How much does a parents' divorce affect a person?

Question

I am unhappy in my marriage and am trying to decide if it will be better for my son if I stay and try to work it out, or leave and try to find someone else. I would love to hear from adults whose parents divorced when they were young (before school age).

Answer 1

dint be so quick to give up on your relationship

have you tried getting some outside help in your relationship? counsel ling? (the right counselor for you and your relationship )

you may find in the long run it would be best if each of you took time out to think of your son rather than in about yourselves and how you are affecting him.

a good counselor can help you pick up the positive pieces of your marriage and make more of a go at it in ways you may not have thought of

leaving your family will give your son issues later on i could guarantee it

Answer 2

You gotta remember there is no prince charming out there, there is no perfect man. If you leave him, more than likely you'll find another man, but he'll have his problems too, just different ones.

My parents divorced when I was 13. The divorce didn't affect me, the fact that I had to move to another state at the time did affect me. I'm 32 years old and my mother still cries sometimes about the regret she has for divorcing my dad. It's so sad. My dad still asks nosy questions about mom and puts me in the middle. This is 20 years later! And they are both remarried to other people. Divorce does have devastating effects, and it will alter your kids lives forever.

I divorced 5 years ago. I hate being divorced. But he gave me no choice. He was abusive and cheated repeatedly on me. So sometimes you aren't given the option of being able to stay married. My kids were 2 and 4 at the time we divorced. They suffered pretty badly, mainly because there was a 2 year custody battle. They had some serious problems for a while. They miss their daddy still, they see him every other weekend. They wish we were together.

Answer 3

I've been through divorce as a child and as an adult. I can tell you that my parents stayed together for 10 years and fought constantly. Living in a war zone for that 10 years was WAY more harmful to me than their divorce. Children know when you are miserable, and no matter what you say, children feel it is their fault. If your marriage cannot be repaired through counseling, don't torture your child by staying together. I divorced my husband (after extensive counseling did not work) when my son was a toddler. He has no bad memories (as I do from my childhood) of us constantly fighting. His father is happy and I am happy and we are both better parents because we don't have to live in the same household. Happy adults make better parents and better role models. My role model for a husband???? Watching my father verbally abuse my mother and treat her like crap...so guess what. I married a man just like him. Give your child something better to emulate. Love should be a beautiful thing. My son is now a teenager and many of his friends have parents who fight constantly and he's told me, "I'm so glad I don't have to live in that kind of household. I know everyone has arguments, but these people act like they hate each other. What is that teaching their kids about love and marriage?" I wish you the best, whatever you decide to do.

Answer 4

My parents divorced when I was 10 years old.

In the beginning I was very angry with my Mom but she explained to me that Husbands and Wives choose each other. They date for a while and see if they like each other and then decide to get married. When the children come along the just add to the loving relationship. When the adults no longer get along for one reason or another they separate or divorce. But that is an adult thing. The still loved me and each other. They loved each other so much they didn't want to make each other miserable, so the decided to get divorced.

My Dad told me that he didn't stop loving me. I was not the one he married, and he would always love me and be in my life as long as I wanted him there.

All I needed was the reassurance that my parents loved me.

Neither of them dated again until I was 18, and if they did they kept it from me.

Answer 5

My parents divorced when I was 3. I don't remember them being together of course, but I do remember the woman he cheated on her with, he married her. She constantly told me bad things about my mom--which weren't true--but that ruined my mom's and my relationship and she wouldn't allow my dad and I to be close. Now my mom ended up marrying a man who treated me like I was his own child. I think if my parents had both been happy and I hadn't been put in the middle of the situation, things might have been different. That was a very hard time for me, but I've also learned from it. Just make sure no matter what do not use your child as a weapon in the divorce or after and whomever you marry or he marries needs to love your child as well. I was very lucky to have a step-dad like I did.

Answer 6

My daughter was 14 and my son 8 when their dad and I divorced. My daughter is now 24 and son 18. My daughter is fine and has had little or no problems with the divorce. My son will still mention how hard it was on him. I think it depends on the the sensitivity of the child and their stage of development.

Answer 7

Divorce will always affect your children. I'm an adult and just now going through my parent's divorce, but I do know it's always better to have two happy involved parents, even if they're divorced, than unhappy, but married parents.

Answer 8

my parents divorced when i was 4.. most of my childhood i was extremely confused on alot of things.. my mom left my dad, and i couldnt understand why, she hated my step mother and said cruel things about her every chance she got, to the point that i was cruel to my step mother only because i wanted to believe my mom , found out later that it wasnt true.. Im 32 years old, i have low self esteem issues, and abandonment issues, they go back to my mother leaving my dad (my dad had custody of us and was/is the BEST father in the world) but i have problems with letting people love me, feeling im not good enough, and worrying that all those i love will leave me.. and they all stem from her leaving.. No B.S. ... My Brother is 5 years older then me, and he has commitment issues, and suffers from social anxieties.. and he is extremely smart has a masters from MDU and works for NASA.. so if u think that the only people it affects is you and your husband your wrong.. and if u think your kids get over it or use to it.. your wrong, it leaves scars that last a life time..

Answer 9

My husband and I seperated and then divorced.. I have a 5 and 6 year old. We actually got back together after about one and half years. My 6 yr old son had a really hard time at first and i think it gets a little better. but now....he says to everybody...my mom and dad fight allllllll the time. so i am not sure

Answer 10

Kids pick up dissention. You two need to pick a time when
the kids are not right there. Arguing in front of kids make
them afraid and uncertain of the future. Let them know you
love them, most of all. And try not to argue, but be adults
and talk things out without getting out of control. Children
need security, love, a stable home life. Try and give them this.