What should I do.....My husband.....?

Question

My sex drive has been non-existant maybe due to a medication I am taking or some reason. But my husband is Not having that! If he doesnt get sex, he has this attitude against me and we wont get along even if I try. He keeps trying to make me feel guilty for not giving him some anyway. I used to do it anyway but it just made things worse because I felt forced since I wasnt really into it. So I tried some stimulants and so forth and nothing works! I hate for this to come in between us. He keeps threateneng that he needs to "get IT from SOMEwhere...I really dont like for him to "go out" because we have two kids and he's in the army, so I prefer him to be with his family when he can.
What would you do if your husband made you feel inadequate because you couldn't give him his way?

Answer 1

find a way to meet his legitimate needs. if not, let him get a mistress.

Answer 2

I can tell you that you should NEVER force yourself. He will end up repulsing you, and it feels almost like prostitution would feel. It might be your medication; this is serious enough to get your doctor to change it now. If not, the outcome is inevitable. Men (and many many women) do need sex. It's not fair to either of you to be with each other when it's so out of balance. His threats sound like my ex's, and I was not 'frigid', I was stressed out and overtired, and then just got turned off. The less I wanted to be near him, the more he drank, and the more he drank, the less I wanted to be near him... . Our marriage ended after 15 yrs. together and 13 married. I'm fine with my partner, but I thought I was "broken" and NO doctor or counselor seemed to be able to help me. Try something new with your Dr., and if that doesn't work, try letting go. And as for staying until the kids are in college, well, life is too damn short; they will resent you and figure it out, and that's never a reason to stay and be unhappy. Ever.

Answer 3

If the shoe were on the other foot (your man not giving it to you for whatever reason), what would you do? And, don't say that "well, I would understand and let him be." That's not realistic. Men (and women who are physically and emotionally capable) need sex to maintain. Unless they are nuns and priests (well, not priests these days), then a regularly active sexual being needs sex.

You guys will need to come to the conclusion of what needs to be done. He understandably needs sex...one of the MAIN reasons men marry is so they can have sex all the time. (That may or may not be entirely true...lol) But, seriously, if you can't give it to him, and he clearly wants it, then you guys have a decision to make.

If you want to keep him faithful, then you need to see a doctor about correcting your problem. If you want to keep him and don't care or don't choose to correct your problem, be prepared to have an open marriage or get a divorce. There's no way to make this work by "making" him accept abstinence.

Answer 4

First, before you went on the meds, did you have a sex drive that was able to satisfy your husband? If so, then you need to talk to your doctor. There may be a comprable med that doesn't have the same side effects.

While you're trying to sort it out, tell your husband to chill out. He's not going to die if he doesn't get it and it doesn't mean he has to go out and find it somewhere else. You are trying everything you can think of to find/get your sex drive back. In all of this, tell your husband to stop being such a weenie and try to be a little more supportive of you.

Answer 5

That may have been my ex wife's problem. She did not explain anything medical going on with her. She was just did not want me to touch her and wanted her space. She said she could not explain why she felt that way. She distanced herself from me and our family of four kids. We had been married for twenty years. When my oldest son left for college, I believe she fell apart. Her baby was gone, what was she going to do. She still had me and our three other children. She stayed at work longer hours and on the weekends, to get away. She ended up with her boss after she left me, the next week. She received a really nice leather coat from her boss, which I questioned, because she did not accept the diamond ring I got her the same Christmas, before she left. Communication is the only way to save your marriage. Let him know what is going on. It is something beyond your control and let him know about your medications, as he may understand after researching your medications. My ex's medications stated that the family was to be consulted and the family was to let the doctor know if her mental state of mind changes. Well, we, the family, were not informed of this information, and, our family was changed because of misinformation. My kids and mself will suffer with not being a family together again. That is why I say, talk with your husband and let him know what is going on with your relationship and your medications. Good Luck!

Answer 6

That's a tough one! But it may help to write him a letter, letting him know how much you care, etc, etc coz a conversation could sometimes lead to stupid arguments they'll resolve nothing, then it might do you well to get medical advice also; all in an effort to show him you are concerned and that you are working on getting back to a normal relationship, keep the notes going with the intention of driving both of you towards professional counseling.

Answer 7

Sounds crazy but I still think you need to be submissive to your husband,and your needs are not his needs so you need to meet in the middle somewhere,maybe try some creams or something to help you get into the mood. Open up with him and let him know that he's hurting your feelings the way hes acting and maybe he'll be more aware of a different approach towards you that might help you get the loving feeling back

Answer 8

Its not right for him to try and manipulate you with threats, but to some degree, he's right. Guys need sex in a marriage the way you need romance. Its just natural.

You should talk to your doctor about this. If that doesn't work, consider giving him a set schedule for "meeting his needs." I know its not comfortable, but its also not comfortable for him to do without. At least if you make an agreement, you'll both have some peace. No matter what, just remember it IS your choice, but both of you will always need to sacrifice and compromise throughout your entire marriage, if you want to succeed.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Talk to your doctor. If your medication is causing you to have now sex drive he may be able to solve that problem. A healthy sex life is good for your marriage. For you and your husband. It is something your marriage needs. Also your husband should not threaten to cheat on you no matter what. You may need to look into marriage counseling if you want your marriage to last.

Answer 10

I can understand how it makes you feel because I have been there. My sex drive was non-existent (with my husband anyway)(I did fine on my own). He would make me feel guilty so, at first I would make myself have sex with him. After a while it literally made me nauseous. I finally decided that it was not right for me to have to have sex with him when I did not want to. Well, I will say, that was very selfish of me to an extent. Me, not wanting sex was my problem and he was being punished for it.
Is it fair to either party??? NO! But, how is fair to make him go without for weeks on end just because my hormones or emotions are out of wack. It is human nature to need and want sex. That is normal. It is not normal for someone my age to not want to have sex with her husband.
I say go to the doctor and tell them to do something. Play a mind game with yourself if you have to. Tell yourself that your are excited sexually and you do want it. That helped me sometimes believe it or not. If I ever gave in to my feeling of disgust it would just make things worse.
You can not expect your husband to never get any sex and be ok with that. Put yourself in his shoes, how would it make you feel if he always turned you down or you had to pretty much beg for it. Your self-esteem would be shot!
I am not saying that it is ok for him to treat you bad!!!!! but, understand his needs too! Good Luck!

Answer 11

sex is important for marriage, most men do say that when they don't get sex from their partners, it's not a threaten they'll really start finding other way to get sex, stop taking the medication try alternative method, if you have to take medication & if i was you and if i really wanted him with me i would give him good sex & show interest towards him or accept the fact and let him separate go his own way!!