Is this just how marriage is?

Question

I've been married for about a year and a half. We relocated for my husband's job, and I couldn't find work for a few months. Our agreement was that I would do all the housework while I was unemployed, but that once I got a job, the responsibilities would be split evenly.
Well, I have a job now, and despite discussing the agreement recently, I am still doing all the housework while he sits on the couch all night.
Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of "wedded bliss?"

Answer 1

1). can you discuss it with him or is he uncommunicative sitting on the couch all night? If he's uncommunicative, perhaps you need to begin by learning how to talk to one another.

2). approach him with a plan. I think sometimes some men think that the house and particularly the kitchen are women's turf. If it were me, I'd ask him to join me in some chores that way we could have our quality time while our hands are working to take care of those mundane things and the time will go faster. "You wash. I'll dry." that kind of thing.

3). if he's not to be budged, go on strike. it will be hard, but don't do the chores and maybe he'll come around. if not don't do chores. Do your own laundry and fix and eat for yourself: only the essentials. Or if you can afford it, buy carry out for yourself alone.

4). I think it is very important to establish this and to do it without being angry at him. it's new for our culture and men and women both do not know how to behave in such a way that both are happy with the way the chores get done.

Good luck. God Bless you and your marriage now and for many many years to come.

Answer 2

Let see, I have been married 28 years and I can count on ONE hand how many loads of laundry my husband has ever done. He never vacumns, he never does dishes, he never even picks up his OWN laundry, I don't get his clothes to the washer, I won't MOVE his dishes to the sink, the only thing he does, IF I ASK twice is take the garbage to the curb on friday,which I still did today, three bags...my husband does work extremely hard at work, he installs guttering, fireplaces, phycial labor. Make a list of the stuff you will put up with, on one side put the stuff you will do because you want it YOUR way, then put on the other side of this list the things he will need to do in order for the house to run smoothly. Then after about a week or two if he isn't doing his list, DON"T MOVE A THING,,,, have a party, with the MESS, and let everyone know, oh, ha (husbands name) didn't get to that yet, just walk over it. Then after the party ONLY DO YOUR CHORES.... leave all the jobs he would have had to do before the party. then in a couple weeks if the junk is still there, pile it up in a stack right where he sits on the couch, when he gets home he can't miss it. stack other stuff like laundry and food bags, not garbage, just annoying paper noisey stuff around his spaces. Let him see how unfair it is to keep a space clean and share that space to have the one not responsible mess it up.Only keep the spaces you frequent the cleanest, and when he goes to use YOUR sink or YOUR toilet, direct him elsewhere....or tell him to pull his weight. I was off work 4 years, and with all the years we have been married, I just hate cooking, dishes, laundry, it gets done when I get to it, not a minute before. I work a straight forty hour week, then come home and work at least another 10-15 hours cleaning and doing laundry. Not to mention the hours spend cooking meals. I can't wait until my 14-yr old is 18 and either working or hanging with her older sister at her place. They are both slobs, they weren't raised that way. They will have to learn it someday. I learned in the NAVY....I don't recommend yelling and screaming, my latest complaint was the bathtub was always full of soap scum....I have to get on my knees that are messed up to clean it...once a week ya, but everyday for a week, no no... so I waited until the two of them was in a good mood and mention how much I loved them, but if either of them didn't start rinseing out the tub after them, someone else will be scrubbing it and it won't be me. And then we watched a funny movie together, never bring up something you want to change when you are both MAD won't work, won't change. It could get worse if you fight about it. Good luck. Other than my husband being lazy at home, he is a great father to his daughters, and if I overlook all the other things that tick me off, our marriage could be way worse. Just remember that.

Answer 3

Did you reminded him of the agreement? If not, remind him. If he still refuses to split the chores, have a serious talk with him. Tell him how you feel, how hard you work too, and how he didn't keep his words. If he still unreasonable, I don't know what to say except threaten to divorce the lazy man. Today is a new generation. Men and women are equal in a relationship and if he is not willing to accept the fact. You shouldn't waste your time with him since he doesn't seem to value you when he is making you do all the housework.

Answer 4

This is the way it's been for women for year's. You need to sit down and have a serious talk. No screaming,no emotion's. Get some paper and list what you need help doing. Marriage is a partner-ship.Don't sit around a crab about think.Make a plan,and have a talk. It's not to late to share the work load. You share a bed,and a life. Use your head. Married life can be a beautiful thing.

Answer 5

I think that a marriage should be 50/50. It is impossible for one person to hold a whole household together. You should talk with your husband again, and let him know that it is not right for him not to pull his own weight. A marriage is about team work. You are not his mother, or maid. Today is a new day where women work in and out of the house, so work together. This way everyone will be happier.

Answer 6

This is probably going to drive you nuts, but don't do it anymore. Separate his laundry from yours, his dishes from yours and anything else that has been designated as his half of the chore load. Eventually it's going to pile up (and I apologize in advance because it's going to drive you nuts) but, he'll get tired of it and start to lend a hand. Young men are like children, if you constantly do something for them, they will never desire the need to do it on their own. I've been married 17 yrs and went through what you did for 15 of those. Don't make the same mistakes I did. These last two years have been heaven. If you don't do something, you are going to start resenting him. That's not a good way to start off your lives.

Answer 7

Well, simply restate his promise to you, you now have a job, you both have to give in relationship. Draw up a list of fair duties for you both, check it off as it is done, if he doesn't do his part, then leave his half the laundry, leave his half the dishes, cook just for you..and see what he thinks about what it would be like without you there helping him. It has to be equal or if it is lopsided then something is bound to go wrong or blow a fuse.

Answer 8

Yes, this is it. Most men think it is a women's job, even if she works outside the home. Wait until you have kids. You'll work, clean house, take care of the kids and watch him as he relaxes on the couch. Married women have lots of titles: employee, nurse, doctor, housekeeper, child minder, lover, friend, psychologist, on and on and on. Unless of course you get through to him that you need his help, that you work hard as well and if he helps you, you both can sit and relax together at night.

Answer 9

goodness no! talk to him and work something out between you. Make sure that you really put your point of view forward, and that you remind him to keep his end of the bargains you set with each other. Don't fall into that feminine trap of doing everything for him.
(If you need to, throw sex into the "reward" of doing the housework..this works a treat ;))

Answer 10

Pick your fights, I have been working for years and lot of the time I have to use my days off to get the general cleaning done. When things get really out of control than I would say something otherwise that is usually the way it is!