What to do do with my lying Husband?

Question

Married 5 yrs, 3yo daughter, 6 yo son (His) We have an awful situation with his son's mom. First she always wanted to get w him he would lead her to think he would for his son. He did whatever he could to see his son. Everytime I would catch him lying he would promise it wouldn't happenn again. I have left a couple of times.He always lies about things she says about me and vice versa so we won't talk.Well the other day she told me he was calling all the time and won't leave her alone.So I told her to prove it.She called him 3way and I heard it ALL.How he loves her, wants to be w her, he will leave me if she says they can be together,everything.Then he tells me when I confront him he just does that so we can see his son(we don't have custody papers). But I don't believe him,I think he just wants both because he has kids w both of us. This is someone we will always have to deal with so she is not going away. I want to leave then I think about our daughter. Please give me input

He tells me he has no interest in her, they were never married it was a one night fling. But 5 years and still dealing with it is wearing me out. I believe him when he tells me it won't happen again. HE is a con. Reality hit when I heard it with my own ears instead of he said she said I could be in denial then. Why is it so hard and a contiplating decision when I know I would tell my friends he isn't worth it?

Answer 1

Leave. it's not worth it. Even if you stay you will always think that he wants to be with her and youwill be unhappy. Leave and find someone who will love you, and treat you how you should be treated. Besides you can always share visitation with him for your daughter's sake.

Answer 2

Oh my gosh girly let me tell u a little story of mine and u decide from there.First of all once a liar always a liar.It will not stop so please dont think it will.I was with a man for 17 years because of my 3 boys.He drank,cheated, never was home always had controll of everything, i was scared to leave i met him in high school when i was15 and he was the only man i had been with.Finally 7 years ago i got up enough balls to leave.My kids were older and i wish i had done it years before.They stayed with him because he brained washed them that i was the bad guy.Now they are 21, 20, and 18 guess where they live WITH ME.He wont change ever get out NOW!!!! Its hard at first but you need to be strong and have faith in yourself.Dont use your child as a reason to stay hes not worth it and you deserve better

Answer 3

When it comes to a relationship that contains children, you have to put them first. You have to do what is best for your daughter, if the situation is an unhealthy one for her then by all means you should leave.

I don't believe this other woman is as innocent as what she is appearing to be or she would have put a stop to it long before now. She likes having him on a string and probably has her own reasons for wanting to hurt both of you. Many women have a hard time of letting go.

First things first. Get custody papers. Nothing will hold up in court or otherwise without them. They will gaurantee your husband rights that he doesn't believe he has.

You have to find out the truth of who is really playing the games your husband or his ex. Then take whatever precautions you need to for your daughter's sake, because she is the one who will carry the emotional baggage around for the rest of her life after both of you have moved on with yours.

Answer 4

Have you both tried to sincerely work these problems out? If so and nothing has changed then it would be best to end the relationship. I know that's hard to hear and even harder to do. I understand the excuse of "staying together for the children" but I feel that is actually worse for them in the long run. Instead of seeing a strong mom who does what's right and respects herself enough not to endure such bad and hopeless situation she sees and hears her mom and dad fighting all of the time. The tension this creates isn't good for any of you. If you want your little girl to grow up with a realistic idea of what a healthy and loving relationship is then you need to take control of your life now. Take care and my thoughts are with you.

Answer 5

Tell him to prove it. Go to court and get visitation rights. Then he doesn't have to call her to see his son. I am afaird that you are right- he is using you both. He's using his son to get next to her, and using you as a part-time wife. I can tell you love this man, but honey, sometimes love ain't enough to make it work, especially if he is playing games. There is no reason at all that he has to tell the mother of his son that he loves her, and wants them to be together. He has rights to see his son, he may have to go to court, but he does have rights. You should have to listen to lies from your husband. You deserve a man who is true to you, and doesn't lie to you. If he truly loves you, all of you him, the son's mother, and you could sit down at figure out a arrangement for visitation if you don't want to or have the money for a lawyer. You have a every reason to be upset, because again you are right you will always have to deal with this people, so if your marriage is going to work, you are going to have to find a solution now. Five years is a very long time to be dealing with this. He ought to be down on his knees saying thank you for putting up with me. None of this is going to to easy, whether you stay or leave. But don't make the mistake to stay for your daughter's sakes. He not being fair to either of his children either. What kind of an example is he setting for them. So, take care of yourself and your daughter first! I will be praying for all you to find a peaceful solution that is a benefit for everyone. Remember you and your daughter first! Make Momma happy, then you will be able to make your precious daughter happy! God bless you all...........

Answer 6

Hello, if there a brain in there. And I honestly do not mean this in a mean way. It is obvious that you love him and want to be w/ him. But it sounds to me like you are making excuses for him. You either need to go to marriage counseling or divorce this guy and find a man this will take his wedding vows seriously. It is hard when you have a children to go through a divorce. And it will be very hard to get over this man. But you can do it and will be happy you did once you recover. He doesn't deserve you, you heard him tell his ex he loves her and wants to be w/ her and will leave you. You heard it straight from his own mouth. You are lucky to have heard him say this. It isn't just hearsay it was straight from his own mouth. Do yourself a favor and beat him at his own game, leave him first and you know what maybe he will go back to his ex but I doubt he's going to be truely happy w/ her. And he'll probably come crawling back to you saying what a mistake he made. But DO NOT take him back. Tell him he made his bed and now he has to lay in it. Good luck to you and please be strong and do this for yourself. You do deserve much better.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, you have to leave. That situation is not healthy for you or your daughter. Your inability to trust him has been confirmed when you heard the phone conversation. If she wanted him so bad she wouldn't have told you to listen. Which means, there is no problem with being able to see his son? He wants both. I would never tell my daughters mom anything like that, because I don't want to cause feelings to come back that are not there.

Answer 8

How is your daughter benefitting by living in a home where her parents are not getting along well? She may be only 3, but kids are VERY perceptive...using them to stay with someone is an excuse not to leave...the kids would be better off with the parents separate (and hopefully happier) than together and fighting or not providing a warm/happy/fun environment...

Move on...what are you wasting your life for? Don't settle...ever...this life is too short to be with someone and not be happy...better to be alone than that...

Answer 9

Sounds like someone is manipluating, but which party I wouldn't know. Defnately get some counseling going. Then if that doesn't help or get him to stop with the x, then start looking to split.

He also needs to have some sort of legal arraignment for rights to see his son. Sounds like he is a good dad, just lost in the "paperwork".

Answer 10

If you stay for your daughter, in the long run matters will only get worse and as she gets older it will put a strain on your whole family, especially if there is no love in the relationship and as long as you are married the other baby mama will always be an interference. To be honest he wants to have his cake and eat it to. Just don't stay for your daughter.

Answer 11

My mom always said, "Let sleeping dogs lay where they are". Meaning, you already know what type of man he is, but don't know what to do if you disturb the situation. If he's paying any type of child support he can legally see his kid if she wants him to or not (even if the papers are not there). Then if he's not paying child support maybe he needs too, so him having to lie to her, like he says (yeah right), will stop. I'm a man if I want to see my kids I'd see them, but if I'm still looking for benefits after seeing them is the only reason I'd have to lie about anything.