I've been married for 12+ years and our sex life is nonexistent even though I have talked, begged, and tried everything I know how to get him interested again, he doesn't like sex. He does like porno mags and movies. I don't understand him. I have been seeing an old boyfriend for a few years, not steady but I feel like I need to end one of the relationships. Am I wrong for having the affair?
2006-07-28 10:23:00 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, having an affair is wrong, but in your case extremely understandable. I have asked similar questions on here and plenty of people have judged me harshly even though I was only thinking about an affair. I understand how you feel and realize it isn't easy to deal with a husband like yours. Leave him if you can, and don't waste time feeling guilty. He abandoned you in many ways a long time ago.
2006-07-28 10:50:59 · answer #1 · answered by DJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, in my humble opinion you are wrong to have an affair. I am not saying that you aren't justified, but an affair is never the right thing to do.
The first thing you need to do is to stop seeing the old bf and work on your marriage. You say you have talked to him about this. What was his reply? Does he care about your feelings? Is there a reason he is not interested? Has he been to a doctor to be checked out? Have you tried counseling? If you have already tried these suggestions, you may have reached an impasse.
You may have a decision to make about the situation. Is this marriage worth staying? Are you happier with the old bf? If you are ready to leave the marriage be sure to get the advice of a lawyer before you do anything.
Who knows? Maybe the old bf will want you back. Maybe he only wants someone to take care of his needs. There are no guarantees in life. Think everything through very carefully. Please try to see what the problem is with the husband before you split.
2006-07-28 17:47:29 · answer #2 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the reason why your husband doesn't have anything to do with you has nothing to do with you. It is the movie's and porn. Once a person is involved in this as well as masturbating , they tend to prefer this over the real thing. It has become a habit. As far as the affair goes, if you love your husband you should try to conquer this habit together, counseling etc, or divorce and then establish a relationship with the old boyfriend. And remember, the grass might look greener on the other side, but it still needs to be mowed.
2006-07-28 17:31:40 · answer #3 · answered by nak 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're unhappy with your sex life, you really have only two options: get another man or get a vibrator.
Sex is a basic human need so your desire for sexual gratification is probably not going to go away and the longer you stay unfulfilled the more unhappy you'll become. Eventually, there'll be a tipping point and your unhappiness will outweigh your loyalty to the marriage. In fact, since you're seeing an old flame, you might have already reached that point.
If you've really done all you can to stimulate his interest, you might as well leave because the situation is only going to get worse .
2006-07-30 16:04:56 · answer #4 · answered by magic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand this problem, I was married for 14 years, my wife hated sex, it got so bad we divorced, I still think it is not a good thing to have sex outside of marriage but then I am now a retired person. I have had had relationships since our divorce and it has been great. I would say that you really have to be sure of what you want. BUT DO NT HAVE AN AFFAIR UNTIL YOU HAVE ENDED YOUR MARRIAGE. It is much better for you then you wont have the baggage of guilt
2006-07-28 17:54:20 · answer #5 · answered by Kelaiah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong. If a man marries you then he's saying that he's going to take care of your needs in every way for the rest of your life. He's not doing that. And he's cool with looking at porno mags but not at you?! Hell no! He's just tired of the same woman honestly. I know it hurts, but it isn't you, it's him. Sounds like a jerk.
2006-07-28 17:31:59 · answer #6 · answered by ecspressa 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like the doors of communication in your marriage are closed and locked. The questions are: Can they be reopened? Do you want to re-open them? Does he want to re-open them.
If you truly want to remain loyal and faithful to him and you want him to become romantically inclined with you, then you need to have a serious heart-to-heart with him and find out why he is not feeling romantic towards you. You need to find out if he is willing to work to get the magic back.
It might involve visits to marriage counselors and sex therapists. He might believe that he is impotent and be ashamed to admit it or seek treatment. He might not enjoy certain aspects of making love to you but he does not want to sound petty and hurt you.
Throw the doors of honest, caring communication wide open and discuss any and all issues that are important to you. Set the ground rules that your discussions will be open and honest. Set the ground rules which require each of you to be respectful and caring towards each other as you discuss these issues. There might be some hurt feelings, try not to offend when you state your cases. Sometimes the allegations made might be painfully true and other times they are misinterpretations. When you can talk openly about them and clear the air, you will know which areas really need to be addressed and then you can determine the best way to fix each issue.
I wish you both all the best!
2006-07-28 17:43:08 · answer #7 · answered by mgctouch 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's wrong. As long as you remain married, it's wrong. End the marriage, AND end the relationship with your lover. He is a louse. I know that, because he's sleeping with a married person. THAT makes him a louse. Just a thought- Did you try harder in your marriage before you began sleeping with the old boyfriend? Face it, your marriage ended when you acted on feelings for another man. You are living in a legal fiction. It's dead- bury the poor marriage.
2006-07-29 14:43:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably won't find the answer here. I'm sure many self righteous people will give you their opinions, but only you can decide. I do know what you mean though, I'm in the same boat only in reverse. Conversely, my wife seeks no sexual pleasure anywhere at all, ever. She's a sex camel! Personally I'm a passionate romantic, so I know how frustrated you are. Sux, don't it? Good luck to you, I hope you find happiness.
2006-07-28 17:30:56 · answer #9 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's done with you and you're done with him. I have no proof but I can almost guarantee it's not that he doesn't like sex, he just doesn't like sex with you. He's probably already polishing the bishop in somebody elses church. Sounds like your ready to sow somebody elses seed in your crop as well. Now I know marriage is not about just about sex, but if he is no longer willing travel down to pink town, you need to get yours and end your marriage. If you want to stay married (for some retarded reason) don't sleep with him and welcome to the convent sister.
2006-07-28 17:38:38 · answer #10 · answered by peardietz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋