My husband isn't ready for a baby, what can I do?????

Question

My husband and I are in are mid 20's. We make a combined income of >$150,000/yr. I am an RN w/very flexible schedules. We're home owners, and even the proud parents of a dog. We have been together for 9 years and married for 1. We have gone on vacations have gone through our years of partying with friends, and so on. Now I feel like the next logical step is bringing a child into this world. I feel very ready and excited for motherhood, however my husband's opinion greatly differs, He wants children, however not right now. And on the other hand I feel that there is nothing holding us back. I ask he why he does not want a child and he give the typical male response:"he is not ready to give up his lifestyle", and so on... well he didn't want the resposibility of a puppy either, and he couldn't love him more. He wants to wait a year, however fertility problems run in my family, 1 yr could turn into 5, and he knows this...how do I change his mind. It think he is more ready than he knows.

Answer 1

I think that you should just get pregnant to show him that he was ready. Plus you do not want to wait to long because you might to have any kids or have a hard time getting pregnant.

Answer 2

Have some patience. He'll be ready when the time is right. Do not nag. It totally is a whole new world once you cross-over, and it IS scary from the moment they make you leave the hospital. It's like "holy crap" what do we do with this little thing. With baby #1 you're insecure ALL the time the first year. Even though grandma's help out and friends help, they aren't there 24/7. You should be a little happy in the fact that your husband realizes the huge resposibility enough to know he's not up for the challenge yet.

You have p-l-e-n-t-y of time. You could start secretly stock piling away "maternity leave" money and when you've saved enough to get you through 3 months of no-pay then introduce the subject with some substantial numbers. Most people like absolutes and the unknown is scary as heck. Good luck.

Answer 3

He's obviously scared and he has every right to be I mean you will be responsible for this living thing for the rest of YOUR life that's a scary though your sole purpose will be to make sure this child is taken care of that's heavy. It's good that he wants to wait until he's ready too many people have kids who don't need to have kids. Don't look for ways to manipulate him that's not fair. Talk with him and see what he has in mind for children. Ask him why he wants to wait a year. What does he think would be the difference with starting now and starting in 2 years. Get to know how he feels about the whole situation. If the thing that is worrying you is that you don't want to have to wait five years due to infertility then go to a doctor now and first see if there is anything wrong with either one of you that would cause problems conceiving. If there isn't then great you know you won't have problems and if there is then maybe the doctor can put you or him on some kind of program to start getting you or him ready that way when your husband IS ready your body and his will be too. Good Luck i'm sure everything will be wonderful for your family!!

Answer 4

You have to wait until he is ready too. Marriage is about what both people want. not just one. I know how you feel. I know that bringing a child into this world is something we all dream about. But if you end up pushing him into this, not only will he resent you and blame you for having to give up on his lifestyle. More than likely it will cause problems, and may end your marriage. A child is a huge responsibility, which I am sure that you are aware of. Your marriage and life will never really be the same again. Take time and enjoy being married, before you make such a drastic change.

Answer 5

Once he sees how happy this will make you he will start think about it. Start pointing out things about fatherhood that he will love. Start walking past the infant section in at WalMart and get teary eyed so he sees your aching to be a mother. You can also start calling him "Daddy" in a sweet soft voice when the moments right. He doesn't have to give up his lifestyle just make a few changes when the baby arrives. You can also get some parenting books to lay around.

Have you thought about babysitting a infant so he can experience it a little and see you holding a baby?

You know him and love him so if you think/know he's more ready than he thinks then you should try and change his views to see how much love a baby can bring. There is nothing like parenthood or being a MOM. I LOVE it LOVE it LOVE it. Being a mom is so rewarding and being a dad. Help him see how rewarding a baby is.

Answer 6

A puppy is not comparable to a child, for one thing. :)
If he really wants to wait a year, then you should wait. But after a year, I would bring it up with him right away and remind him of what he said and why having a child would be such a wonderful addition to your family. (which it is -I'm a mother of an awesome teenage boy)
You may be able to change his mind before the year is up, but I would try it subtly, because you cannot force him to change his mind. There are some movies that you two could watch together that demonstrate how living your life for your family and those you love is so much more fullfilling then just living to make more money or get more things. Like the new movie, "Click" with Adam Sandler. Awesome movie! :)

Answer 7

I am in your situation right now. I am in my 20's and i am still in school thought. I have one child and i want more. My husband doesn't and my question to you is how long are you willing to wait for him to decide when HE wants to have children? Just like me, we talked about having four kids before we got married. We been together for 6yrs. and married for 3. To this day, after we had my daughter he says no kids because he doesn't want to deal with the responsibility of them. If you wait and it's been 3 or 4 years later and still no change how would you feel then? Then again he could change his mind in a year or two. I suggest you talk it out with him, and tell him how you feel. Doing so will help you both decide what to do for your future.

Answer 8

Give him his year. One year of marriage (even with a 9-year relationship) is not enough to support the changes that parenthood creates in your lives. Just go on being married for another year, or two, or five. When he is ready, you'll still be ready. Fertility problems can often be fixed (especially with an income like yours), and even if they can't, there are millions of children whose birth parents don't want to care for them; you could adopt. Introducing a child that one parent is mentally not ready for can strain a new marriage - and it's still a new marriage, even after a year.
I wanted kids as early as 2 years into our marriage. My husband wasn't ready. We waited; our son was born in our sixth year of marriage and our daughter in our ninth year of marriage. We would have been disastrous parents if we had done it any earlier. I was 27 when my son was born, 30 when my daughter was born; we plan to have no more children. They are both healthy and both were healthy (but tedious) pregnancies.
Marriage is often about compromise. Compromise on this one, and your whole family will benefit from it.

Answer 9

You must love him because you married him.He must love you because he married you. Don't trick him or pressure him into changing his mind. He is not denying you a child because he hates you or just to be stubborn. He honestly doesn't want a child right now. It would not be fair to make him be a dad before he is ready and it would not be fair to a child to not be joyfully anticipated by both parents. He has asked you to wait a year, not forever. You should respect his wishes and shelve the idea for a year. Bring it up again then if he hasn't brought it up in the meantime.
You say you want to change his mind for him and that he may not know how ready he is? Is he that feebleminded or does he just not deserve to have his feelings and ideas respected?

Answer 10

If he keeps saying he is not ready, then he is not.. He won't be a good daddy. Maybe you two should have a heart to heart... because if you want babies, and he don't, that is a major issue that needs to be addressed. You should both be able to have what you want here. If you want babies, maybe you married the wrong man, and vice versa. You don't want a bad daddy for your kids, but by the same token, if he don't want to have kids, you both are right, just not on the same page. And if one of you changes your wants or ideas, there will be regret later in years... be careful here. Have a heart to heart. You need to figure out what you want more? Kids??? or Happy Marriage?? or what?? Only you can make that decision.

Answer 11

Try to talk to him about it. Don't be to pushy though. He's probably scared of being a father. Some people dont pick up on parenting first thing. I wouldn't wait too long though, if you have to wait over a year and a half, I think its logical to just skip birth control and have a child like that. Maybe he'll be better then, and maybe he'll learn he likes the idea of being a parent.