i have a good friend with whom i feel i am addicted to -- i always want to be with her -- i get jealous when she talks to other people and if she doesnt pay me enough attention... is this a self esteem issue on my part ? she doesnt know how i feel about her.. i am keeping it from her because i am afraid it will ruin our friendship..but i somehow convince myself that she knows how i feel ..that she can tell somehow -and that she is going to abandon me because of it - we have a good relationship (when i am doing my acting job ) i dont want to ruin it with obsessing and jealousy ...we are not sexually involved..we are just friends ..i am in therapy now and i talk about this to my therapist but it i cant seem to shake it --- is there any good books i can read about this or any good websites i can visit to help along with my therapy or can anyone relate to this ? i am so anxious and its taking a toll on my other "Normal" relationships...any advice
2006-07-28 13:10:57 · 17 answers · asked by bill 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I could've written that myself about a friend I used to have. I was obsessed with her and she did know it. It did eventually ruin our friendship. I was so jealous when I wasn't #1 in her life. I do believe it's a self esteem issue. In my case, though, I was looking to her as a mother subsitute because my mom had just died. She was several years older than me. Our friendship was so hard, though because I wanted us to be closer than what we were...not in a sexual way. I wanted us to be best friends and I was just a friend to her. I wanted us to be close like family and it was hard for me to accept that we never would be. I eventually ended up in the hospital twice because of the stress of it all. I'm also in therapy. Stick with the therapy. I know you don't want to hear this, but it may be best to end the friendship, at least for awhile until you get your emotions under control. The last thing you want to happen is to permanently lost the friendship and have her end it and there be no chance for reconciliation. I would give anything to have that friendship back. I would've loved to be closer with ehr, but I would take it the way it was again if I could have it back. Don't do anything that she would find out how you really feel. That's way too much pressure on her. Good Luck!!! I hope yours turns out better than mine did.
2006-07-28 13:21:41 · answer #1 · answered by First Lady 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I had a friend where I felt this way too but we were sexually involved so there is a difference. But before this happened thats how I was about her (The way you describe) the sex just made it worse. For me she just blew me off and eventually I got over her cold turkey but if you legitamately just want to be friends with this girl then therapy is a good start. Maybe talk to her explain how you get this way and your trying to stop. Perhaps plan days to spend alone or with other friends so that you arn't dependent on her or 'needing' her. If it gets worse then perhaps looking into other friends would be a wise solution
2006-07-28 13:24:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to focus your attention on other things, dear one...things that don't require your friend. Just like anything a person is addicted to, something needs to push the addiction out. Go to the library and read up on jealousy. It is a nasty emotion. Start a hobby that you do alone, such as reading a particular genre of book, or working crossword puzzles, playing single player card games.
You need to be able to be yourself when you are not with and with that friend. Do it for yourself, or you will never find the happiness you deserve.
2006-07-28 13:16:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wanting nothing more than to be with one person all of the time is not unhealthy so long as the feelings are mutual. You may want to look inside your heart and be honest with yourself, you sound like you are in love. Don't be upset with me for coming to this conclusion but reread your question and statement. Good luck.
2006-07-28 13:16:49 · answer #4 · answered by i.needitall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.. try that direction, look it up at the library or Internet and see a doctor for advice. Sometimes you cannot control these strong emotions and medication can help..?
2006-07-28 13:26:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are attracted to your friend but don't want to scare her off by telling her how you feel. It is normal to be attached to a good friend and feel threatened by other people whom you perceive to be trying to take your friend away from you. Your situation sounds a bit more like attraction. I could be wrong... By the way are you a girl or guy?
2006-07-28 13:15:41 · answer #6 · answered by sukditup 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont know. I thinks it cuz maybe u like her more than a friend or envy her. I mean everyone has someone that their jealous of and wish they could be like. Just try to figure it out. Really think about and ask urself, do u want to be her? or do u want to be with her?
2006-07-28 13:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well is this a new relationship? And you're just happy to be around her, someone new. Whatever you do dont tell her. I once thought my bi-sexual friend wanted me. Things just got weird after that.
2006-07-28 13:18:09 · answer #8 · answered by Crazy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have never been like that but i have had a friend like that but it didnt end well because she broke into my house and stole some pictures of me so my mom put a restraining order
2006-07-28 13:15:22 · answer #9 · answered by so-lost 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah me it has gotten to the point that my guy told me to leave him alone so i did its hard gettin over him but hey try something new
2006-07-28 13:16:06 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ A pirates life for me ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋