I recently found out that my wife has kissed a freind of hers at work a few times, I don't know how to take it. I know she is attracted to women and that is kind of sexy but what is okay when it comes to fulfilling those fantasies? I confroned her about it and she says it is no big deal but the only reason I found out was by reading some emails that she talks with her frinds about. Advice?
2006-07-28 11:33:40 · 22 answers · asked by bsiek 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
We have talked about the situation and I did know about her attraction to women for a long time. She says it's no big deal but I have conflicted feelings because she hid it and at the same time I think that it is pretty damn sexy. I di trust her and she has told me about what she had done before we were married (to some extent). She says that it has never gone any further than a kiss here or there and only like 3 times over 5 years. Should I believe that? Argh!
2006-07-28 15:27:29 · update #1
I understand your pain, but reading private things is not OK. However, back to the issue......I don't think it's any more acceptable for a woman to kiss a woman outside marriage than it is for her to kiss a man. Unless, you OK it.
If she is really gay, then it's a matter of time. If, she is bi, then you have a decision to make. Maybe it is just for fun? I know lots of people who aren't officially gay or bi, who have experimented.
The real issue is honesty and what you'll accept.
2006-07-28 11:37:51 · answer #1 · answered by oldsoul 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow! That's a tough one buddy! Well I know how she feels on that point but I had to explain to my husband the real truth about what I have done and hope that he will understand that that is a fantasy for women. I don't think she is replacing you. That is what you should be asking yourself! Fantasies I think are pretty cool if you know when to end it but you should take deep breathes and join in the fun for one good time! you guys are married, and til death do you part. so try a little spice in the marriage. it just might be a wake up call for you to get a boost on the sex life. Just sex her real dgood to where she don't want to go no where else. I bet she will stop then!
2006-07-28 11:44:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she thinks this is no big deal and you think it is, you need to talk about it with her and let her know exactly how you feel. Maybe you should ask her if it would be a big deal if you were to kiss other women, see how she feels about that. If all else fails, see if you can get a little bit of threesome action going on and take full advantage of this opportunity buddy. Some guys only dream of what you are describing.
2006-07-28 11:41:03 · answer #3 · answered by royal_fryer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What if it had been a man she kissed instead? You would probably consider it cheating. It may be "no big deal" to her, but what about you? Also, if it's truly no big deal, why didn't she tell you?
Any fantasies my husband & I have we share openly with eachother. I would never act upon them without my husband knowing... especially if I was telling all my friends! I would expect my husband to be very hurt if he found an email like the one you found from your wife. I would never do that to him -- I have way too much respect for him!
To fantasize about something is one thing -- to act on it is quite another situation.
If it is unacceptable to you that she kiss other people, than tell her so. She is your wife... she should be attracted to, and turned on by YOU. If she is attracted to women, she could very well leave you for one... just as easily as she could leave you for another man. That happened to one of my husband's best friends!
2006-07-28 12:04:44 · answer #4 · answered by .·:*RENE*:·. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's cheating, plain and simple. Your wife should not cheat on you and you should not let it go on now that you know about it. If she still wants to be with this co-worker then dump her, once a cheater always a cheater. It doesn't matter if she cheated with a man or woman.
She might have only been curious about kissing another woman but she still should have told you. Talk to her about it.
People like this give bisexuals a bad name cause they are just curious or a cheater and try to play it off as being bisexual, which it's NOT. That's a unloyal myth. Anybody can be loyal or unloyal, it's the person's choice.
2006-07-28 11:35:23 · answer #5 · answered by MindStorm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am bisexual and my husband is fine with it. He has joined a couple times too. But whats good for one person isnt for another. Talk with your wife and explain to her your feelings on the issue. If you feel jealous or uneasy, let her know. Even if it is your wife with another woman, cheating is cheating unless you BOTH agree and are comfortable with the situation. Maybe if you both experienced this situation one time you can decided what you feel on the situation. If you begin to feel uncomfortable, let your wife know. If you dont let her know that this "kissing" thing is making you uneasy, she will continue to do it and you will (if not already) develope feelings of jealousy, unworthines, etc. Like I said, cheating is cheating. Just talk to her about it. Trust me, no matter what, you find out what you need to know about the whole thing if you two talk. Good Luck!
2006-07-28 11:41:37 · answer #6 · answered by brandie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it happened after you married her, it is wrong. Cheating is cheating regardless of the gender of the parties involved. Decide for yourself if you want to be with a woman who will cheat on you. (No, I don't think it's "just kissing" if it was an intimate kiss. That's sexual and that's cheating in my book. A kiss on the check is another matter.)
If it happened before you were married, don't worry about it. She's with you.
If you like the idea of an open marriage and are turned on by woman on woman sex, ask to participate.
2006-07-28 11:39:04 · answer #7 · answered by certifiedtarotmaster 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just don't try to get even by kissing another guy! Kiss another girl instead. Seriously, either love it and ask to join in or put a stop to it before its too late.
2006-07-28 11:38:04 · answer #8 · answered by El Teke 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she's not a very good wife she should only be kissing you
if she has feeling for women she should have told you that
she wanted to see other women and you two could talk about
it together (and why are you reading her e-mail)
2006-07-28 11:47:30 · answer #9 · answered by tameih69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Agreed. She is acting as though she did not choose this lifestyle or its consequences.
No matter what she says- "join us, it is cool, makes you hot..." BS!
It is the same as she were taking it from another man, plain and simple.
Divorce her or make her come to her real reality.
End of story.
2006-07-28 11:40:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋