has anyone held an aged parent and stayed with them those last four days as they died.?

Question

i was very close to both of my parents and was able to spend the last 4 days of my mothers life in a room with her at the hospital. it was a hospice setting...more like an apartment where i was able to stay with her day and night. i thought it would be better when she passed because there was nothing, she wasn't there anymore so i continued to comfort her with gentle hugs and kisses...she hung on for four days until my brother and sister arrived. She died that afternoon with all of us around her. I THOUGHT it would be better if she died...but when she drew those last few long drawn out breaths and died then i thought what was i thinking...of course it wouldn't be better with her death...i haven't been the same since. has anyone had this experience and what were your feelings?

Answer 1

I was with my mom when she passed away,, also several years later with my father - law,,, they had suffered so long here and so much pain, it was a relief when they let go,,,,, they are in a much better place no more pain, sorry, troubles,,, if i could bring them home to me in the health they had before they got sick, i would,, but the way they were when they died,, they would not even want to come back here.

Answer 2

My grandfather passed away last month, and though its not the same as losing a parent, I was his caretaker for three years before his death. He had alzheimers disease and I prayed for his death to come many times. He suffered for so long under this disease- he was lost and afraid all the time becasue he didn't know where he was or who he was with. He was a scared little boy in a withered old mans body and it was horrible. I would cry myself to sleep at night hoping that he wouldn't wake up to the nightmare that was his life. When he finally passed away, my first sense was relief, but after a few minutes it sunk in and I regretted it. I wanted to take it all back. I wanted him back. I still do, and when I get overwhelmed I try to remember all those "bad days" and how much pain he was in. My suffering over losing him is nothing compared to his suffering in life. Try to remember that. You mother was sick or old or both, and regardless of your belief in the afterlife, her body stopped living becasue she couldn't do it anymore. It may not have been a conscious choice on her part, but it was her body's choice to stop. You are so lucky that you were able to spend those last days with her. My father never made it to the hospital to say goodbye to his dad. He regrets it everyday. He thinks, "If only I left an hour earlier..." Don't feel guilty for hoping to ease her suffering. Your intentions were good, and I am sure your mom would agree.

Answer 3

i'm really very sorry your mom passed away!!! my dad passed away in my arms from AIDS almost 18 yrs.ago and i haven't been the same since!!!! learn that death is part of the cycle of life. i've learn how to live my life more intensely-- as it were my last days. think about this...one does not know how to live until one knows that one is dying---why is that???? and why are sooo many people afraid of dying????? simple: they haven't begun to LIVE!!!! keep all this in mind and don't let your mom's death be in vain.

Answer 4

i was with my brother when he died. i still feel the same gut wrenching feeling as i did the moment he passed.