How do I talk to my gf about getting into swinging?

Question

My gf and I have been dating for 3 yrs. We're compatible in almost every way -- similar friends, interests, etc., but different enough not to get bored. We have a great sex life, full of experimentation: new positions, toys, roleplay, dress-up, and even some light D/s (she's the domme). We see this as a long-term relationship and will get married.

We're both 25. f we get married, that's fifty-plus years (hopefully!) of being together and I feel like we're running out of new sexual things already. I want to get into swinging so we can keep meeting new people (swingers) and trying new things. I'm also turned on by the idea of her with another man; this is not about me getting with another woman

The thing is this: she has a traditional view of relationships: just one-on-one. I want to bring up swinging but don't want to scare or threaten her, lead her to think she's inadequate, or completely turn her off to the idea forever.

So: how to do I bring this up/talk to her?

Answer 1

Exactly how you explained it here. But be warned that it takes 2 VERY strong people to be happy in the swinging lifestyle. If she is open to it, discuss it, decide on hard boundries and never cross them. Be honest with her, let her know exactly why you are thinking this. In short, let her read your post.

Answer 2

There are several different suggestions that we can recomend for you to bring up to her. Here are a few ideas that you could run past her:

First, ask her about being watched. It would still be just you and her having intercourse, but having someone else watching would add another dimention to your sex. Also, if it is another couple, that would make it even more erotic and exciting.

Like was mentioned before, watch a movie with a MMF sequence in it. Ask her how she would feel about being a domme for two men.

Also, watch a movie with just a F/F scene in it. Then see if she is interested in just her and another woman doing things. The more she is with women, the more open she might be to letting another man join in. (This is how we got involved in swinging).

As you search for women who may be interested, there may be other submissive women out there who are looking for dom women. So if you really want to play up the Dom/Sub thing, that could be a way to go.

But, overall, you have to be honest with her. Tell her that in the long run, you're interested in becoming a swinger. She may not be interested immediatly, but you'd like to try doing some things to add spice that involve others, like the vouyerism and exhibitionism. As she feels more comfortable, you'll be able to express the interest in doing more. See how she feels. Once you get to a point where problems start occuring, stop and that will probably be as far as you two should go.

Hope this helped. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.

Answer 3

So, what's next, then what, then what? When does it stop?
You might better leave your fantasies in your head, not in your bedroom. The marriage bedroom is sacred, just for two. My ex-husband (notice I said ex) wanted to do what you suggest. It turned me completely off that he would want to do such a thing.
For me, and many traditional women like me, great sex starts with the little things- a succession of caresses during the day, a whisper, even him doing kind things for me. Does it really have to get that complicated, as you suggest? Do what you want together, but adding others will most likely ruin the relationship.

Answer 4

If you watch porn together get a MMF threesome disc and while watching it ask if she's ever fantasized about having a threesome. If she's at all interested you'll know. The issue then is gauging how interested she'd be in making it more than just a fantasy. If she's game your on your way.