My brother is married with three girls 14, 10, and 6 yrs old, his wife is a wonderful mother but according to him not a wonderful wife. They will celebrate there 10th wedding anniversary in September. My brother and his family came to visit me in NYC and my brother told me him and his wife argued the whole trip in front of the kids and the oldest daughter told my brother her father that she hated him. So yesterday he told me that he was not happy and that he was not inlove with his wife anymore but he loved her because they have childeren together, and all they do is argue and he said it has been going on for years, he also told me that he was cheating on her with someone he went to high school with, I talked to him and told him that he was making a big mistake and to work things out with his wife, to go to marriage cousling. I asked him if he loved this other woman, he said he liked her alot, he just started seeing her. His kids need him, what advice can I give him?
2006-07-28 05:04:40 · 11 answers · asked by Ms Tracey Lyn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've basically given him the right advice already, as far as trying to work on it, going to counselor.... The thing is, he is commiting adultry, and is totally taking the easy way out of things, because deep down he knows that if they do proceed with a divorce, she can get him for every dime hes got!
He also needs to open the communication barrier that they seem to have between them, tell her how he feels, deep down she probably already knows, which is why fights escalate so easy, no communication!!
Cheating isnt fair to his wife OR his children, and he needs to start acting like a MAN and put things into perspective.
2006-07-28 05:11:52 · answer #1 · answered by Katz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For his kids sake they should separate. I think him and his wife have to sit and talk about this because it's obvious that neither is happy, maybe she's been wanting out for a long time and that is why she is not such a wonderful wife. Again for their kids sake they have to act like adults and once they are done talking they should both have a talk with their daughters and tell them what is going on why they are going to separate but will continue to be friends that it is neither his or her fault , but just things that happen. There is no doubt the girls are going to be hearbroken, and miserable but will deal with it a lot better than finding out that there Dad was cheating on his wife, this would really piss the older girls and would make them hate their father. I think they need to talk soon, before their 10th anniversary. I am going thru a situation very similar with my sister.I wish you the best.
XOXOXOX:)
2006-07-28 07:01:06 · answer #2 · answered by ange!s26 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advice that you can give him is to attempt marriage counseling before thinking about anything else. he owns his wife and his children the courtesy of tryimg to work things out.
Arguing infront of the kids can making them emotionally scarred, I'm assuming that they argue constantly and this only get worse because if he is seeing another woman and she suspects it, it will be a bitter, never ending battle. The children are obviously suffering because one have already said that he hates him, because children notice everything and they know that daddy is not playing fair.
Forst of all, they have to STOP arguing in fromt of the children inmediatly. He should think about the example that he is giving for the little ones, boys willlearn how to treat women from him, girls will learn that they have to take the verbal abuse. Neither option is a healthy one. Please, advice him that if it's necesary to arhue, to do it when the children are not present.
Second. They both need to go to marriage counselling. This will improve their communication skills and give them the tools to better solve and settle problems wiithout the constant arguing.
Third. If he wants his marriage to work out, then he has to stop the cheating. Yes, perhaps the other woman is all fun and nice, but being a mother of three and being married for 10 years is no picnic. If he continues seing the other woman then he will exagerate his wife's flaws. Neither of them are happy, he is not happy because he wants to be with somebody else, she is not happy because he has emmotionally pull away from the relationship. Your brother will use the constant arguing as an excuse for cheating, but he needs to know that if they argue is because he is cheating, and women are not stupid, perhaps she suspects it.
Please advise your brother in a non-judgamental manner.
Good luck
2006-07-28 05:16:17 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, It sounds like they have tryed to work it out for years and it is just getting worse. Although he should have never started seeing another woman while he was married (it is disrespectful and it can cause him trouble in divorce court) it sounds like their marriage is over. Staying because of the kids is never the solution, it only causes more stress on everybody (mostly because of the arguing)
The best thing you can tell him is to dump the girlfriend, seperate and file for a divorce, and always pay his child support and be there for his children.
You do not have to live with your children to be a number one father.
2006-07-28 05:26:06 · answer #4 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They need to seperate. Having two parents that love their kids does not mean they have to be together. My best friends parents stayed together for them and months after they moved out, they divorced. Watching your parents fight is not good. They are old enough to understand most of whats going on. Especially the two older children. They should not work it out especially if he is already cheating. They need to be good parents first. If they cant be good parents living together and being married then they shouldnt!
2006-07-28 05:17:13 · answer #5 · answered by taz4x4512 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u have already done and told him what to do , so i would leave him alone and let him just learn from his mistaken , but i think counseling would help a little but if he don;'t wnat to do that then u can't make him , maybe one day he will grow up and start act like a father and a husband and not like a two year ols kid
2006-07-28 05:18:06 · answer #6 · answered by angel h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not advise him. He wants to bend your ear only. No matter what you say, he's going to do what he wants. Just be there for him and never say, "I told you so." The only person that can really help him sort this out is himself and needs to decide on his own what he's going to do about it.
2006-07-28 05:20:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think they should separate. All that fighting and negative energy is bad for the kids, worse than the split. Just my opinion.
Counseling can help but it won't solve the problem, just educate the couple so they don't end up hating each other..
2006-07-28 05:09:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have given him the right advise, but unfortunately marrige counceling will only help them realize that they have more to worry about than themselves. thier kids really need them more than the relationship needs them.
2006-07-28 05:28:07 · answer #9 · answered by woody 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just looked at your 360 and you are hot
2006-07-28 05:12:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋