I have 50/50 joint legal custody and primary physical custody of my 4-year old daughter. Aside from shared holidays, court papers say we alternate birthdays each year (he has her for her birthday one year, and I have her for her birthday next year).
When it comes to a child's birthday party (for school friends), should I extend the invite to my ex husband? Even though me and my parents are providing the costs, food, etc. Also, my parents aren't too keen on my ex, considering he broke my trust.
I guess he could come to the party if he agrees to splits costs of the party; and then I can do a separate party with my daughter with my parents and family. I would feel uncomfortable if he was there at her party with friends from school and being that my family members are there too at the same time.
Honest answers please. Tell me if I'm over-reacting or not. Thank you!
2006-07-28 11:11:15 · 14 answers · asked by Cathy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well I can only speak from experience and just recently went through this situation. My family hates, I mean despises my soon to be ex-husband. He wanted to be with his son on his birthday, I told him he could see him during the day but would have to leave before my family arrived for his party. He was very angry and didn't see his son at all. Our son is two, we also have a 3.5 year old. My philosophy on this is... My family has been t here for my childeren and myself though everything and family always will be there for you. If your family is going to be uncomfortable around the ex, the chemistry of the party is going to change. Tension will be high and your daughter will sense it. I would never do that to my sons. It's there day to be number 1, have fun. So let her day see her before the party or after the party. Hope it all works out.. no fun at all trying to make everyone happy.
2006-07-28 11:22:39 · answer #1 · answered by what do you think? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should invite him as a GUEST not an investor.If you planned the party YOU pay for it. It is absurd to think that just becuase he maybe there he needs to pay half. The marriage may have not worked out, but showing your daughter that you are both responsible adults will leave a positive impact on her in the long run. He is her father and just like it would bother you to miss out on events on her life, he might be upset missing them too. You have to stand up and admit you married the wrong guy, but you are stuck with him and you knew that when you had a child, who cares what your friends or family say.... he is more important to your daughter than any of them are.
2006-07-28 18:59:26 · answer #2 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you, your family and your ex need to consider the needs of the child first. Why not ask the child what they want. You need to remember you are both parents and need to act like adults and put personal feelings aside (I know this is easier said than done).
You did not state anywhere that he has been violent or anything of that nature which is a good thing.
My suggestion is that everyone use this opportunity to make a great party for your child.
2006-07-28 18:20:22 · answer #3 · answered by middle aged and love it 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really is no right or wrong or over reacting. The way you feel is the way you feel and no you don't have to invite him to anything. He can celebrate her birthday with her on his time. Next year when its his turn it will be his responsbility to arrange the party with school friends or have the party at a public place like the local pool or whatever does things like that in your area. Then its not as uncomfortable as having him in your home. There is nothing wrong with keeping it separate.
2006-07-28 18:17:06 · answer #4 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your family need to put your feelings aside for the sake of your child and allow him to be at her party if that is what makes her happy. Believe me, I know there will be a lot of teeth grinding and you'll probably have to tie your hands to your body to not slap him and tape your mouth shut just to be civil with him, but it is her day, not yours. If your family does not want to be around him then celebrate her birthday separately with them, but he is still her father and has ever right to be a part of her birthday celebration. As far as splitting the cost. I don't think it would behoove him to have to split the cost, but if he does not want to participate in that part then just be the bigger person and pay for everything yourself. Why should she have to suffer because he wants to be a dead beat. Still invite him though. You may be surprised. He may help you out and the day may not be so bad after all.
Get used to it. You'll be sharing many occasions with him for the rest of your life!
2006-07-28 18:22:50 · answer #5 · answered by annabelle75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him have his own party for her. I'm sure he won't want to be at the party with you and your family anymore than you or your family is going to want him there. So why put yourselves, as well as your daugther through such an uncomfortable time? Next year, he gets to have the party with all the kids at his place, and you can do your family thing, either the weekend before or weekend after. Don't stress so much about it. Kids like having more than one party for their holidays...drags it out longer, they get use to it, and they are much more flexible than adults give them credit for, it's the adults, that aren't so flexible ;)
2006-07-28 19:13:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be for the best that your child has two birthday parties; one with mom and one with dad. That would eliminate the tension of having the ex at your home. However, I REALLY hope that you two are civil around your child; kids can pick up parental tensions very easily, and it forces them to choose sides. That can really mess a child up mentally, and if you love the child, at least be civil with each other.
2006-07-28 18:18:15 · answer #7 · answered by Judy W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should have one party and split the cost with her father. it's a special day for your daughter-put your feelings aside and let her day be memorable. and if family members can't deal with her father being there...then ask them not to come or to share or display their feelings towards him or your daughter! A time like this-your daughter is the most important! not you, the father or other family members.
2006-07-28 18:18:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Each of you can have your own party for the girls and that will also make your girls feel extra special in a world that is turned upside down for her. She will tellall her friends I get 2 birthday parties
2006-07-28 18:27:04 · answer #9 · answered by Candice S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not share parties with my ex. I would be extremely uncomfortable if he was around. My daughter is 6 and is excited that she gets 2 parties. One with me and my family and friends and one with her dad and his family.
2006-07-28 18:18:39 · answer #10 · answered by tonyagc23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋