I first found out after we had out third child but that it started while I was pregnant with the third. I knew before we got married that he spent most of his time online looking at porn. I have watched it with him as well as allowed him to take clips of us for later viewing. I have left him 2 times witht he promise that he would get help or tell me when he has the urge so I can be there to help him through it. I even started giving him prizes for going time periods without it. eventually, he falls back into old habits. I dont mind the porn so much. Those girls are out of reach. What I do mind is now its becoming local. I have found profiles of females from our area, pictures, and contact information. He lies to my face about it but later admits it and say he doesnt know why. He doesnt even 'think' about it when he does it. I do everything imaginable with him to keep his satisfied. Im worried that its going to go from online to in person. How can I keep it from going that far?
2006-07-28 12:03:44 · 12 answers · asked by Beans 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Our sex life is great. He tells me Im the best there is and he doesnt have aneed for anyone else out of sheer respect for me, but if thats the case then why the local looking? I do pics and vids for him and even fantasy talk. We do more than whats in the porn we watch! I have told him that Im hurt and that I will leave if he ever cheats. he knows that he will lose out on his family for a few minutes of freakiness. He is a great guy. Im just scared if he has cheated or does, he wont ever fess up. Ive wrote him letters so he can reread my feelings, I have told him to his face, and I have physically left him and required him to attend counseling before I returned. He doesnt even cover his tracks. I find the pics and history on his computer very easily. Its like he wants me to know?
2006-07-28 12:12:33 · update #1
One more thing, i have told him that I dont mind masturbation. I prefer if he involved me and we even use it in our dirty talks so im not repressing his needs. I just want to be included. He says Im everything he fantasizes about and when he does masturbate, its me and him, so why the other girls, especially since they all look NOTHING like me?
2006-07-28 12:14:32 · update #2
I think by making it taboo and trying to give him treats for staying off of it, you are actually supercharging the behavior. it's the cookie jar effect.
You might have to live with him doing porn on the side, but just ask ihm to treat it like masturbation or taking a dump-something to be done in private, but not soemthing that would dominate his life.
of course, if he really wants to have an affair, and you indicate that he seems to want to, There's probably nothing you can do to stop him. Determined people are like that. Generally, though, ther's some unmet need that drives this sort of thing, so try to hone in on and redirect that.
2006-07-28 12:10:35 · answer #1 · answered by electroberry1 3 · 13⤊ 4⤋
2
2016-07-20 14:28:14 · answer #2 · answered by Heather 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it's almost going to be a self-fulfillng prophecy: that you'll inadvertently create the outcome you fear because you've both attributed too much significance to it. Everyone has their fantasies and their "dirty little secrets", and left to our own vagaries that's generally where they stay. But between you and your husband, it's become a whole "issue" of epic proportions, which in turn necessitates secrets and lies and subterfuge to keep hidden...and as such, it's damaging your relationship. Am I excusing the viewing of porn? I'm neither excusing it nor condemning it, I'm just wondering if the fighting is worth the damage it's done to you both? If you resist the urge to throw down the gauntlet or draw lines in the sand with each other, there's no need for anyone to take definitive stands or one-up their positions. No futher need for dishonesty, lying or hiding. A host of other issues that cropped up as a result of your battles over porn will have disappeared. Anyway, that's my opinion for what that's worth. But if what you've been trying hasn't produced the results you want, maybe a new approach is in order. Good luck to you both.
2006-07-28 12:35:41 · answer #3 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exaclly where your coming from my fiance is the same way he looks at porn every chance he can. but he will not look at it while im home he has that much respect for me. however i dont agree with it being ok im against it. i think its just in there nature to want to look at all women i often question him on me being the only women he needs to look at but then again all guys watch porn so nothing you can really do about it. i would sit down and tell him say dont you think this is getting out of control looking at porn is one thing however going to single sites is another. give him a chance to change and if he doesnt then theres only one thing you can do. good luck with that. :)
2006-07-28 12:12:55 · answer #4 · answered by karmen0085 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may develop some understanding if you realize that males have a libido 12 times that of a female.
Think about that for a moment and put it in perspective: for every time you think about sex, a male thinks about it twelve times more.
And that's just an average.
Addiction? a repressed society ridden by guilt, more like.
2006-07-28 12:09:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication. yes, guys have a weakness with porn. All of us know that. Have you tried talking REASONABLY with him about it. Letting him know how much it bothers you? Not getting angry, not yelling, not crying, just looking him in the face and letting him know that it insults you that you aren't enough for him? And then you could try to be more "exciting" for him. I don't know what your sex life is like, but if he's looking elsewhere, you might try harder.
2006-07-28 12:08:04 · answer #6 · answered by music_junkie_55 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Draw the line with him. Say you're cool with him getting off on porn but say fantasy is fine, reality is not. If he steps out on you and hooks up with someone local, it's over. Harsh but I think it makes sense.
2006-07-28 12:06:19 · answer #7 · answered by fugutastic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man lived without computer once he could do it again just put the computer away for awhile. just unplug and live a non virtual life.
2006-07-28 12:07:45 · answer #8 · answered by Chris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nothing wrong with porn,they can not touch him now can they,he can not have sex with them phisically,and if the two of you do want more say swinging go for it,it works for us
2006-07-28 12:07:30 · answer #9 · answered by witchdoctor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U can't help someone if they don't want to help themself. U may think of starting a new life without him.
2006-07-28 12:09:25 · answer #10 · answered by Icandy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋