What is wrong with me? I love him so much!?

Question

I am 21 and I have been with my bf for 5 years. I love him and have always been happy. Lately I just feel so scared and anxious. I only want to be with him but then again I feel like I need space. I do not want to lose him... I cannot stand the way I feel. I have what I have always wanted in life. We have build a life together and I cannot stand the thought of losing it. He says he will do anything to get through this. I stayed at my mom's house to try and get my head on... do you think this will work? I only want to be with him and do not want to be single. I cannot see myself with anyone else? So what his my problem? Why can I not shake this feeling? He is my life! PLEASE! If you need anymore details just ask and I will post them. Please just help me.

Blue bird,
I kind of feel that way. Yet I do not want to do anything but be with him. Commitment was never an issue... why would it be now? I am so confused.

Its not that I am scared to be single... I just do not want to be because I love him. I cannot imagine being with anyone else. Nor do I want to. I love him and am commited to making this work. So is he. I have told him how I feel and he is trying to give me the space I need... but even when I am alone taking my space I find myself missing him and wanting to see him. I feel so lost and confused.

Answer 1

Honey there's nothing wrong with needing space. Maybe you two could "Take a break" from one another and see how that makes you feel. Tell him you DONT wanna see other people and you dont want him to either, but some time apart might do some good. Also, this might just be a phase for you. You might not feel this way next week.

If you love him, you'll make it work no matter what.

Good luck hun!

Answer 2

If he is really a great guy and you want to keep your life together, then take charge of your feelings. They don't have to run your life.

Focus your attention back on your relationship and the things you love about this guy. Take a good look at your relationship and consider if you need to make some changes--maybe you need to plan in some time to yourself here and there. Ask your guy what he wants in your relationship and instead of focusing just on yourself, focus on doing some nice things for him.

Find some new interests to occupy yourself. Try something new, like a hobby or sport, or take a class in something that interests you. Think of some ways you want to become a better person and set goals in that direction.

I've seen many married friends go through some of these feelings at 3 years, 5 years, or 7 years. If you let the feelings rule, you will be alone (and you will probably regret losing this guy). If you take charge of the feelings and feed your relationship (instead of these feelings) , you will stay together and eventually the feelings will be a distant memory.

Answer 3

Maybe you're just feeling love for the first time? And you don't want anything to get in the way of that: there's nothing wrong with that. But being overly clingy is sometimes a sign of insecurity. Are there any signs that your sweetie is not wanting to be a part of your life anymore? Are you having doubts or something? Because you both should be enjoying each other. If he's with YOU after 5 years then don't be upset. He loves you! There's always a risk to loving someone. But after 5 years, I'd that you both have a pretty good trust established. Don't worry, be happy with your honey!

Answer 4

Hi, Well first of all, do not get married at this point, that would be the wrong thing to do when you are having these feelings. Something is wrong or else you wouldn't be feeling anxious and scared. Secondly you should always listen to your instincts. Something is wrong, that is why you are reacting the way you are and questioning yourself and/or your relationship and deep inside you know what it is. You just need to look at it and deal with it.

You have been with this boy for a long time and you are still very young. You were a teenager when you met him and not fully developed mentally. You can love someone and feel comfortable with someone, yet that person can not be the right person for you. As time goes on and you grow and mature, your needs and wants and love change and you learn more about yourself and who you are. Although this boy maybe a great guy, which I am sure he is, the love you felt for him at 16 is a different love at 21. You are way different now than you were at 16. One of the most important things you can do for yourself and for a relationship is to be independant and by that I mean you have to have outside interest that are just YOU and don't give them up for a relationship. Like someone mentioned above a hobbie (art, music, volunteer work, sports) and a group of friends that you get together with regularly going out or hanging out watching movies and talking. There is alot to be said for "girlfriends". They have got me through some extremely trying times.

You don't need medication as some idiot said above or counseling for anxiety attacks. You are just maturing to a different level and questioning what is right and wrong for you. Listen to yourself and be honest with yourself and your boyfriend. Its better to take care of this now than later. Sometimes the decisions we make will hurt others feelings, but we need to make them regardless. You have to be true to yourself, otherwise you are not giving of your whole self and that is not fair to your partner.

Also, true love does not bring on feelings of anxiety or make you scared, especially after being together for 5 years. Love is comfortable, secure, unconditional and you wake up everyday feeling happy, lucky, thankful and blessed to have it.

I hope this helps. T

Answer 5

Well I think you both really love each other. Have you told him how you felt about everything? Maybe you guys are getting to the point of where you guys are going to get married? maybe that it. It could just be that you need to take a little break so you can get you head cleared out and have some space. By the time the break is over you should feel better and know he is the one for you,

Answer 6

You are really trying to convince us how much you love him and that you're happy and that you don't want to lose him and that you only want to be with him.

There's much more to this story because you also say "you're scared and anxious".

You can't be too happy or you wouldn't be on YA. You guys need to take a break for a specific time period (maybe a month) and you should do some soul-searching without the stress of "losing him"

**note...the worse thing you can do at this point is get married...that would be stupid stupid stupid stupid.

Answer 7

This comes down to the basic fear of losing something you already have...just as someone would hate to loose a brand new car. You have to work directly through this fear, not around it. I do believe you love him, but in order to get through this, you MUST except the *possibility* you won't be with him and will be single. I don't think you've accepted that possibility and acceptance is the key to peace of mind. I would suggest having a talk with him only when you are calm and have thought through what you are going to say and be willing to accept what he has to say. I would need to know more, but it sounds to me that it's possible he may not be as in to you as you are to him (if he was in to you the same way, would you really be this afraid?) If that's the case, you will have to hear it from him and go from there...possibly giving him a little space to let him think things through. DO NOT have a heart-to-heart conversation in this kind of state....you won't be able to think rationally and you could scare him off. He may be willing to make a commitment, which I think is what you want, but let him have his space first.

You don't have a problem, you're just in love. :)

Answer 8

You have to double check and make sure it really is him that you love and not the life you built..it's hard to change after you have built your life around someone for so long...maybe you are having doubts about what you are doing and that is why you feel this way.....seems like you suddenly have a major insecurity issue...did something happen to make you doubt him in anyway? maybe you feel this way because you could be happier as you look around..and you are settling for less....i think you guys need to sit down and have a long talk...don't just stay with someone for fear of being alone it doesn't work too well...i've done that before and it hurts more to stay then leave...

Answer 9

Girl, you love that guy too much that you felt scared that he will leave you someday. Well, don't be scared because it will maake your life and him miserble, instead think about your futher together. If you need space to yourself, go ahead you could still have fun without him, and when you and your bf are apart you might have the feel of missing him, that may help you and your bf love each other more. I have a friend who see her bf everyday and grow tired of him , maybe some time apart will be better.

Answer 10

You probably feel that way because you are afraid of getting your heart broken!!! You guys have been going out for 5 years. What you need to do is give him a set time to pop the question...and if he doesn't then let him go. Yes it's going to be hard and yes you are going to feel horrible but there is no reason that he continue to play with your emotions and not ask you to marry him!!! Because if he doesn't ask the question in that time it will be harder on you none the less he is wasting your time and your feelings towards him!!