yourself out! No parent is perfect...and trust me, you dont want to be a perfect parent - even if you were able to be perfect, then your child would feel that THEY have to be perfect too and you would raise a very anxious baby! This is an opportunity to show your baby that you can make a "mistake" and that it's okay...and you dont have to beat yourself up over it - so she wont do the same when she makes mistakes in life. Let yourself off the hook. Although you cant go back and breastfeed your child, there are so many other things you can do to improve your bonding with your child (if you are concerned about it) and your child will be just as well attached as if you had breastfed. Oh and by the way, I am a breastfeeding mom and sometimes I wish I had formula fed! Although I love the bonding and closeness with my child that I get from it, she refuses to take a bottle - which means I have been unable to go back to work. Also, I have been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis which causes me a lot of pain and I cant take the meds while breastfeeding. Also, since I am the only one who can feed her, I can't leave my child for more than an hour or so EVER...and I have to get up every time she gets up at night - so I havent gotten a full night sleep yet and she is six months old! So, sometimes I guess the grass is always greener on the other side!

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you did not get the information and support you needed to help you breastfeed.
You have no reason at all to feel guilty. In fact, you sound more sad than guilty to me :)
You are sad because you are mourning a lost relationship.

We all make mistakes when raising our first children, things we wished we could have done differently. We try to do things differently when we have other children - it is good to learn from your mistakes! There is no way of telling how things MIGHT have turned out if you had done xxxxxxx instead of yyyyyy.

What matters is that you love your children and do the very best you can for them. It sounds as if you already do that!

Just as a matter of interest, how old is your daughter? Is she still a baby?
The reason I ask is that you may not be aware that it is sometimes possible for a mother to start breastfeeding even if she gave formula from birth. It does require a lot of work, but it is possible.

Answer 3

Breastfeeding or not, you are no less of a mother. It is true that there are many benefits to breastfeeding. I breastfed exclusively until my son was three months. My husband and I own our business and I being possessive over my work felt I had to be there. I started pumping and using formula when I was at work and breastfed when I was home. He ended up with a preference for the bottle and by six months he self-weaned off the breast. It hurt really bad, I felt guilty and less of a mom. If I could do it over again, I would have stayed home for six months and breastfed him for at least a year.

Answer 4

To me, it was something that i always knew i would at least attempt doing. After i had my son it was something that was very natural to me. It was never at all weird. Yes you do start saving money. Formula cost me about $24 every 6 days. Not including everything else babies need. I did only breastfeed him for about a month because he didn't want to take my breast milk anymore. He loved his bottle more. The only thing i wish i would of done different was try a little more breastfeeding before i gave up. But he is a very healthy boy anyway, i doubt that he would of been getting enough out of me. But it was a good experience that i would try again if i have more children.

Answer 5

Yeah i've been hearing a lot about that emotional bond too... But a lot of families have children who were breastfed and still turned up dysfunctional... The most important lesson I think a parent should teach a child is how to be a good person.

Answer 6

I did not breastfeed either of my children due to surgery that disconnected the ability for the milk to reach my nipples, however, I do not feel bad about it. My son, who is now 11 is one of the healthiest kids in his school (misses 1-2 days only per year) and just received an Academic Presidential award. My daughter is 7 months old, also formula fed and is cruising, crawling and saying 'hi'. She has also never been sick. Try not to feel guilty over something in the past and your children will be fine!

Answer 7

I don't think it matters either way. I breast fed both my children for the first 6 months and let others supplement with a bottle so I didn't always feel like an on call dairy farmer. The bond is still there when they are laying in your arms looking up at you like your the only thing in the world that exists, whether you have a bottle in your hand or a nipple.

Answer 8

Well, my wife was breastfed as a baby to a year and she has suffered depressions and needed medicines for it. Most of her family breastfed their kids because they HAD to, they we're rural and poor. I think you should feel blessed to be with your obviously healthy child as a moter, my wife is in Iraq and I'm doin all alone here. my doll baby trusts me just fine, and loves her family, knows mammas voice on the phone and goes crazy...I just don't beleive it really matters. I was breastfed too, and I have back problems? It's not a panacea for life, dear. It's just a way to feed a baby. My girl loves her formula, 6x a day. healthy and strong as a bull. couldn't ask for much more.

Oh, and my wife's family of mostly breastfed people...are, well, ummmm "lovingly dysfunctional". Hmmmm?

Answer 9

I am breastfeeding my wee one...she is now 7 months old and wow, I wished I could have put her on a bottle from earlier...(pumped breastmilk in a bottle). I LOVE the bond I share with her, but that bond also keeps me within arms-reach all day long...24 hrs a day, 7 days a week...etc...not that i am complaining but its hard because Hubby and I haven't been able to go anywhere without her...but hopefully she'll get on a sippy soon...

Answer 10

I did at first. My husband talked me out of it so he could feed the baby too. Although he never got up at 3 am. Whether your family is dysfunctional or not depends on how you were raised and how you'll raise your daughter. After awhile you get over it and realize its a lot easier to get them fed in public.