In a Loveless marriage.. ..what should I do?

Question

My husband of 5 yrs pays no attention to me. he seems to think that everything is fine in our marriage I love him but I feel like i'm not in love with him i knows he loves me but i don't think he's in love with me either we have 4 kids together and everything is fine when it comes to the kids we do the family thing he helps around the house pays some of the bills. but the one thing he does not do is cater to me like i would like him to. I've talkin to him seraval times about how i feel but then he goes back to his normal routine..when i'm out late he doesn't question me or be concern where my whereabout when i'm on the phone he doesn't care how long i converstate...he takes long bath at night when me and him could have those quality time together my question is how can i get him to start paying a little more attention to me...I'm finding myself more involed with this other guy i've been chatting w/ for 2yrs now we met once now its turning into something more serious..what should i do

Answer 1

First, don't cheat on your husband. Your marriage will not get better if you do that. Secondly, every marriage has ruts. No marriage is filled only with happy times. I have four kids, too and it is very easy to get lost in the day to day grind. Try some marriage counseling. You were very in love with your husband at one time...you just need some time together and the counseling will help you remember why you were in love with him in the first place.

Answer 2

You guys probably need some serious alone time, just the two of you away from responsibilities of the kids, work and other commitments for say about a weekend. That way you both can have it out and not avoid the issue. You need confrontation both of you and time alone. I'm thinking you guys don't get that with four kids in the house. Seriously instead of waiting for the man to invite to his bath why not invite yourself. Make the move. You might be surprised at the reaction. Also getting involved with someone is only going to add more chaos to your life. You should finalise things with your husband and see where things stand once and for all and then decide if you want to move on. Looking for attention elsewhere is only asking for unneccessary hurt and trouble.

Answer 3

STOP the chatting, flirting, etc. You chose to get married and have 4 kids. You have made prior commitments and it is wrong to run off away from your responsibilities with some guy who has probably given you nothing but lies for the last 2 years over the internet. Your husband is probably too tired from working all day to 'cater' to your needs. You need to stop the Oprah fantasy which is 'what about me?', 'what do I get from it?'. I think you should pay more attention to your husband and children instead of being online chatting. Who is taking care of your husband and children while you have been chatting with this loser from who knows where?

I think you need counseling at the least and a kick in the pants at the most to get you out of dream world and back into reality.

Answer 4

It's hard to keep a secret like another guy... even if it's nothing serious. DROP HIM! You're husband should be the one and only man you are concerned with. If talking to him doesn't help, do something to grab his attention. Follow the basic rules of cute new lingerie, something kinda sexy. Bring fun into your relationship. Next time he's taking a long bath and you wanna spend time with him... JUMP IN THERE WITH HIM!!! It'll surprise him so much, he'll have no choice, but to WANT to spend the time with you. Normally I'm not a "stay together for the kids" type person... but in this case, it seems neccesary. Stay together for yourself. You love him. He loves you. What you guys need to do is fall back in love with each other.

Answer 5

Try to be more persistent. It is useless to hope that he will tell you to spot talking on the phone too much. It is up to you to decide whether you should stop doing so. Start showing how actively you are involved in the relationship by initiating a conversation with your husband. Ask him questions instead. I really cannot promise that this will help a lot, but do your best to save your marriage before deciding that divorce is the only option. Marriage counseling can help you a lot. It is best for your kids too.

Answer 6

I don't think it's a loveless marriage, it is definitely one worth saving before it can turn into that. If he is helping you and your doing the family things together that means that he does care. Maybe you should try putting the spark back into your relationship, it will take both of you to do so. There are alot of factors involved in trying to save your marriage, counseling is a good place to start you have a person who isn't on anybodies side and you both can vent to the other want your wanting in your marriage, maybe he is missing something as well but being a guy he doesn't share his feelings like us women often do.

Answer 7

Instead of dealing with your marital problems & making it work, you're about to cheat & risk destroying your whole family. Wrong! And when it happens you're convinced it's not your fault, it's your husbands.

Marriage isn't a storybook life. It's not all flowers and sunshine like TV wants us to think. It's not going to be all night long sex, flowers, and romance especially with 4 kids to care for. Be realistic!

You might benefit from a marriage counselor. There are obvioisly some communication issues in your marriage

Whatever you do don't divorce or cheat on this otherwise good man/father. Think of the kids.

Answer 8

How about adding some spice to your relationship, try something new. Go on a trip, just the two of you even if it's for the weekend. If all else fails then gurl you've done your part and it's time for you to be taken care of. Go out have fun and find someone who will value you, but don't cheat on him, wait until you decide what your gonna do. If you get involve with someone else while married it'll only make you look dirty and there is no excuse for that.

Answer 9

I would suggest that both of you go to counseling before you walk away. You seem to be good friends, but that love between the two of you may have gone into hiding for some reasons. Go to counseling, find out more about each other and the real reasons for the deterioration of the relationship, then make a decision. Meanwhile, leave the other guy alone.

Answer 10

You're on a dangerous road and you need to stop before a catastrophe occurs. Remind yourself that you have four kids and even though you are not being emotionally fed by your husband, you still have a huge obligation and responsibility to your kids.
As for your relationship. yes it is important for each of you to maintain your bond, and it sounds like you each engage in the "have tos" and not too much on the "want tos."
It sounds like you have already made a decision (of sorts) to get your emotional needs met with an online romance, and this is unfair to your husband, your family, and even to yourself. What do you think will survive if you decide to go further in this regard? What furtive relationship can survive in the wake of deceit? Do you think it is more important that you get your needs met above everyone else in your family?
Counseling needs to be pursued with commitment in mind, and you and your husband would be better served if you could admit that the problem of your relationship has gotten so chronic for you that your mind (if not your body) has "strayed." You may find your husband is more capable of understanding (as well as accepting some responsibility for this crisis) than you give him credit for.
You have much to gain by doing this, and much to lose if you continue on the current path. I hope for you renewed conciliation, passion and romance with your husband. Best wishes~