This man has become obsessed with me. We have been friends for only three weeks, but he is constantly pushing for more, no matter how strongly I indicate that I am not interested. He is caring and nice but persistent, and he often pushes my boundaries. He did research on the web to find out information about me. He also found out the names and addresses of my parents and former in-laws, through reading information about them on the web. He can be aggressive when he wants something. I like talking to him, as a friend, but I have a funny feeling about him and want to take whatever measures I need to, to hide my future contact information from him. The web is the resource he would use to find it.
2006-07-28 08:53:54 · 56 answers · asked by missanchor 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
There are anti stalking laws in effect now. I would take to the police and see what they say. Its sounds like to me this guy is a big freak you should have him arrested for stalking you. He doesn't sound sane at all. He could turn violent.
2006-07-28 08:55:43 · answer #1 · answered by Christopher Robin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone told you to go to the police, but often they won't take it seriously unless he has seriously threatened you or even tried to harm you.
Don't get a home phone and don't put in a change of address at the post office. Notify all the places directly from where you regularly receive mail. Change your address to have all your mail go to your parents house. Then, there really isn't any way he would be able to look up your address. Addresses are usually found on the web by phone number, or by some other information that you have given to somebody at some time. So don't give anyone your address!
If this guy continues to persist, make sure you tell him he's crossing boundaries, otherwise he might just not know. If he still keeps it up, keep bothering the police until they listen. The squeaky wheel gets the oil!
2006-07-28 09:00:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd call the local police department where you live and let them know what has been going on. They cannot really do anything at this point, but the more you document the better you are at getting a restraining order. Most people who do these kinds of things are doing them to get a reaction out of you and obviously it worked (I'd freak out too) Honestly, do your best to ignore him and all that he does. Hide you new number, or better yet.... put things in other people's names for a while... But start with the police let them know what's going on (stalking is against the law in most states by the way) and ask them what they think you should do. I'm really sorry you're going through this. Good luck!
2006-07-28 08:57:49 · answer #3 · answered by Jason 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anywhere you move and register to get a telephone, electricty, water, etc... he can find you. Get a roommate and let that person get everything in their name. Anytime someone checks your credit or does a background check on you for employment or renting - it will record you current information (i.e., address).
For starters you can start avoiding his phone calls and running into him. Change your cell phone number. If he finds you or reaches you - tell him you don't appreciate him finding out all this personal information and personally you find it invasive - that you think that its best that you are no longer friends and to stay away from you.
If he persists file stalking charges and get a restraining order.
Or the other options: You can move out of the country, get a roommate and let her get all lease/utilites in her name, legally change your name - of course if he suspects this court records will have this information, and if you do move collect your income under the table - so he can't track you down when you file taxes.
I would opt for the top answer - he shouldn't make you move out of your area.
2006-07-28 09:01:00 · answer #4 · answered by totalstressor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's what I did. When I moved all my bills were put into my middle name and another last name. Of course, I was married but went with my maiden name with my middle name. That was over 10 years ago and he has yet to find me. If that's impossible for you to do the same thing, take his picture and all your information, go to police and write a full report including all talks, times, places, etc. that he bothers you and then put a restraining order on him. If that doesn't work, buy a dog that is known to protect their owner. You'll feel much safer (by the way, that's something I also did. lol).
2006-07-28 08:58:29 · answer #5 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, first thing I'd do, with other peeps around, is to tell him to leave you alone. Then go and get a protection order, but u need to tell em you r in fear for your safety or u won't get one, and in it you need to include the phrase for him to stay away from "family and friends" also or else he can still harass them for info .
This guy sounds really creepy and the more u talk to him the more he thinks your leading him on. Cut him off, tell him u r not interested, stay away from him, and when you move a name change might help but is still public record, so might be useless.
When u do move, don't send mail directly to your parents, since he might watch for the mail and get your address. Send it through a mutual friend or a mailing service.
Call a battered womens shelter and they can give you many more tips, even though you aren't physically being beaten they will help you.
Good Luck, watch your back, and get away from him. Don't even say hi to him.
2006-07-28 11:39:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has serious control issues. Get an unlisted phone or a phone in someone else's name. Get a PO Box and have all your mail delivered there. Do not give out your new address to old neighbors you can't trust. Can he find you at work?
Clearly tell him he is to never talk to you or your family again. Have your attorney send him a letter and cc: the Sherriff's dept. Keep a log book of every contact.
2006-07-28 08:59:36 · answer #7 · answered by Tony T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell anyone, except those you trust with your life, where you are moving to. You could change your name, if you are in the UK you can change your surname without having to deal with a lawyer, you simply notify tax office, National Insurance, banks etc that you have changed your name, however your christian name has to be changed by deed poll. I don't know the American law on this.
This man sounds very scary and is technically stalking you, seek help and information what to do from the police.
I hope you haven't told him taht you are moving.
2006-07-28 09:01:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sugest getting a restraining order, changing all your phone numbers and cutting off any contact with him. If he makes you uncomfortable and is aggressive and can't take a hint then whats the point in having contact with him at all. You don't know when he will just push it to far and hurt you, or stalk you...or God only knows what!!!
I'd take it seriously!
2006-07-28 08:57:58 · answer #9 · answered by itsjustme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think you are being stalked, you are better off dealing
with it as a stalking than running away - because you'll be
running away for the rest of your life.
If you're about to move ONLY because of this guy, then
I think you are making a mistake. I think you need to actually
tell him how you feel and make sure that he knows that other
people know that this is going on.
Don't be afraid to at least CONSULT the police - and if necessary,
get a restraining order.
You are not the criminal. Don't treat yourself like one.
2006-07-28 08:58:52 · answer #10 · answered by Elana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋