I have recently got married, my family, friends and job are here in England but my husband has his life abroad. He wants me to move there. What should i do? Can anyone think of a comprmise, if so please let me know. Thanx. :-(
2006-07-28 09:00:33 · 20 answers · asked by adikau_247 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
At the time we got married it was obvious that he will move here, but he decided to change his mind after we got married. I'm working as a teaching assistant in primary school and also doing a teaching degree part-time, it would be difficult to continue overseas.
2006-07-28 09:10:59 · update #1
It really does depend on what is most important to you. I can totally understand why it would be hard to give up your degree half way through, especially with it being the sort that you can't really continue.
It's very unfair of your husband to not tell you this before, but it's done now. You just have to make up your mind what would make you most happy. It is a big thing that he's asking of you, so really do just follow your heart.
2006-07-28 10:41:56 · answer #1 · answered by pomme_blanche_2004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i left the uk 2 years ago to follow my partner for his job. we initially agreed that it would be only for 6 months and then take it from there. if i'd have hated it, at least i could say i'd given it a go. as it turns out, it's me that doesn't want to go home. my friends and family visit regularly and i get back home very often too. the world has become a very small place and the experience of moving overseas can greatly enrich your life - my 3yr old is now bi-lingual and thats the biggest gift i could have given him
depending on where you move to, it's entirely possible to keep up your teaching career in british overseas schools. there are fantastic ex-pat networks out there and it's amazing how many how many new friends you make if you put in a little effort......the biggest piece of advice i'd give you is to go with a positive attitude or the whole thing is domed to failure before you start!!
2006-07-28 09:19:16 · answer #2 · answered by emma a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok so your husband changed his mind after you got married. (or maybe he had his mind made up from before??? just didn't tell you?)
First, question is what country are we talking about?
Someone else said "you can always come back to the UK", now that's a pile of BS if I ever saw one.
You may or may not be able to come back depending on what country you're going to. If we're talking about a democratic country where women have equal rights then there's probably not much to worry about. If we're talking about any of the muslim countries, I would say stay put in the UK because once you go to some of those countries you become a NOBODY.... and it is very possible to lose all your rights and not be able to return to your country.
Why is he not willing to live in the UK since that's what you agreed on before marriage? excuse me, but what kind of marriage is that, living in 2 separate countries?
Anyway.
If your husband is a muslim from a muslim country, do yourself a favor and read this book: "Not without my daughter"
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0312925883/sr=1-1/qid=1154118667/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-9039498-2022567?ie=UTF8&s=books
another link about women in muslim countries
http://frontpagemag.com/Articles/ReadArticle.asp?ID=20568
2006-07-28 09:35:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is surely something you should have discussed before you married?
From your question I can only assume that when you married you thought you were both going to remain in the UK.
Why does your husband now want to return to his own country? Does he have a job in that country? Will you be able to find work in that country.
The fact that this was not all sorted before the wedding leads me to suspect that there are already serious communication problems between the two of you. There may even be trust issues as it would seem that your husband lied about his intentions of returning to his country.
If this is the case you need to think long and hard before agreeing to give up your life in this country, particularly as you appear to have as much to lose, if not more, by leaving as your partner has by staying.
Compromise is always possible. but one of you is going to have to give up more than the other (unless you have sufficient wealth to be able to maintain two homes in both countries and spend 6 months in each - as one of your concerns is giving up your job this seems unlikely).
Others have replied indicating that of course you should go with your husband, but why should you be the one to make the sacrifice? Surely your partner should equally be prepared to make the sacrifice and remain in this country, particularly as they did not bring this up earlier.
In the end only you can decide what is more important to you.
2006-07-28 09:05:17 · answer #4 · answered by John H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, your marriage will suffer if you don't make this concession. But, that's part of being married. Sometimes you have to make hard decisions for the sake of the relationship.
And remember, you CAN make new friends and start a new career overseas.
I used to be in the U.S. Navy, and I'll never forget the sacrifices my wife made for me in picking up and moving every time the Navy sent me somewhere. If he loves you, he'll also always remember that sacrifice.
2006-07-28 09:06:18 · answer #5 · answered by Privratnik 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you really love this guy and are completely happy then you have to go and be with him, otherwise your only get yourself in a rut and never be able to have a good marriage if all you do is flit back and forth to see each other, and with you doing that set him a compromise that if you have family over here in the uk, that youd exspect him to come over with you and visit for example or anything else you really want to do and would like him to be there.in that way your know if hes really commited to you and your know your doing the right thing by giving up the uk to be with him.
hope this helps
2006-07-28 09:15:28 · answer #6 · answered by jennycamuk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want Children? If you had a career it would stop for children even if it was only for a short period. Your husband is there to support you and if you trusted him enough to marry then trust his judgement regarding this issue.
You became ONE not your family or friends.
2006-07-28 09:34:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't really want to go otherwise you wouldn't have asked this question. Talk to your hubby you and him are the only ones in the world who can sort this out perhaps he can come up with a compromise as he probably doesn't want to be parted from you
2006-07-28 10:58:10 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all if ur havin doubts its not a gud sign.
why shud u jus up & leav all of a sudden.to me it seems a bit funny that he waited till ye were married to decide this.i think he had it planned all along & taught youd feel more obligated to go if ye were married.
wa country is it?because wa if its one of these countrys where u cant take ur child out of it,if ye hav any.
by the sounds of it its his way our no way because if u felt u could open open to him u obviously wudnt be asking ere.
i say dont do anything ur not happy with.xxx
2006-07-29 01:36:41 · answer #9 · answered by SHELL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is more important to you? Your husband or your job? You can always find a job , i did, i have been away from my family for two years now and i hope we can go back to germany soon as i miss my family.
2006-07-28 23:04:12 · answer #10 · answered by Andrea S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋