What's the best way to tell a woman who won't stop drinking(she said so), that you want a divorce.?

Question

We have come to a definite fork in the road and she has said that she will NOT let me go peacefully and she has made it clear that she won't ever stop drinking. Yes drinking is a problem. And no, I do not drink. This is not a matter of not having the balls to tell her, this is a matter of a nearly "fatal attraction". This woman could be dangerous once I tell her. I already know that it was a mistake marrying her so I don't need to read that observation over and over in your welcomed inputs. I hope to get sincere responces.

Answer 1

I would guess that you need to take the same steps that a woman would with a violent man and no it isn't easy and it isn't simple. You can't get a restraining order until she actually does something but be ready for it, document everything and call the police so they make a report. When it comes to leaving, don't say anything at all, make all the arrangments for a place to go behind her back and then get your stuff out while she's out drinking or away for some other reason, don't have a confrontation about it at all, it won't go well and could get ugly. Then leave a note saying you are a drunk and i'm gone, you will receive divorce papers soon and if you try to contact me i WILL file for a restraining order against you.

Then you are just careful, like women in your situation are, you don't let her know where you are living and don't let anyone know that might tell her. Don't forget about having your mail forwarded, and make it clear that it is your mail you want moved not hers, straigten out any joint bank accounts before you leave and change any passwords to any other accounts you might have (online or pin numbers things like that). Make arrangements with utility companies, that you can do after you leave though. Remember that the place you find now is just for transition puposes and doesn't need to be anything you would think of staying in permanently, better to let things settle down before you establish permanent residence somewhere so that if she finds out where you are it won't be any sweat to leave. Something with a month to month lease and utilities included would be perfect.

It's not an easy answer but there just aren't any in these situations. Actually a domestic violence hotline could probably give you a lot of good advise even though its not what they typically hear. Yes it stinks that you are the one who has to lose so much and turn your life upside down because she has chosen to live hers in a bottle but its what you have to do as so many women who have been there will tell you. It could be worse though, the women usually have a couple of kids they have to drag through this whole process too. Good luck to you!

Answer 2

Well, I wouldn't tell her, just go apply for the divorce. Get some of your stuff out of the house a little at a time, and find somewhere else to live. Just don't let her know where you are. After you are out, get a restraining order on her, so she can't come near you. If she does call the police.

Answer 3

You may have to suck it up and give her an ultimatum. It may be that she has to go with you to counseling or you are leaving. I'm not sure how serious you are about the "Fatal Attraction" part. If she is really that dangerous you may need to contact the police. If it comes down to the decision of divorce make sure you contact a lawyer before doing anything. He will probably be able to help you with more legal options you may not know exist.

Answer 4

First; you need to find somewhere else to live. Second, you need to sit her down--preferably with a police officer with you--and break the news of the divorce. Third, GET A RESTRAINING ORDER!!! This is coming from the wife of an officer; too many times, jilted partners do extremely dumb things out of anger of pettiness. If you have children, make child support, counseling and custody arrangements. If you have no children in the situation, GET OUT OF IT NOW!! The fact that she is forcing you to stay is a form of emotional abuse, and it is now federal law that if it gets ugly and the police are called, SOMEONE is going to jail. Make sure it's not you. Cut your losses, and good luck.

Answer 5

File for divorce and tell your attorney that it will get ugly. You will need a restraining order filed on her and it might not be a bad idea to file a report with your local police station once she is served with the papers. Drunks can be dangerous, I know, I had a gun put to my head by my ex husband when he was drunk. I also was afraid when I filed for divorce but everything turned out fine.

Answer 6

She has to know how you feel about it even if she turns into a "mad" woman. Once you've done all you can do, helping her, AA meetings, late night talks and she doens't want to better herself but wants to do what makes herself happy and you miserable, it's not worth it. If you really want to proceed with a divorce, the best ways is to have her served and a restraining order. Maybe try a few nights away from home to allow her to think about her choices and consequences.

Answer 7

What ever gave you the idea that divorce is peaceful, or pleasent? It isn't. But, it won't get easier or less unpleasent if you procrastinate. When divorce is inevitable- do it. Waiting helps nothing. Assuming that you are correct, and she won't let it end without drama, so be it. I suggest you carry a camcorder, and perhaps a gun- IF she actually is potentially dangerous. The cops MAY help a little. Watch your back, and get started.

Answer 8

Get planning, and talk to a laywer before you do anything. Have a clear idea of what your rights and responsibilities are. Have a place to stay lined up, and important belongings out of the house.

Answer 9

You tell her you want a divorce because of her drinking and if she threatens you, call the police and get a restraining order.

Answer 10

just leave don't tell her anything get a restraining order and file the divorce or admitt her u can do that to since u married