please read my fundrasing letter and give me suggestion?

Question

Hi:
This is my first time writing a fundraising letter. Please read my letter. If I am saying something I shouldnt say in the letter, please let me know; or if you have any suggestion to make the letter smoother or better, please let me know.

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Subject: Thanksgiving Dinner Fundraising.

Congratulations! This is YOUR LUCKY DAY because you are being given the opportunity to save a good sum of money on your tax bill while at the same time helping some people who are in very serious need of your help.

Each year, Buckeye Bread Basket, a nonprofit organization that has served the community for many years, will have a Thanksgiving Day dinner to serve the hungry people during the Thanksgiving Day, providing free meals to the needy people. More than 400 needy people, both single people and families, are expected to attend the dinner.

However, today's tough economic conditions make it difficult for Buckeye Bread Basket to meet those needs without help from people like you. We will have our holiday fundraising sale to raise the necessary funds, where we are planning to sell holiday greeting cards. The greeting cards come in boxes of ten with green envelopes and feature an original watercolor scene, created by a famous Ohio artist. Because we are nonprofit organization, you can file this purchase as a tax-deducible item when you are filing your tax return.

We would like to ask your help in raising money for our annual Thanksgiving Day dinner by simply purchasing these wonderful holiday greeting cards. For the price of $24.50, the money from the sale of a single box can feed a hungry family of four on Thanksgiving. Please place your orders by using the enclosed form and return envelope.
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Once again, thank you so much for reading my letter

Do you think by using THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY, people Will think this letter as a junk mail?

Answer 1

Dear ---------

I am writing this letter to inform that the Buckeye Bread
Basket is looking for your support.

Keeping in tradition we would like to assist our community this year, by assisting the homeless and families in need. The annual Thankgiving Giving dinner has provided meals for 400 people.

This year we are going to offer this program again.
Being a non-profit society, we are looking for your
support in the Christmas card offer for $24.50.

With your purchase you will recieve a tax deductable
receipt. Please note a family of four can be fed from
your generous donation.

Should you require further information please contact
____________at phone or mailing address.

Once again, thank you for your time and effort to this
worthy cause.

Yours truly,

This is just a more simiplied way you can write your letter.
Hope this helps. Good idea.

Answer 2

I think you have a good thing going, you just need to get to the point sooner and make it short and sweet, people just dont like reading too much information, and you repeat some of it a few times, maybe try this! I write fundraising letters for my son's baseball team. Good Luck!!!

This year, be a part of something special! We all love sending beautiful christmas cards for the holidays. This year you can do just that and provide much needed meals for the homeless. Buckeye Bread Basket(a non profit organization) is hosting it's Annual Thanksgiving Day dinner! More than 400 needy people are expected to attend the dinner, both families with children, and single member families. Your purchase of christmas cards which are beautifully painted by a famous Ohio artist for $24.50 will help with the cost and insure a Happy Thanksgiving for those needy people who, without you would not have a Thanksgiving at all. You in turn can write off your donation on your taxes.
Thank you in advance for your help!

Answer 3

i rewrote it check for spelling and grammar

Congratulations! This is YOUR LUCKY DAY because you are being given the opportunity to save a good sum of money on your tax bill while at the same time helping some people who are in very serious need of your help.

Each year, Buckeye Bread Basket, a nonprofit organization that has served our community for many years, holds a Thanksgiving Day dinner to serve the hungry people in our community. Providing free meals to more that 400 less fortunate community member both single people and families is not only a tradition for your neighbors at Buckeye Bread Basket but an honor as well.

However, today's tough economic conditions make it difficult for Buckeye Bread Basket to meet our community’s needs without help from people like you. We will soon be having our annual holiday fundraising sale to raise the necessary funds, where you will have an opportunity to purchase beautiful and unique holiday greeting cards to assist in our efforts. The greeting cards are available in boxes of ten, with festive green envelopes and will feature an original watercolor scene, created by (GIVE NAME), a famous Ohio artist. Because we are nonprofit organization, you can file this purchase as a tax-deducible item when you are filing your tax return.

We would like to ask your help in raising money for our annual Thanksgiving Day dinner by simply purchasing these wonderful holiday greeting cards. For the price of $24.50, the money from the sale of a single box can feed a hungry family of four on Thanksgiving. It is an honor for Buckeye Bread Basket to work with you a provide a wonderful Thanksgiving to all.
Please place your orders by using the enclosed form and return envelope.

Answer 4

It is not good man.

I work for a NP and when asking for money from your community, you shouldn't make it sound like you are a game show host.

You need to take out the entire first paragraph especially the part about the tax bill. Donors already know that and you don't need to include it as the FIRST sentence of your letter. It sounds completely unprofessional and lacks compassion for your very worthy cause.

You should have your Development Director look at it or there are many fund raising hand books to help beginners learn the ropes in all areas of development.

Please rethink this letter, as you will scare many people away from donating to your organization if you leave it in this form.