jealousy is ruining relationship?

Question

ok ive been with my bf for over a year and a half. weve had a great relationship, for the most part. we hardly ever fight and when we do, we make up really quick.the only problem with the relationship is ME. i have a horrible jealousy issue.

i get all upset if i think i see him look at a girl or if he looks at a girl's myspace or if he talks to a girl...if he looks at a celebrity for more than a second. i know there's something wrong with me. i feel like im becoming controlling and possessive. i know i cant control him or his thoughts.

i know it is slowly ruining relationship...i feel like we don't talk about ANYTHING anymore. it's like i shut down completely. i feel like we're growing apart. what can i do to get the communication flowing again and fix myself?!

Answer 1

Sounds to me that your the problem. If you continue on your little jealousy act, he will soon get tired and move on.

Answer 2

Well, on the bright side, your jealousy is an indication that you want to maintain your relationship. And I'd bet that your boyfreind likes your jealous side just a little bit. That way, he never has to doubt if he's wanted. I've been told that I'm not jealous enough, too aloof.

As far as the intensity of your jealousy, it seems to be running high. I have no real way of knowing why. But maybe he's given you reason to be suspicious in the past. Or maybe you've been burned in a relationship before. Most people who are jealous are insecure, but most have good reasons to be. Past betrayls and unpleasant surprises have made them that way.

In order to overcome your jealousy you need to trust your bf. If he is an honorable guy, that shouldn't be a problem. Of course, trusting someone with your heart is risky. But if you want to have a healthy relationship, that's a risk you have to take. If your bf feels trusted, he'll probably feel accepted and open up more so that you will communicate again and grow closer.

Also, I don't want to insult you, but I've found that a lot of girls who are instensely jealous and worried about their relationship usually don't have much of a life outside of it. Perhaps developing some more outside interests or making some new freinds will put your relationship in better perspective.

Finally, try to relax a bit. After a year and a half together, you two probably won't just break up like that.

Answer 3

I think there is a much deeper issue going on here. Im not saying your wrong for feeling the way you do, but its not healthy for relationships, and its good that you understand that and you want to change. I dont know all the details, but I might conclude that your paranoia might be spurred on by something that happened in your childhood. Only you would know what that "thing" might be. See a doctor, and find someone to talk to about this.

Answer 4

why don't you get some professional help? I'm not saying your nuts but some people are just like that. my friend gets so upset when her b/f looks at other women so your not the only one. I tell her all the time to go see a counselor to help her work out her insecurity's or what ever it is that is making her feel this way. Hope everything works out for you.

Answer 5

You know what I like about you? You realized the problem before you ruined your relationship. Jealousy is a hard emotion to get under control. Girl, be the sexy woman you are and he will have his eyes all on you. Don't lose him if he is good to you.

Answer 6

reading this kinda reminds me of myself~ girl.. let me tell u this, is ALL in ur head that ur jealous! okay, let me give u my personal solution that i actually think it works! already.. u just gotta trust yourself and have trust for ur bf! i meant basically the relationship is based on security and if u dont have that then eventually it'll fall apart between u two! there's really nothing wrong with ur bf take a glance at a girl but if he keeps on staring then thats a different story. if it really bugs u this much then i say u sit down and have a talk with him to let him know that it bothers u but trust me girl, as long as he doesnt touch then its all good!

Answer 7

If you keep controlling him, soon your relationship will be ruin for good. Even if you're jealous when your boyfriend looks at other girls, just hide it and don't show any feelings towards it. I know he's your boyfriend and he should be paying attention to you only, but come on, he's a guy. Guys tends to look at more than one girl if you haven't notice. You have to respect that. Even though he's looking, let him at least he's not gonna be doing anything bad behind your back. Be patient and clam down when it comes to that issue for you guys.

Answer 8

You need to find confidence in yourself...enough confidence to know that he'll never find BETTER than you...he could find different, but not better. Don't worry about who he looks at. Your jealousy is a turn-off because it shows a lack of confidence. Let him know it's fine to look, as long as you are the only one he's touching. Don't let yourself be intimidated by other women.

Answer 9

You're off to a good start you've realized that you have a problem. I would suggest that you get counseling..First go by yourself and than both of you...trust me it will help your relationship..jealousy is the on thing that can destroy your relationship!

Answer 10

you have to chill out, if the guy didn't want to be with you he wouldn't be, i know it bothers a lot of girl when a guy looks at another girl but as long as he not starrin pretty hard no harm done, and celebrities whats the chance in them ever meeting one!!! just chill out now if he was touching other girls that would be something to worry about!