My husband and I are trying to work things out after he had an ongoing affair. He says that he never loved her, never had feelings for her and was often annoyed by her. I was wondering what everyone thinks about his feelings?
They met in Iraq and he says that he doesn't know why he ever started things with her. When I found out about it the first time, he tried to break things off with her, but she convinced him otherwise. Since then, he has tried telling her it's over numerous times, but it never seemed to end until now. He left her and came home
Now, he has been home for 2 weeks and things are pretty good. He hasn't called the other woman but I don't know if he ever told her things were over. I know they haven't spoken on the phone and he hasn't emailed her.
I'm not so sure about the girl though. I saw missed calls on his cell phone, which I carry now. So, I think she is still trying to contact him.
What do you think will happen? How does he feel about her
2006-07-28 08:10:00 · 10 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This affair didn't end when they left Iraq. They have both been in the states for 9 months and it's been going on ever since. He just now ended things with her. He was with her for a few days, then left her without warning and came home to me. They haven't spoken since he came home this time.
2006-07-28 09:30:21 · update #1
I wouldn't guarantee that it's over. But, it might be if she gets too desperate acting. You should let him take those calls, and maybe he'd be turned off. He started something with someone else and you say it was ongoing. Chances are, he is lying about it not meaning anything. He'd have slept with her and dumped her if that was the case. He is going to do everything he can to downplay it, of course, or else why would you take him back? It's not true that men don't fall in love with their mistresses (and end up leaving their wives and marrying them like BOTH my really wonderful uncles did). It is true that people fall out of love with one person and in love with another, and then sometimes panic because they're not sure what the safest relationship is. But safe can become dull once again, and off he goes. I'd have left him if I were you. Good luck.
2006-07-28 08:17:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a soldier who is in Iraq, and was there for a year before, let me tell you. It's another world here, and your husband is now home with you. This is not to justify what he did, but when you're in Iraq, it seriously feels like the outside world does not exist, and the only real things are the ones immediately around you. When faced with death *other's or our own possible death* the first instinct is to create life, i.e. have sex. I can say with about 90% surety that your husband may have had feelings for her while they were in Iraq, but he came home to you, and wanted to stay with you. Not many relationships survived the year long deployments, so take solace in the fact that yours is still working, and don't worry about the other woman. Your husband loves you, and you guys have enough to worry about re-building your relationship. Good luck! :)
2006-07-28 15:53:26 · answer #2 · answered by holleygirl11 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you should never trust him again. Especially if he travels for work.
He clearly never had any intention of "leaving her" while he was still over there. It sounds like he used his return to the states as his only reason for the break-up. If he goes overseas again, he'll just find another mistress.
A truly repentant man will NOT continue cheating after he's been caught. He has no self control, so he'll do it again.
2006-07-28 15:20:15 · answer #3 · answered by Privratnik 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least you and him are working on your relationship together and working things out. As far as how he felt or feels about it is clear that he had to have some kind of feelings for the woman. He didn't just cheat on you with her it seems as though what they had was a bit more than that.
2006-07-28 15:17:34 · answer #4 · answered by China B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it is hard, but really think about this. What kind of relationship is it if you have to check his phone, email, etc. It isn't suppose to be that way. You should never even want to check it. There are always ways around it though, he could set up anither email you don't know about, call her from work. You cant watch him 24/7
2006-07-28 15:26:07 · answer #5 · answered by Mygirlsmom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all how can you say that she convinced him not to break it off with her if he really wanted to break it off he would have second if she annoyed him so bad why was he with her in the first place and third you carry his cell for what to make sure they not communicating your so nieive smarten up of course he has feelings for her and who's to say that its over just like you didn't know from the beginning you'll never know
2006-07-28 15:23:32 · answer #6 · answered by lkp27 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i don't know her personally but it sounds to me it was just a fling away from home and hes back to reality but what hes going to mess around every time he goes away that's no excuse and it sounds like your blaming her it takes two and god knows what he told or promised her i hope for your sake he used protection.
2006-07-28 15:19:13 · answer #7 · answered by nicole l 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he came home, doesn't that mean anything to you? try and give him another chance. and if it doesn't work, next time you go in Iraq.
2006-07-28 15:15:57 · answer #8 · answered by ♫Pavic♫ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he prolly thought it was good at the time, but prolly realizes what he risked now....I did that once, and now I know what I have and would never give up.
2006-07-28 15:14:29 · answer #9 · answered by kbjcw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hope you dont have a pet rabbit!!!
2006-07-28 15:14:26 · answer #10 · answered by jnok12356789 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋