I have been dealing with a liar (husband) for several years and I am through with it all. (See my previous posts) I have found a house to rent near my job. Right now I am living at home with him for a couple more days until the other house is ready. Do I tell him now that I have found another house or wait until the day I am moving? He knows that I intend to leave but I don't think he believes I will actually go through with it. I have a lot of packing to do so I can't really "sneak" out. Plus, we have a 3 year old son together so I am going to have to let him know where we are going. I am so nervous about the packing situation as I have a LOT of stuff to move. I never thought I would ever have to do this. Any advice would be helpful on how to handle this transition. Be gentle, please, this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Thanks!
2006-07-28 07:23:10 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have already told him that you are moving, so no - you don't have to update him daily on your search for a new home. I would pack up your things, and on the day you plan to leave, ensure you have at least one other person with you to assist you and be a witness. The situation is likely to come to a head when he realizes you are really leaving. I would also consult an attorney in the meantime while you are waiting. The attorney will tell you what you need to do as far as telling him where you are going to be taking your son. I am of the opinion your husband does not need to know where you are living, however he does need to have access to his son on a regular basis. That is something you can work out with a mediator who can hear both sides and provide a sensical solution. In the meantime, give him your phone number, provide him with adequate times at a neutral location to visit his son.
Good luck, and stay firm. If you have gone this far, then I am sure you have your reasons. Stay consistent with your plan. Do not be antagonistic, and do not be argumentative - the time to resolve relationship issues has past. Now is the time to find an ammicable dissolution to the relationship.
2006-07-28 07:31:24 · answer #1 · answered by Christopher B 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I know this must be amazingly difficult-I commend you for not letting him continue to get away with this in your home anymore.
Is there ANYONE you trust who could take care of your child for the weekend? You are likely to cry, and go through a lot of emotions that are normal but scary to a little one.
No, I don't think you need to tell him..it's all over but the moving. It doesn't matter if he doesn't believe you, he's the one who can't tell the truth.
I LOVE the idea another had about having your friends come and doing it all at once, take what's most important and if he wants the priviledge of speaking to you again, he will give you the rest later.
Hurt is part of it, and you are both going to feel pain no matter what...go with the band-aid removal and get it done, if you are going. Make sure you get your phone line connected or cable so you have everyone's support when you need it. If your child is going somewhere for the weekend grab yourself a little bottle of wine and try to relax after your done unpacking.
Remember, this is FOR your child as well as you, I know it must feel like you are doing something to him, but if you can just have a weekend to fall apart on your own I have a feeling a month from now you are going to feel so much better!
2006-07-28 08:54:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations! You are doing the right thing for you, and in the long run it is the right thing for your son. Difficult situation. How do you think the spouse will react? Do you think he may do something dangerous? Yes, he needs to know and you need to pack, but would telling him too soon cause him to take your son? Would he harm either of you? Make sure you have someone with you as you pack and move. Get friends from work to "guard" you all the time. You will feel safer and they will make sure you keep going and finish the move. We were able to pack and move and entire house of furniture, clothes, dishes, toys, pets, and odds & ends for my daughter when she had one day to get out. There were four of us all together and we got the whole thing done in one day. I don't know if she has found everything yet, but it was all moved. You can do it with enough help. Good Luck. You will be thankful later.
2006-07-28 07:32:37 · answer #3 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a bunch of friends to help you. If you are not alone, there is little he can do to stop you. Or, wait until he is at work, then have your friends all help you. The packing job might not be perfect, but with enough manpower, you can pack a lot really fast. Find a friend with a trailer that can haul all of your stuff at once. Eight hours is actually a pretty long time.
But, if worse comes to worse, pack only those things most important to you, and forget the rest. Possessions are only objects and are replaceable, but peace of mind is priceless.
2006-07-28 07:29:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, big step. Well, if you want time to pack, I guess tell him, ask him if he could stay at a friends while you do. Otherwise he may follow you around the whole time you are trying to pack, bitchin in your ear. (I have been there) I hope you have family your son can go to while you do this too, this is really hard, but I lived with a liar too, and he lied about the most stupid things. once a liar always a liar has been my experience and no one needs to live with that. I wish you luck. Maybe have a friend there, or family there incase he freaks out, cuz he sure may!
2006-07-28 07:33:12 · answer #5 · answered by cutiepie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I commend you on leaving. Nothing is more important than your(and your son's) sanity.
First, sit down with him and be blunt and honest. If he starts to get irrate, walk away from him. He needs to know you are serious. I know it's hard, but you cannot change your mind(or tell him you are not leaving) when you are.
Second, tell him as soon as possible. You said you have a lot to pack. It will be easier to start packing if you tell him right away.
Finally, please don't forget the cops. If he becomes violent and/or starts breaking stuff(people get really mad when reality hits them in the face), call 9-1-1. Don't put your life in danger for a couple of dishes.
Hope everything works out. You will be in my prayers.
2006-07-28 07:30:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-26 21:01:46 · answer #7 · answered by mcclish 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If family and friends are around, ask them to help you move. If not, just tell him you're going and move things yourself. If he tries crap with you, call the cops on him and let him know you're going and the best thing he can do is to accept it. You'll be alright once you get settled into your own place. Nobody likes the job of moving but the job must get done.
2006-07-28 07:33:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the important stuff. Move and then tell him and then get the rest of your stuff with some friend or the police. Just in case. You do not need any problems. Good Luck!!!!!!!!
2006-07-28 07:31:26 · answer #9 · answered by bucks110 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A child is involved, so you NEED to tell him about your plans. You can't just up and take his kid away from him with no notice - that is cruel.
You don't give the impression he is violent or anything, and most people's advice seems geared towards that. Just talk and let him know your plans.
2006-07-28 07:51:47 · answer #10 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋