just curious to see some of how others think, especially the men. my husband "so truly loves me", but he makes me feel so bad about myself as a person, he only hurts me, and then he cheats, says he's sorry......it was a mistake and he didn't do it on purpose?!?!?!?!
2006-07-28 08:05:06 · 20 answers · asked by Arianne 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are weak moments in everyone's life.
Looking at the answers here there seems to be a consensus in asking you to walk out of your relationship. i do not agree because i see that you love him and also accept that he loves you. You can't behead a person on his first error. i agree that he should not have cheated you. It was a big mistake. I don't support him but i would suggest that you follow the suggestion given below. My thoughts are given below:
Oh he ill treats you? Normally it does not happen if there is true love between you. Has something happened between you in the past which you forgot or failed to notice? He must be trying to get even with you and is hurting you on purpose. Sometimes these things happen becoz he feels neglected by you. The root cause lies elsewhere and is manifest like this much later.
Your husband " truly loves you" but hurts you when he seeks revenge for some perceived injustice done to him. You may not have done anything wrong but he feels wronged. He is saying it in a manner that you cannot fail to notice.
hmm.... you can still remedy the situation by asking why he is doing it to you. He may blurt out what is on his mind. Let him vent his spleen. Stay calm and listen. You can easily judge if he was truly hurt. If you feel that his feelings of hurt are genuine then say "SORRY" and ask him to forgive you even if you were not guilty. If he truly loves you his heart will melt definitely. The idea is to set right your relationship NOT to judge who is right or wrong.
Similarly when he says "SORRY" accept him and forgive him. Tell him firmly that this is the last time you will forgive and if he repeats his mistake then it will be all over between you both. Be true to your word. To err is human and to forgive is divine. Where is the divine spark in you?
2006-07-28 08:25:16 · answer #1 · answered by StraightDrive 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through a similar situation and haven't left yet. I am thinking about finally doing it. If a man even talks to another woman in that way or even cheats they truly don't love you. They might be obsessed with what you have, but he don't truly love you or he wouldn't ever want to hurt you. Dont take it, if he did it once he will do it again. I know it is easier said than done
2006-07-28 08:19:44 · answer #2 · answered by Mygirlsmom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love someone you will not knowingly hurt them in any way.
I am sorry to say, but if your husband truly loved you he would certainly never make you feel bad as a person, or make you feel bad about yourself, and forget the cheating part for now. I acknowledge that in a moment of anger all humans are capable of terribly hurting someone they love, certainly verbally, and it is best to work to learn, and to master, how to rechannel our anger so we do not hurt those we love. We may fail at times along the road to learning, but as long as we try, and those who love us see we are trying, they will be patient.
But if you are being made to feel bad about yourself routinely, for no reason, with no attempt at correction, then that is not love by any definition I know it. and again, leave cheating aside and that should be the least of your concerns. How you feel about yourself is tantamount, and how he can treat you like that, and you accept it, should really be the question.
Cheating is just another way he is making you feel bad, and you should really self examine yourself why you are allowing yourself to stay in the position you are, and he will continue mistreating and hurting you as long as you put up with it. You have to put limits, demark, pull your own strings, stand up for yourself before you are eroded away into feeling so miserable about yourself that your whole rest of your life will be affected.
And don't listen to his lies and excuses. 'He didn't do it on purpose', Ha!
2006-07-28 08:19:04 · answer #3 · answered by Amber B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately.....and most "Christians" will disagree with me here.....It is simply human nature. You can love someone and never have sex right???.....So why can't you have sex with someone and not love them??? You can!!! It happens all of the time.
Your husband might love you, but have sexual feelings for someone else....Notice I said sexual feelings not love.
I love my husband and would not want to hurt him but, (not that I have acted on this) I have sexual desires and feeling about other people. I am sure he does too. It would be easy for me, giving the right situation, to cheat on my husband. The difference is I do not put myself in those situations and obviously your husband did.
As betrayed as you feel, (and you definitely have reason) your husband can love you even though he has had sex with someone else.
Now, saying that, if he continues to put himself in these situations, then you might want to consider the fact that he is not strong enough to fight these desires and probably never will.
2006-07-28 08:57:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im afraid Im entirely too qualified to answer this:
I can comfort you with this - Love has almost nothing to do with it. Im very sure he does love you and its clear you love him too.
Yes, of course, he did it on purpose and there is no excuse - dont regard my words as ANY excuse - they arent.
If YOU were having affairs, I promise you it would cut huge holes in him. Youre right....... we're wrong.
People like to think there can be only one "significant" other and thats a romantic notion I love but, I myself, have been in love with no less than three women at the same time.
At other times I have been in Love with one and attracted to as many as three others. REALLY attracted. The attraction for the one I Loved WAS NOT lessened or diminshed. I just wanted others too - not INSTEAD OF - in addition to my wife.
I shouldnt have but the pull is always so strong.
Forgive us.........but dont stay with him hon..... you DO deserve a faithful man. Just not like us.
2006-07-28 08:31:45 · answer #5 · answered by Alexander Shannon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE DIDNT DO IT ON PURPOSE???......BULL PUCKEY!!!! no one forced him to have sex with someone else. this marriage sounds terible. why does he make you feel so bad and treat you so horrible? you might ask yourself that. THOSE ARE TWO BIG SIGNS OF AN ABUSER!! (red flags) because he is weak, it makes him feel better about himself to belittle you and cheat. if he did "truly love you", you would be his queen. thats how we do it. at least thats how i do it. but what do i know my wife cheated on me too:(. she was the light in my eye and the queen of the castle. we are all adults and know right from wrong. if you stay in this situation, you will continue to beat yourself up and be vocally abused by him. if you stay, get counseling both of you. if he really loves you, he wouldnt have cheated.
2006-07-30 01:43:16 · answer #6 · answered by welder0964 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The simple answer is this.... Women, and some men, equate love with sex. If you love her, you couldn't possibly want sex with someone else. However, since many men separate sex and love, it can happen that a man that loves one woman can have sex with another without feeling he doesn't love the first woman. The moralists and bible thumpers may have much to disagree with on this but welcome to the real world of men and women
2006-07-28 08:13:11 · answer #7 · answered by westcrush 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone who has an extramarital affair is no longer in love with their spouse. Believe it or not, many affairs are not just based on sex, but on love, companionship, and attraction. He can't possibly love you, but he seems to want to own you so he tells you he does...that way he's hoping you won't also have an affair. Leave him as soon as you can and never look back.
2006-07-28 08:12:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well-- to be honest-- I have been married for 20 years to the same guy and I would do ANYTHING in this world for him -- but if your needs (or his) are not met to your desire -- you will find a way (or somebody) who will help you with this problem. That is not saying that it is right or wrong, just human natural.
2006-07-28 08:18:33 · answer #9 · answered by laura k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some mistake he knows what he doing if you truly love someone you would not hurt them
2006-07-28 08:12:08 · answer #10 · answered by annemarie o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋