My father in law was supposed to be very sick and near death. His wife has poor vision. They live 8 hours from us. My husband went to visit to help them.....almost 8 months ago. When I approached them last month about the whole thing...their response was, "What would you have done with your parents?" They won't move. I am sick and tired of being alone while he has set up a life in Tennessee to "help" his parents. He has reduced their stress level dramatically because he does alot. I feel guilty. Sad. Lonely. Angry. I don't think he should have just stayed.. He is not a single son...he has a wife and stepdaughter. I don't know what to think any more. His parents think it is fine that my husband lives with them to help them. Lonely in Illinois
2006-07-28 17:10:24 · 7 answers · asked by Miriam S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A wife's duty is to be with her husband and family, Why didn't you accompany your husband in the first place....my advice for you girlfriend, Pack your bags and go to your husband...he might need help....
2006-07-28 17:17:49 · answer #1 · answered by racheljackson54 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband must feel awful caught in the middle like this but he's going to have to be the "parent" to his parents. He needs to sell their home, pack their stuff in storage and move his parents closer to you guys in an assisted living home. He has a responsibility to his parents but he has an even bigger one to you his wife. Maybe if you get him some information on this subject from the Internet and at your public library it will help him to make a much needed educated decision.
2006-07-29 00:18:36 · answer #2 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are religious remind them of the verse in the bible that states when a man is married he leaves the home of his parents and starts a new life and family with his wife. His first comittment is to God and second to you. I know you are torn and feeling guilty. He is your husband and though they may have physical needs he is neglecting your emotional needs. he vowed to love you and honor you and cherish you and he need to realize that he needs to a as good of a husband as he is a son. His comittment should be with you.
If I may, what is it that makes it not possible for you to move out there to be with him. While you may feel like you shouldnt have to (and I agree) sometimes you have to make a great sacrifice to be with the ones you love. Your husband is sacrifcing a healthy marriage and happy wife. I know the lonliness you must feel but you need to tell your husband what kind of toll this is taking on you. Tell him flat out, "we can hire someone to care for your parents, but I cannot hire a husband I need you here for our marriage more than they need you to take care of them" We will look into getting them the most trustworthy and thourough health care we can afford, but this marriage cannot afford to suffer like it has been. I have been understanding and patient and you are such a good son but I need you to be a good husband to me now."
If he doesnt get that and calls you selfish then you are in trouble. He is a mommas boy and always will be. You should never come last. He should always out you first and you should always put him first. Its clear that you have put his feelings first aside from yours but now its time to deal with what it is you need from him in return. Good luck.
2006-07-29 00:21:08 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no fine line, honey. He is married to you, and it is with you that he belongs. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Essentially, you have been abandoned. If he has found a new life in Tennessee, get yourself a new life in Illinois You have legal grounds for divorce. See a lawyer.
2006-07-29 00:20:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should be with his wife. His parents were responsible for planning for their older years not him. If they won't move they must not need the help that bad, if they did they'd go wherever they needed to go to get it.
2006-07-29 02:32:47 · answer #5 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's his way of escaping his responsibilities with you and his step-child. He's left you without the legal consequenses. He probably has some little chicky out there. I hope you are not sending him any money. You can't be this naive.
2006-07-29 00:18:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your daughter and go to Tennessee to be with your husband.
2006-07-29 00:20:01 · answer #7 · answered by Call Me Babs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋