Please Be Honest
"Soles"
I came to hate parking lots.
Row upon row of cars and me without keys.
I wove in and out of the junkers and shiny
ego trips.
All of them locked up tight.
I heard the sound of leather,
tasted dashboard dust.
Maybe I could learn to jimmy locks.
I tapped at windows waiting for alarms or a
long shot.
I wished I knew how to hot-wire.
I dreamed of asking for directions at a
greasy gas station.
Yet driving randomly and reaching my
destination anyway.
All I could feel was the echo of engines.
The sound of their cooling like the ticking
of clocks.
I sat on a curb considering the weight of
my shoes.
2006-07-28 12:05:35 · 23 answers · asked by Terra 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
A little raw, but good nonetheless. I'll give it a 7.5
2006-07-28 12:08:06 · answer #1 · answered by Nitz Frugent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7
2006-07-28 12:18:56 · answer #2 · answered by Courtney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7
2006-07-28 12:12:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anirod 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
6
2006-07-28 12:33:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
7 1/2
2006-07-28 12:08:31 · answer #5 · answered by ツ Andrea*♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard to rate. Not bad.I'd give it a 6. Be careful when using adverbs as in the line "Yet driving randomly and reaching my" adverbs don't carry their weight in poetry as they do in prose. Why didn't you break the the line as if you were speaking: Yet driving randomly/and reaching my destination" "anyway" strikes me as superfluous-as does the word "yet""The echo of engines/the sound of their cooling like the ticking/of clocks" very good. The final 2 lines are enigmatic. I think they might work. The titles implies
both sun beating down, akin to the Spanish "sol," and lots of walking. The dreaming throws us. Walking in the heat...or is it night? Are you sleeping? Write on.
This slightly surreal quality helps enrich the poem. An 8 for effort.
2006-07-28 12:20:49 · answer #6 · answered by robert r 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On a scale of 1 to 10 if 1 was pathetic and 10 was excellent, I would give this -5.
2006-07-28 12:47:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm I would give it a 6 you have to read it more than once like any other poem but it shifts views from a parking lot to the open highway. The use of adjectives was very good, better than I could. oh a couplet yay!!!
2006-07-28 12:13:00 · answer #8 · answered by Gecko 1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a writer an and editor, I will be generous and give the poem a "3."
It has grammatical form mistakes, lacks variety, tends to be excessively repetitive in word usage, and employs silly predictable similes.
2006-07-28 12:15:41 · answer #9 · answered by sochiswim 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eight.
And I mark hard.
That's definitely good enough to publish. I have to want to keep it for a nine, and want to memorize it for a ten.
If I opened a poetry book in a bookstore, I would turn the page to read more by this author.
2006-07-28 12:13:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is as good as anything I have ever read, but I especially like the way it sounds when I read it aloud.
Outstanding
9.5
Unless your friend is in Middle or High School, then 10
2006-07-28 12:30:05 · answer #11 · answered by aka DarthDad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋