dilemma with my relationship?

Question

i have been with my guy for 5 years,we r engaged and just recently lost a baby,my problem is he is alwasy mean to me,he never has anything nice to say and is quite abusive,i dont work because he is rich and supports me financially,but this kinda makes him worse because he thinks he has complete control over me,i used to make a lot of money before i was with him,but stopped to be with him,now i am stuck feeling completely worthless,i dnt know what to do,if i leave i have to give up everything,my beaustiful home,my cars,etc etc,and have nothing,but if i stay i will be constantly abused,has anyone any ideas?x

problem is i worked as a dancer and i am now 29 i cant dance forever and i truly thought he was a keeper,just very scared

he strangled me at four months ago,but then when i fell pregnant everything was beautiful again,then i lost it only one week ago and its started already,he hesnt hit me again but the verbal abuse is awful,i live in paris with him so have no family here,kinda difficult!sorry guys,a bit complicated i know lol

you know i left my job to b with him,it was something discussed between us both,and its not just material things to me,its my whole life,you think i knew hed turn out like this,he was so sweet and loving for at least two years,then slowly changed,its difficult for me to go because i want to believe that hes not really like that and that my guy will come back,if i just be patient

Answer 1

Gurl get out of that realationship NOW!! You have no bussiness bein' in it. Someone who loves you wouldn't treat you that way. If you don't get out of the relationship now before you get married it'll be too late, because let's say you get married then realize you can't be in the realationship, he may not be willing to sign the divorce papers. NEVER EVER LOWER YOUR STANDARDS FOR ANY GUY! He is not worth your tears, your love or your presence. Yes, money is a big deal and you don't want to loose everything, but would you rather live your life misrebaly(sp?) in pain or life your life getting back on your feet and probbaly being sucsessful and happier. Look at it this way, if you drop this guy another guy will come along and sweep you off your feet, and treat you right, he may even have alot of money also, or at least a good amount, and then you'll know you made the right choice. But for now you need to break it off but make sure that your not alone in the house make sure someones there but their in like another room, because he may want to hurt you when you do this, if he is as abusive as you say he is. You'll get through this, and remember DON'T EVER LET a MAN WALK ALL OVER YOU! You take control. I'll pray for you.

~Good luck

Answer 2

Is your happiness more important than the material goods you'll give up by leaving him?

Staying in an abusive situation will cause you to eventually, if you haven't already, lose your self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

You seem to know what the best course of action is when you say "I'll be constantly abused." That's right...you will! Abusers deny what they are doing, and basically cannot change.

You deserve a relationship in which you are cherished, and honored for who and what kind of person you are. In the current one, you are not.

Please consider leaving him. There is some man out there who will love, respect, and treasure you, but if you stay in the situation you're in now, you won't have the chance to find him!!

I am so sorry you lost a baby. I did, too, many years ago. But you can have one, this time with a man who's really a decent man and treats you well.

Good luck in finding the strength to make a healthy change.

Answer 3

If you made good money and took care of yourself before, why can't you do it again? Everything happens for a reason. You are getting a glimpse in the future as to what life will be like as his wife. You don't have any ties to him and are free to leave if you want. Is money, cars and a fancy home worth your happiness? Don't feel worthless, you were somebody before you met him and you still are that person. I am sorry for the loss of your child, I can't imagine the pain. But now you are not tied to him anymore. You should move on and find someone who will treat you with honor and respect. A man that will uplift you and treat you good. It shouldn't matter if he is rich or not. Good Luck to you. Peace.

Answer 4

You just wanna stay cause of the material things. You're 29 years old. GROW UP. It seems like you would rather take the abuse because you don't want to give up the nice things by him. Well continue staying and you will soon find out how worse things will get. If he is supporting you, you are subjected to him and his control. If he is mean to you it will only get worse, and he can refuse to give you money. What would you do then??

Answer 5

you don't have to leave....just go back out and get a job and watch how fast he realizes that he does NOT have 'TOTAL CONTROL" anymore.....he'll realize that you DID NOT need him BEFORE you met him and YOU DO NOT need him now...at least once you've gotten a good job again.....if he really loves you then he'll straighten his butt up and if he doesn't then you don't deserve the abuse and which is worse having to work and being respected and treated as an equal or having nice things and being treated like a piece of property??? that's the decision YOU and ONLY YOU can make....either way...you dont' deserve that...every person has the right to be treated with respect and dignity....and i think by you getting a job he will see that you are well on your way to getting very tired of his BS and will soon be out the door if he doesn't change his attitude and FAST

Answer 6

This is only going to get worse. RUN before you feel completely helpless and lose all sense of autonomy. You only get caught up in the chaos of an abuser's life. They live for the reward of your suffering. They are weak cowards.
You'll get over it.
Check out msn groups... psychopaths and narcissists for some excellent reading.
Go to the library and read as many books as you can on verbal abuse.
Stop it before you lose yourself.
The average statistic for leaving is 7 times, but you need to leave as soon as you can. This behavior only escalates. Forget about the money, there's always more money out there and most definately NICE men out there.
Trust me on this one, it's GOING to get worse the longer you stay.
Find an abuse support group in your area, many are free and they are so helpful.
Good luck, stay safe.

Answer 7

Happiness is not about material wealth. You only have one life and you need to make it count. If you were capable of earning good money before you can do it again. You don't need to stay with someone to maintain a certain style of living, life is about so much more than that. Who knows, you may leave him, become self sufficient again, feel really proud of yourself again, then meet a lovely man who treats you the way you deserve to be treated and THEN you will have real hapiness.

Answer 8

I think you answered your own question! If he makes you feel bad, leave him. I know its probably a lot to give up but you earned a lot of money before you met him, whats to stop you earning that money again and buying your own cars etc. money isnt everything! No point in driving a nice car if you've got a face like a wet weekend.

Ditch him and find someone that appreciates you a bit more!

Answer 9

thats sad, if you are abused in your relationship, then you should get out of it, you dont want no guy thinking he is better than you just cuz he has a lil more than you. And you should never give up on your dreams or stop doing what you were doing for a guy, cuz its not alwayz a sure thing that its alwayz gon be good. i would say go stay with some close relatives and start working on yourself before you try to make it work with somebody else...you have to learn how to be by yourself before you try to have somebody with you. so just take time to get yourself together, and im sure you will be back on your feet in no time, and a good man will come along. plus its better to know that you worked hard to get where you are today...so good luck sweetie!

Answer 10

Why on earth would any woman stay with a man who is mean to her and physically abusive.Get out!! If he loved you he wouldn't hit you and belittle you.I know you may not want to hear this but it's true.I don't know anybody who has been happy because they had a nice home but thier man beat on them.Find someone who is good to you and one more thing,In the end what you have isn't nearly as important as what you are,be smart please before you get hurt so bad you can't get anywhere except in the morgue.