Your eyes seemfurthur away
But you still just as tall
And im still just as small
Through your eyes i see love decreasing day by day
You look at me,
but is it me your seeing?
Please dont let it end this way
I dont want this to end
I gave you my heart for even, not to lend
You told you where here to stay
I beleived you though
So i blame my broken heart on you only so-so
Dont even put on that play
You obviously dont still love me
Pretty plain to see
And no we wont get back together some other day
You cant touch me now
Im not yours, get on w/out me some how
Never thought ide see th day
(you asking for me back)
Haha i said no and thats a fact
Now its your turn to stumble away
As the cold hit of rejection slaps you in the face
Never thought ide see you this way
2006-07-28 06:52:35 · 6 answers · asked by Stephanie w 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
He was 6'4 and im 4'8... Thats what i mean in the beggining of the poem
2006-07-28 18:06:02 · update #1
it has no flow. you have all the feeling, but your words need to flow.
2006-07-28 06:56:26 · answer #1 · answered by Moonlight Rose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked it. I can feel the emotion.
However, I didn't like the fact that you first put yourself down and then presented yourself as strong at the end.
There seems to be a time continuum that you were attempting to present. I'd make that transition from love to hate in a less subtle way.
I liked the first part, but I'd put the words in the past tense. That was then, this is now. For example, you could present it as he saw you as small but you never thought like that.
If you are going to put him down, put him down hard. As they say, kick him to the curb, quickly.
But, hey, I can see talent there. Raw emotion will get you a long way.
If you are just ruminating to attempt to gain some closure, that's good too.
Good luck.
2006-07-28 07:05:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's OK, but you need to learn how to spell.
2006-07-28 06:56:47 · answer #3 · answered by michaelyoung_airforce 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could have hit spell check but other that that i love it
2006-07-28 06:57:19 · answer #4 · answered by doodle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what kind of poem is that????? it sounds like you were mad at this girl cuz you guys aren't together anymore...... but i still love it...
2006-07-28 06:58:49 · answer #5 · answered by cornnut 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i thought it was... ...good but next time try spell check.
2006-07-28 07:16:15 · answer #6 · answered by Courtney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋