who wants 10 points+2!!! u have to do this 1st. its easy...?

Question

give the funniest joke u know! who ever has the best joke gets 10points+2!

Answer 1

A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets a girl with no legs, crying.
"Why are you crying?" he asks.
"I've never been hugged," she says. The guy hugs her, but she continues crying.
"Why are you crying?" he asks.
"I've never been kissed," she says. The guy kisses her, but she continues crying.
"Why are you crying?" he asks.
"I've never been screwed," she says. The guy picks her up and throws her into the water.
"There," he says. "Now you're screwed."

Answer 2

There were a bunch of blondes at a blondes convention. They called one blonde up on stage and asked her what 1+6 was and she said 9 so the crowd yelled give her another chance so they asked her what's 4+2 and she said 14 again the crowd yelled give her another chance.The people asking the questions decided to give her an easy one so they said whats 1+1, she said 2 then the crowd yelled give her another chance.

I heard this one while I was at the beauty shop today.

Answer 3

First-year students at MedSchool were receiving their first anatomy class
with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table
with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class
by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important
qualities as a doctor

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human
body. " For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his
finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually
took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and licking on
it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said,

"The second most important quality is observation... I stuck in my middle
finger and licked my index finger."

Answer 4

Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh Beverly Hills furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims.

So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier discreetly whispers to the man, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000."

"No problem! I'll write you a check!"

"Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after your check has cleared."

So Sam and the woman leave. On Monday, Sam returns.

The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"
"I just had to come by," grinned Sam, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

Answer 5

There was a mother who went into labor and had to have her daughter call the paramedics...

The paramedics saw the mother was too far along to move and decided that he had to deliver the baby...The little girl ended up being his helper. He delivered the baby and smacked the baby on the butt to make sure the baby is fine...He looked at the little girl and said well what do you think of your little baby brother

She said "Smack his a- - again. He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place...

Answer 6

Johnny had a gambling problem so his da decided to move the family away to give him a head start on life.The father called the teacher the next day and told her about Johnny gambling problem she told dad not to worry I'll take care of it.Well Johnny went to school the next day and told the teacher I bet you 20 dollars you have a mole on your azz and to prove him wrong and stop his gambling problem she pulled her pants down and showed him her azz.The teacher called Johnny's dad and said I think I got him to stop gambling and the dad said what do you mean what happened today and the teacher begin to tell the father what happened and the father said nope,cause Johnny bet me a 100.00 dollars this morning that he would see your azz.

Answer 7

a man and his grandson are playing outside
the little boy is digging in the dirt when he comes across a worm..
"grandpa" the boy says " i bet you $5 that i can make this worm go back in it hole."
"ok son ill take you on that bet. However i doubt you can its all soft and wriggly"

so the boy runs up to the bathroom and grabs his grammas hairspray brings it back down and sprays the worm till its straight and hard and puts right back into the hole.
"see grandpa i did it"
"you sure did!" he says giving his grandson the $5 that was promised and he took the hairspray back upstairs.
about 10 minutes later grandpa comes back down stairs and hands him another $5.
"grandpa you already gave me $5"
"this is from your grandma"

Answer 8

TELEPHONE CALL

At dawn the telephone rings.

"Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo, your country house caretaker"

"Ah yes, Arnaldo.What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?"

"That's the one."

"Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?"

"From eating rotten meat."

"Rotten meat?Who was so mean as to give him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, he ate the meat of one of the dead horses."

"Dead horses? What dead horses, Arnaldo?"

"Why those pure-breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire."

"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for???"

"For the funeral."

FUNERAL???!!!!!"

"Your mother-in-law! She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."

SILENCE....................

"Amaldo, if you've hurt that driver....you're fired!"

Answer 9

Dan Quayle was asked who he thought the two most influential Black Leaders in American history are.

he thought for a moment, and answered, "Martin Luther King, Jr, and, um, Malcolm Ten."

Answer 10

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with his friend.

The man takes a gun and shoots his friend.

The wife throws her hands in the air, rolls her eyes and says in anger, "Hon if this is how you are going to behave, very soon you'll lose all your friends!!!"

Answer 11

this guy is walkin along and relizes he needs a donkey to carry his stuff. He sees a church with one and asks to borrow it.
"Of coarse you can"says the preist "but remember its a reverant donkey so for it to go just say praise the lord and to stop say amen". So he gets on along with his stuff and says praise the lord. he gets tired and falls asleep. When he wakes up he relizes the donkeys about to walk off a cliff. The guy yells out "AMEN!AMEN!AMEN!" and the donkey stops right at the edge. The guys so relieved he says "Phew, Praise the lord!"