Do I have the right to be upset?

Question

My sister and I are really really close. She's 17 and last night she came home tipsy, she also told me that she smoked 2 ciggarettes. I while back she had sex with the boy she is planning on marrying and she has gotten tipsy once before. She had told me when she was yonger that she wasn't going to have sex before marrige and she would not get drunk. I just don't know what i can trust. I feel really let down by her. Do I have a right to feel like that? Or should i just realize it's her life and she will make her own decisons?

Answer 1

Sure, but keep in mind her decisions are hers and not yours. You can learn from her if that's what you want.

Answer 2

You do have a right to feel let down by your sister. I also felt let down by my sister (although she is 12 years younger than me). Many years ago, she stood up in front of our church congregation and pledged to God and everyone that she would wait until she was married to have sex (that was part of the True Love Waits program). She ended up getting pregnant at 18 years old (just as I had done). She did marry the boy who got her pregnant and my nephew is now 8 years old. That fact does not take away the hurt I felt when I found out she didn't wait. I just wanted her to have an easier life than I had, because I had 2 kids by the age of 20 and have been a single parent for 18 of those years. I did not want her to make the same choices I had. Fortunately for her, the guy she married is a good guy. She got lucky. I still feel let down by her even though she is successfully raising a family.

All you can do is talk to your sister and tell her exactly how you feel. What she does is her business, but as her sister, you do have the right to tell her how worried you are about the things she is doing.

Answer 3

I remember saying a LOT of things when I was younger that I was "never going to do".... are you younger than your sister? Give it time, you will probably end up surprising yourself as well. Don't read into it too much, she's still your sister afterall. Maybe she's finding peer pressure harder to deal with than she thought she would? Try to be there for her and talk to her about the dangers of some of the things she's doing, without making it sound like nagging. Both you and your sister will go through soooo many changes by the time you reach 25. What you love now, you'll probably end up hating in 5 yrs time. It's hard to imagine, but we all go through phases like this. Some of us get into bad stuff, some of us stay on the right path. Try to set an example for her, but don't suck up too much to your parents or else she'll feel like the black sheep of the family!

Answer 4

Well.......as a sister both older and younger I say that you have every right to be disappointed. As family (siblings) I strongly feel that we (you) are all the eachother has (sorry i am speaking to you like you are my sister so bare with me here). So when one of us gets STUPID we all have to step up to help here see the error of her ways. If she does not see that she is on a distructive path hten that is why you are there to let her know that you love her for who she is and when all of the liquor and men are gone baby you and your family will be there for her to catch her when she falls (along with GOD). Alot of people will say let her live her life and when she is ready she will grow up.......but I say that is bull ****. I have a 18yr old sister and she has a daughter that is a year old not so yeah when she started to get STUPID she was about 16. She started smoking w**d and drinking liquor and having s**. Now me and my older sisters tried to tell her that she was heading down a path that would lead to nothing but trouble. Now she is in an abusive relationship that she feels it is to hard to beark away from. No matter how hard and how long i talked with her she just would not listen I tried to tell her that what she is living is not LOVE but she said that she is GROWN and that she can do what she wants. My advise to you would be talk with your sister let her know that you are concerned for her safety and that you only want the best for her (which is what she deserves). God bless you and your sister I hope that what I have said will help you and her.

Answer 5

Your mistake was making her promise you something like that. And her mistake was making you that promise. Other than that, it's her life, and she's got a right to do as she pleases, with the only exception that she's a minor, so if her boyfriend is older than 18, then he'd be breaking the law. But the fact that she had sex before marriage is something good. She cannot wait till after marriage, because she might get disappointed when it's too late (and so could her boyfriend).

Answer 6

You're certainly allowed to have expectations of your sister and you should hope that she lives up to them, but you can't make her if she doesn't want to. Getting yourself upset is usually non-productive; feeling disappointed, let down as you said it, and deciding to have a chat with sis is the better option. If you tell her your opinions she may rethink her future choices and alter her actions a tad to the milder side... of course, there's the possibility that she may just tell you to mind your own bees wax. In either case, you'll feel better about the whole thing by having made your feelings known, and sis will have something new to think about before she makes a serious mistake.

Answer 7

She is a typical teenager who is going to make mistakes. Let her but also tell her how you feel and how her actions make you feel. Let her know that you will always be there for her no matter what. Maybe tell her to be safe and hope that she makes the right decision. If you rag on her then all she is going to do is do the opposite of what you say. Good Luck and I wish your sister the best!

Answer 8

You have no control over how you feel. People put a lot of importance on feelings but feelings don't come from your brain so they should never be used to make decisions with.
When thinking about your sisters behavior you should be disappointed. She is doing things both she and you know are not good choices. And why does she do these things now? Because they make her 'feel' good. Again, importance on feelings, isn't that sad. And she would rather feel good now than behave properly and wait to feel proud of herself later. You are a smart young person. It is her life and she is making her own decisions, but as you see she is not really mature enough to do so. Your loving parents are great guides to helping you make good decisions until you are mature enough to make those good decisions on your own. As a matter of fact, you will know you are mature as you grow when you are able to make you own decisions and you choose good ones. Good luck on your future. Being good and making good choices is fun and you get a lot of pride from it.

Answer 9

Hi Manda, everyone has choices to make. You can only live your life. your sister is a good person she just has some growing up to do. Try not to judge anyone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Once you two are older / married etc.. have chat then. You will see the world differently.

Answer 10

Validate your own feelings and let her know how you feel. You have every right to be upset and feel like you do when someone lets you down, but keep in mind she has to make her own choices, you can't make them for her. Just because you don't want to do those things doesn't mean she has to feel the same way. Tell her how you feel keeping that in mind and work on your relationship from here.

Answer 11

Let me be nicer than most of these answers. You do have a right to be upset, even angry. It's understandable that you feel let down. You have the right to your emotions. You need to talk to her about how you feel. Her decissions are her decissions. As much as I hate to say it, you can influence her to do good, but you can't make her do good. Don't yell at her. Maybe you should talk to your rents?


oh and extra add in: to the "we all think we won't drink, smoke or have premaritual sex..." and that it's HEALTHY for a 17 year old to be doing that....you're wrong...I said I would never touch pot, well I haven't even touched the drug at all let alone gotten high off of it, never smoked, yes i've had sex, but i said i wouldn't be permiscious about it...and i've had one sip of wine and i don't concider that drinking..i've kept to everything i promised myself...no drugs, no alcohol, no smoking, no permiscious sex