Hello, I need help on understanding why in the past I had experience envy and jealous from the same very people that I've helped, support, love and encouraged along the way. Recently me and my boyfriend had gotton in a huge argument I excused him of being jealous and he honestly said things that came off as him being jealous of me . I also no that others are jealous and competitive towards me as well. I'm a person that does not have much and constantly struggles to make ends meet with my children, Im a great mom, I have a sense of humor and I love caring, sharing and helping people it is my greatest but yet my greatest down fall with people,. I always tend to get hurt or jealous arises, I'm not agorant or think im better, And it hurts me to know that people come off as being non supportive and jealous towards me. Im not a jealous person. It really really hurts and anger me. What should I do. They claim that they like me. but constantly compares themselves or copy me.
2006-07-28 13:20:44 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You sound like a sweet person that always puts the needs of others before your own. You are a calm and serene person, taking things one day at a time, always with a smile on your face even when things are hard. People are jealous of you because of this... you have the type of inner strength that many envy. The people around you, even the people you love the most, only see what you show them. Even when you struggle, you struggle gracefully. That is admirable and I think people want that for themselves. You should not change the great person that you are. Just know that unfortunately, not everyone has the inner strength that you do. All you can do the next time this happens (if it's someone close to you, like your boyfriend)explain to him, gently, that it hurts you when they are jealous of you. If they truly love you, they will at least try to understand.
2006-07-28 13:47:10 · answer #1 · answered by sugar 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow I can definitely relate to you. I'm a single mother also and I have a faily decent job, home and car but it wasn't always this way. You have to remeber that you encourage others but they may not do the same for you. I've learned that people will be people and to expect these things to happen so as to not het so hurt by it. I'm a very emothial sensitve peerson and it's taken me years to get through this one but just concertrate on you because people will take and never give back. It's time for you to think about you or no one else will. Best wishes.
2006-07-28 20:26:16 · answer #2 · answered by favoritecolorsblue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't remember the cliche, but something about copying someone being the sincerest form of flattery (Some one out there knows the correct line, I'm sure....) If they're trying to copycat you, they're trying to be like you. Competing with you also means they put you above them and they're trying to match or, or possibly unseat you to elevate themselves. It's just human nature. As long as you can SEE it, you're doing good. There's nothing you can do about what THEY do -- you can only control your own reactions. Once you let it roll off you, it frustrates them and you aren't bothered by it anymore. One thing for sure, NEVER expect someone else to give as much as you do -- you'll always be let down.
2006-07-28 20:36:21 · answer #3 · answered by Shadycat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People who help others in need are outgoing, compassionate, and generous to a fault. The quid pro quo is: generous people help and want love and gratitude in return. When the love and gratitude is not returned, the generous person gets hurt. Generous people have a hard time receiving help from others. They tend to not see what others are doing for them. They tend to be unthankful when they are on the receiving end of help, because they are uncomfortable being on that end.
There are two things to remember about helping others:
1) There are people who take advantage of you and will continue to take advantage of you. These are not your friends at all. They are ungrateful, speak evilly of you and are unworthy of your help. Stay 100 miles from these people.
2) People who receive help from you feel they owe you. As a result they feel diminished. It is unspoken -- felt more than thought. You always need to leave room to allow them to pay you back in some fashion. They may have you over for dinner. They may cut your lawn. The point is for a relationship like friendship to stay healthy there has to be a quid pro quo. Something for something, or favor for favor. The reason is that two friends need to feel they are on equal footing.
It sounds like your boyfriend feels diminished in your presence. That is the real problem, not his so-called jealousy. You need to cool it. You need to practice thankfulness. You need to build up your boyfriend, if he is worthy. He may be a lazy bum. You have to decide. If he is a good man, then build him up. Be thankful. Allow others to help you. Purposely arrange situations where you allow people to take the heads position and you take the tails position. That's the problem. You always want to be the heads and the people have to be the tails. Your friends are showing you that they don't always want to be the tails. It is not jealousy, it is a lack of equal footing. They don't have the words to express this clearly, and they probably are unaware of the dynamics working here. Your helping has to be something that builds your friends up, not make them beholding to you, even on an unconscious level. I surely hope you understand what I am telling you, because I tell you true.
2006-07-28 21:16:23 · answer #4 · answered by pshdsa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly love, jealousy is just human nature in some people. But as long as your kids are alright and your bringing them up to the best of your ability, why worry about any body else.
2006-07-28 20:25:09 · answer #5 · answered by European Champion 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think about this. every one know the answer before the question. you see depression comes from knowing what you must do but are scare to act on what you best foryou so we call people to hear themsay what we already know leave.a week of misery is better than a life time of heart ace and pain
2006-07-28 20:34:44 · answer #6 · answered by robert c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly step back and look at yourself. You may be a confident person but you also sound insecure. It sounds like you need to change things about yourself to make yourself love you before others can.
2006-07-28 20:24:06 · answer #7 · answered by Carpe Diem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, it sounds like you are a good person hanging around with some immature children. Be proud of who you are and spend time with people who are proud of you too.
2006-07-28 20:26:22 · answer #8 · answered by tweelala 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is because they see all your potential and would like to emulate you. Some picture you as role model while others see you as a competitor. Ignore them continue on be strong.
2006-07-28 20:25:08 · answer #9 · answered by karlhm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't sweat it it is their problem. God gave you these gifts you've mentoned and you use them well. Just love yourself. And one last thing tryi not encouraging the pople who are jealosus of you as much. Then see what their agenda really is.....
2006-07-28 20:42:18 · answer #10 · answered by Kemo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋