I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Help?

Question

My husband never lets me leave the house or gives me any money. It's been like this for 4 years now and I don't know how much more I could take. All I ever do is cater to him and my families needs, and I'm going to go crazy. I do have a car, but it's basically permanetly parked b/c I need new brakes and my alternator went out. When I ask him to go somewhere he says I'm wasteing his gas he need for work. I don't hardly go out with friends, as I only really have 1 good friend and she does have a life. I just don't know if I can take always being home anymore. I swear I haven't seen the outside world in about 2 weeks. My own husband wont take me anywhere if he has **** to do. He'll just leave me and our daughter(that I'm always home with) at home. Theres no talking to him about this b/c he'll just ignore me. He doesn't care, and I have no where to go so leaving isn't an option. What the hell should I do before I really go insane?

My husband at one time was put in jail for battery and sat there for a month, I know he'd never hit me again cause I'll kill him(I do have a gun, and license for it, which he doesn't know)! It seems he just don't give a **** about me in general or my car would be fixed by now. It's been sitting there for 3 months now.

I'm 38 wks pregnant too, so leaving isn't an option. ANd finding a job, impossible for a few months.

Answer 1

It sounds like you are unhappy and your husband is ignoring your needs. Tell him that things need to change or its over. If you are still unhappy, maybe its time to through in the towel. Being locked up is now that you signed up for when you said, "i do".

Answer 2

Just put your foot down and start taking responsiblity for your own life. He doesn't own you.

Step 1 is call a tow truck and have the car fixed. Tell him you need money for food & "expenses" and use that for the repair.

Step 2 is to take responsibility for some of the family income so you're not so trapped by this passive-agressive control freak. Find a P/T job when the kid is in school. Or start babysitting other people's kids for money. HIDE most of that money. You don't need to answer to him, and one day you may need it... this is part of feelign trapped.

Step 3 is getting help. Start seeing a counselor & work through these issues. Why are you with a man who controls you? Why do you let it happen? How can you improve the relationship? Perhaps he can come with you to a few visits.

Bottom line-- stop asking for his permission or waiting for his help/approval/blessing money. This is YOUR life!

Good luck!

Answer 3

beatr with this until you give birth. Soon after try to enroll the help of your family to help you move. You can also go to a woman's shelter with your kids while you get back on you feet. You can get a job at night when your husband is at home to take care of the kids so you can use the car and ear some money, so you can fix your car and get back on your feet.

I'm sorry to hear what is happening to you, but there is no magic wand that is goinfg to make everything go right. Whatever that you have to do in order to fix this situation is going to include work, sacrificem, research and will power. You have to do this on your own for your sake and the sake of your kids. Noone will fix this for you and he will never change or see the light.

Be strong and do what you know you have to do, because if you don't no one will do it for you.

Good luck

Answer 4

Get a job, your husband can't complain about having extra income (if you are worried that he'll take your money, just don't tell him how much you make or at least not the absolute truth about it). It gets you out of the house, gives you your own money and you lose that sense of being trapped, plus you can put your own gas in the car and gain independence and gather the money to leave if you want to.

You have to put your foot down honey, you say he just ignores you, well thats because if he does you'll let it drop. Don't do that anymore. You need to stand up for yourself and tell him you are miserable. Let him know that you'll be going out or he'll be spending his gas money on child support and alimony. He isn't taking your concerns seriously because he doesn't think he has to. A job of your own would fix everything for you, so tell him to get out there and fix the car because you have to get to work! The fact is that you teach people how to treat you, he has learned that you can voice concerns to him and he can just ignore you. You have allowed him to trap you here so now he feels so safe and comfortable that you have no choice but to put up with him that he no longer has to worry about whether you are happy or not. Its only going to get worse until you do something to change it. I know its hard but stick up for yourself. Face it he's not going to magically become the husband you thought you were getting, so unless you do something to change it things will never change. Good luck!

Answer 5

You do have options, one of which is called a Transistion House. Leave because this is usually the beginning of abusive behaviour. Someday it'll happen, maybe not tomorrow but someday. Call your friend, family, or just leave with your child. No one should have to right to make you cater to his every whim and then keep you like a prisoner.

YOU deserve more and it is time you started thinking about yourself. Stop worrying, and just get out today while you still have some sanity left!! Go now! And stop waiting.

Answer 6

This is abuse. Pack up all your important stuff , birth certificates, social security cards, etc., in secret and hide them in a place that's easy to get to do should you need to leave in a hurry. Maybe at a trusted neighbor's or something? If he doesn't beat you or your child yet, he will. This man is controlling. He is insecure, although it's possible that most people would not be able to tell. He probably belittles you too and makes you feel like your feelings or opinions are irrelevant. The best thing you could do is to leave him and never go back. Please search for all the info you can find about abusers and how to leave one. Even if he changes for awhile, he will eventually go back to being this way. Maybe even worse. I know. Please trust me on this and listen to my advice. I know it might be hard because you probably love him. But eventually you are going to hate him with every fiber of your being, and then you are going to be so depressed you don't care about anything not even more. You may possibly only mentally be 'there' enough to take care of your daughter. It's not worth it. She deserves a better life than she is going to get, and so do you. The sooner you get out, the more heartache you're going to save yourself. I hate telling you this because nobody wants to hear it, but I care enough to not want you to have to live this way. Don't let him know, or anyone else, in case they slip up and get you in trouble. Good luck, and be very careful.



Ok, I just read the part about being 38 weeks pregnant. Would your mother help you, or do you have any relatives at all that would? I know people will not like the fact that I'm advising this, but you could probably get on welfare until you are able to get on your feet again. Also, before you leave, call a lawyer on the phone. Most will talk to you on the phone a few minutes for free, or tell you who you could call. They will be able to better advise you than some of us could. I talked to one recently who advised me to get a woman lawyer, because she will do things for you if you have children that most men wouldn't think about.

Answer 7

I feel sorry for you ..what I advise you to do is get a job or not start taking some courses and train for a good paying job take it online or go to school start having an income and if you feel that your not happy with your husband then you are able to afford to get out but i advice to do this with the time you have right now and start doing something for yourself especially whatever makes you and your daughter happy i have to admit i was kinda in the same situation and with the car to lol well good luck..

Answer 8

Prison is no place for a partner. There is a place for all people to be and the place for a partner is taking care of business that has been decided by the both of you. I cannot see my partner as being captive in a home designed for both of us to enjoy. We both have lives that we need to care for and maintenance. That would require that both of us have the ability to go out into public and be able to function as parents and partners whether together or individually. The first thing you might ask yourself is are you his partner or his prisoner. There are laws against imprisonment and he cannot keep you in this fashion. The fact that he ignores you is not substantial enough to take your freedoms as a person even in light of your daughter. A partner will discuss things and work with you in life sharing the things not dictating to you where you will be or what you will do. The choice is yours as to what you want and who you are. Talking to him is not the answer. The answer is all about you taking your life and doing with it as you see fit not what he dictates. Raising your daughter is something that should be shared and shared lovingly by both of you and it sounds like he has given that all to you. If you are going to do it by yourself then you should be able to make the decision of where you live and the environment you would like to live in. Leaving is the only option but it is a decision that you will have to make. Finding a place to go is the first step and there are agencies and help organizations that will assist you in the relocation. Take your life out of your husbands pockets and live your life with your little girl. If you do not show her different from what she sees in your relationship what will she accept in real life. She will be just like her mother. It will not matter what you say she will be like you with your attitudes and a defeatest attitude is not the one a child should have. Sometimes we have to fight for what we have and want and that includes getting away from a controlling spouse or partner. My first wife was that way and still is. It is coming to a head again and the potential of me changing where I live is eminent. I am soon leaving this environment again and I am unsure where I am going but it does not matter. I have been places before and there is a partner and place in this world for me that is not controlling.. I have faith that you will make the right decisions for you. I know it is scary but it will work out and you will be suprised at how many people will respect what you are doing. I for one will stand and applaud for the mere act of standing up and telling controlling people, "No F***ing More". Good luck to you and your daughter. Keep you in my prayers. Luv.

Answer 9

You are not alone. My friend has five kids and was in a situation similar to yours a few years ago. Where is she now? She has a job and is taking care of her children. She left that controlling jerk, she got some help at a local shelter and now has a place that she can call her home. You can do it. Find a local shelter.

Answer 10

You should call your local Police department, if they won't help check the yellow pages or go online and find the closetst woman's shelter, call them and take your daughter with you and get away. The shelter will give you housing until you can get on your feet. You may want to move to a different area also, get a restraining order also.

Answer 11

If you ever get any money at all, try saving all of that you can. Save it up for enough time to get enough to get away from him. I've had to do this before. I know its wrong to steal other peoples money, but its wrong to steal someones like too..i used to just take a little here and there out of the guys wallet when he was sleeping. That might sound bad but when your boyfriend greets you with a punch to the face instead of a kiss, its fair.