I took my vows, but I am in a marriage, because I had a baby, but I am not really in love with this person. What do I do? He financially supports me so I have nowhere to go.
2006-07-28 11:45:38 · 25 answers · asked by Liz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like you got nothing more than what you set yourself up for.
Quit whining...he isn't exactly getting a prize under these circumstances, now is he?
2006-07-28 11:47:58 · answer #1 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he a good husband? Is he good to you and the baby? Does he feel like the marriage is a lie?
Your first mistake was marrying someone you didn't love. How selfish was THAT? How great that must make him feel.
But since you did vow before God and family and friends and which ever state you live in, to love and honor - till death do you part- I would suggest making a go at it.
Passion is short lived. But it is possible to learn to love someone.
Secondly, you had a baby with someone you didn't love? Are you crazy? Is that the kind of example you wish to set for your child?
One way or another, you are bound to your husband for life. You have a baby together.
Get on with it. Educate yourself and try to find a way to make it work. The grass you think may be so much greener on the other side? Probably isn't.
As for me, I feel bad for your husband and child.
2006-07-28 18:56:20 · answer #2 · answered by lilly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you never marry for the childrens sake. Thats ole school way of thinking.
but.. whats done is done. You married him for better or worse. you took your vows ok. do you know what REAL LOVE is? There is a chapter in the Bible that talks about real love, not infatuation, not lust,but real love.
love suffers long...love does not seek to please its own, love hopes, love bears all things.
Listen you've married for the wrong reasons,now you have to search your heart and find the true love that is within you and you will see that you really do love your husband.
Of course you may not like him, or his ways but you need to see the good in him, If he is abusive then leave the realtionship. God doesn't want you to be hurt even though we are in a world where life is not perfect. If you leave the relationship, you will have to consider the fact that you need to get educated and find a job. There are places that can help you get started. but don't do any thing you will regret later. Make a wise decision!
No one ever said life would be easy!
I hope the best for you!
2006-07-28 18:59:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a family that will help support you? If so, tell them your situation and hopefully they'll help you. It isn't fair to you, your husband or your child if you're in a marriage where no one is happy. Have you thought about getting a job and supporting yourself? Thats another option. It's never a good idea to be totally dependent on another person. Maybe you should get a job, save some money and move out. There are lots of organizations that can help you with child care and also help you if by chance you are being abused. I wish you luck.
2006-07-28 18:51:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go back to school and get your degree. Then leave and make custody arrangements. Also, ask yourself: is it that I don't love him, or is being married harder than I thought? Are we too different, or is there some common ground somewhere? What made you sleep with him to have a baby, and what are his good and bad points? Marriage today is taken as a convenience or inconvenience, and that's sad. Why? Because, if you read the vows, it says "for better or worse, richer or poorer, forsaking all others, till death do you part," not, "till it's boring or he gets fat"! Take some time to really think about what is best for you and your child, because kids are not stupid. They know parental tension, and it affects them. Remember; kids grow up to marry their parents, whether good or bad.
2006-07-28 20:07:33 · answer #5 · answered by Judy W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tamborine is right. Maybe its all the stress of having a baby that comes between a couple and it really puts stress on a relationship. You think you dont love him, but I think you do, you just dont feel that "new" relationship feeling anymore so you feel like you dont love him. Try to imagine how life would be if you could support yourself and leave. Would you miss him? Would you be alright with him finding another women and starting a family with that new women? Think about it all, it will help. Also, if you really dont love him or want to be with him, you would be making all efforts to leave, not asking for peoples advise. Get a job, move back in with parents or do what many singles do with or without kids, GEt a Room Mate!
2006-07-28 19:02:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A shotgun wedding is not always the best reason to get or stay married. Your feelings are normal. Now, if you are not on drugs or have child abuse charges pending, you can divorce him, gain child custody and support plus possibly spousal support. You owe it to your husband to sit down with him and honestly explain the situation. It serves no purpose to stay in an unhappy marriage. It will eventually cause trouble down the road between you two and the baby doesnt deserve it either. Sorry, things didnt work out and good luck. If I can help in any way, email me
2006-07-28 19:01:01 · answer #7 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a hard situation to be in. My suggestion would be to start looking for work that you are qualified for, and start saving up some money so that you can support yourself. If you have no current skills that are marketable, consider looking into some specialty schools (cosmetology, technical schools, etc.) that will be able to fast track you into a career, as opposed to waiting 4 years to get a degree that may prove useless without experience. This way, you can get out on your own, but maybe in the meantime, you'll find something to love about this man that takes care of you and ya'lls child. If not, you'll be able to divorce him and allow him and yourself a chance to find someone that loves you the way that you both deserve. Good luck! :)
2006-07-28 18:50:32 · answer #8 · answered by holleygirl11 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be grateful to have a man who wants to keep his family together. And he is financiallly supporting you guys too? That's a good man. Can't you learn to love him? You did lay down with him to get pregnant, so he can't be too bad. In many other countries, people marry for convenience and to have children, many times love comes later. Respect your husband for the kind of man he is-one that respects you and his child enough to make the decision to keep you all together. Its hard being a single mother, girl! Heck, he probably has some issues with you too. Its not easy for him either I'm sure. I really hope you realize what you have and learn to love this man. It is possible. Give it a try, ok?
2006-07-28 18:59:18 · answer #9 · answered by Poetess_4U 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have a lot of options open to you right now. You can try marriage counseling. Another option is to tell your husband you made a mistake & to fix it you'd like to get a job and save some money to eventually move out. You should contribute some money to the home because he wasn't his fault you make this mistake. It'll take a while so in the meantime try to make this a pleasant home for your child.
2006-07-28 18:51:03 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a difference between love and passion. Passion is that crazy over the top feeling when you first meet someone. Love is a commitment to make things work once the passion goes away.
Don't give up so easily. Is he good to you? Is he good to your baby? Is he committed? Is he a good person?
Perhaps you need to concentrate a little more on making your marriage work. It's not always flowers and champagne.
2006-07-28 18:48:56 · answer #11 · answered by Tamborine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋