money and relationships...what does it mean?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together going on 9 months. Both of us want to get married but are scared for the usual reasons and we know that we arent exactly stable. I have just come into some medical issues and now have a ton of bills coming from all over. I took on a second job to help. The boss at my second job agreed that I could have the days off whenever my boyfriend was off since he works a 6-on/3-off schedule. Now its not happening. My boyfriend is somewhat upset because I promised him that I'd be off when he was and his job is really stressful (hes a correctional officer at a max. security prison) and he needs me to be there for him and I can't. He's even offered to pay my bills and stuff but I can't let him do that. It makes me feel inadequate...like I can't do for myself. Is that normal? If we were married my bills and his would be ours...but we aren't and I don't want to depend on him...not yet anyways. Does anyone have any advice or anything?

Answer 1

Two people can achieve more together than they can alone. His and hers is actually ours ... what you have is his and likewise. If you love him from your heart and give him your body and mind, evrything that is his is yours as well. You have to take this team mentality into this not your independent spirit. You can be the most successful single woman in the world and cannot be complete without him and you should feel this in your heart; he needs to understand this as well about you.

Working to build a life with someone you love is better than the alternative. There will always be money problems, work schedule issues and plain old arguments about what amounts to nothing. Enjoy it though ... because in the end there's a lot more good than bad. And at the root of your problems seems to be your burning desire to be together so keep trying to do just that; be together.

Answer 2

Okay first of all are there any kids involved? Second DONOT give up your financial freedom! Now promising him that you be off when he was seemed like a good idea at the time, but things obviously has changed. Either you can find another job that specifically fits your needs, or you can tell hime to get over it! In relationships it's about compromise. I was a corectional officer, and I am not sure what is so stressful about the job. I was a Deputy for 3 years while I was in COLLEGE FULL TIME! Then I went to Processing when I had my son. That is stressful! OH I DIDN'T MENTION THE STATE I worked in it's Louisiana! Girl I hope I am not reading to much into this, but it seems he is emotionally abusive. What about the stress that you are under. You need to sit down and talk to him, and let him know exactly how you feel. If he is making you feel like this now. It will not get better when you get married. It's cool if you both want to combine your incomes, and pay everything equally. However, do not become solely dependent on anyone. I am not being negative, but what if you both can't see eye to eye on this and you go your seperate ways. What then you still have to get a job and pay for the bills. My suggestion is to try and consolidate your bills so that you pay one monthly payment. This will relieve the stress of remembering dates,and forgetting to pay them. Like I said I worked in a maxium security jail, and from what I remember It was pretty laid back. I used to go to my tier and sleep all day, and in processing I was in the break room most of the time. I know the system I didn't hardly do s###. The stress is those 6 on and 3 off, but out here it was 4 and 2. If you and him can come to common grounds then try to do so. Otherwise, this problem will be there when you decide to get married. Try to get a handle on it now so that it would be less stressful. Please do not feel like you are doing something wrong. It's okay to feel like you are feeling. Just sit down with him and have a long talk. Communication is the key to a good relationship. TRUST ME!

Answer 3

It sounds to me like you are going to have to decide on what you want more your boyfriend or this second job. If you even pay $10 a month on your bills, they cannot turn you over to a collection agency because you are making an attempt to pay. I say quit working so much just to try and pay medical bills.

Answer 4

i know what you mean. as i was reading your question i was asking myself is this my question, seriously. almost everything you're going through is the same as my current situation. but if you love him you're supposed to be a team and teams stick together. if you want to get married deal with the small issues first. if he wants to help pay you're bills, congradulations you have a keeper. and he's proving to you that he loves you and will do anything for you to ease your stress and make your life easier. good luck though.things will only get easier in your life.