stuck between two cultures...help?

Question

i'm an asian living in a non-asian country. I've lived here for almost 2 years. During my 20th birthday, my mates were telling me to get my @rse off my parents house and get my own flat, as i am already too old to live with them. In our culture, however, it is perfectly ok to stay and live with your family until you are already capable to support yourself. With that in mind, i decided to stay, but i told my mum that i'm gonna pay rent, and she was like "are you crazy??? you're still young, and studying and...." I don't know which to follow. I think that by this time I should be living by myself, and giving my parents a break, but my parents have their own beliefs and are guided by our culture and principles, which i also respect. which should i follow? I NEED YOUR HELP.

Answer 1

Wow tough choice.
Try to find some middle ground. Maybe paying rent is too much for your parents.Try paying for groceries or the cable. Maybe help with auto insurance.
When I moved out, I got a roommate to help with expenses. I ate at my family's house and they were still taking care of me. I moved out when I was 18. But nobody should pressure you to do that. If your friends take that as a weakness (I'm sorry to say that I did) then explain it too them. If they don't get it then oh well. It won't kill them.
BTW living on your own is a valuable experience. And I advise doing it. But it is not my place to tell you how to live. It's not your friend's place to either. Explain this to your parents too. Their wise counsel should not be ignored.

Answer 2

Many people suffer from cross-cultural shocks and it really is up to you to decide what suits you the most. If you have completely switched over to foreign beliefs then I suppose you should try to make your parents understand that you would rather have your own flat becuase that makes you feel more independent. I am an asian and I am living in my country but just as soon as I become 20 I want to seperate from my family and go abroad for higher education. I know my parents especially my father would have a severe blow if I stick to my decision but then hey, life is a short time and we can't come back and live it again, right? it doesn't mean I don't respect my culture or love my parents any less, its just that the other culture seems to hold an advantage for me and my parents should do their best to understand that I am not a child anymore and that I should start making my own decisions. I am dragging up my own experience (or rather future plans) so that you understand my opinion. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

The two cultures are not mutually exclusive. Now that you're an adult, you must decide what you are and what you wish to represent. The fact that you had no issues living with your parents until your friends objected indicates that you are comfortable with that and as long as that is the case, you should do so.... if you're truly comfortable with it. In many Asian cultures, parents also have much more influence over their adult children than do western parents, and with this often comes a sense of obligation; is this going to be a problem or is it OK with you? How do your parents feel? Have you discussed it with them? Paying rent may make them feel as if they're unable to provide adequately for you, but buying groceries or gifts from time to time will likely be appreciated.

Feel it out for yourself? Find your priorities and follow them, rather than those of your friends who likely envy your close relationship with your parents.

Answer 4

I am Asian too and the truth is, that's the way it goes in our culture. Your friends probably find it odd for a grown man to live with his parents because in most cultures, as soon as you are around 20, whether male or female, you are out on your own. Your parents find nothing strange about it because that's the way Indians and Pakistanis have been doing it for centuries. And generally, "brown" parents don't expect their children to pay rent. Just do whatever makes you and your family comfortable, don't let what your friends say make you feel bad. They're culture is different from yours, and most Asian houses, it is seen as an insult if you leave your parents house before marriage.

Answer 5

Keep living with your family. It's way more common that you think. You mates are probably just jealous that they have to pay rent because they don't get along well enough with their parents to stay there. I had to leave because I couldn't get along with my parents and ended up taking a lot longer to get through school because I didn't have the money. Concentrate on your studies, finish school and then worry about what you want. I know it's common for married males to live with their parents, but you may or you may not want that. It probably most depends on if you marry a first generation immigrant (from your home country or you new country) or if you marry someone who is from your new country (regardless of their ethnicity). Not many women in my country would live with their inlaws although I did for only 6 months, and it was a rough 6 months. I'm now in my own home with my husband and very happy.

Answer 6

Don't let anyone pressure you to make a decision. Do what is best for you, what you want to do and what will make you happiest. If your parents don't mind you staying with them, that is great. If they don't want you to pay rent, even better, you can save it for when you get a flat of your own. But if you feel the need to break away and be free, then do it. Either way, you will be fine.

Answer 7

Ignore your friends. It's pretty common for people here to live with their parents; Both my uncles do, and so did my speech therapist. It's cheaper and more covenient, especially if you're still studying. But as soon as you marry, you may want to move out and get your own place. :)
If your mom doesn't want or need the rent money, then don't worry about it. Don't let your friends decide where you should live; you do what works out best for you.

Answer 8

Stay with your parents as long as you can! I moved out of my parents' house at 18 and moved 3 stated away....it is TOUGH! Wait until you have a REALLY well paying, stable job! Don't worry about what your friends say, your just playing it smart. My boyfriend is 23 and still lives at home, doesn't pay rent....he is very responsible and his parents still want him there...they want him to save his money for his own house. Your parents just want to help you...take it and be grateful :o)

Answer 9

I think you are old enough to make ur own decisions. but on the other hand, i think if you respect your parents and honor them, you should listen to them after all you still are their child . you can still stay with them bcoz they don't have long in life left and i think wen they are gone you will be grateful that you spent extratime with them then is wen you can go out look for your own apartment

Answer 10

Why listen to them? I mean we have our own culture and they need to respect your culture as you do theirs (do they even have one? >.o)

i'm sorry but as an asian myself It appaulled me to see western people actually made their kids to pay rent in their own home or move out immediately. It's like they have family issues. not closeness there among families there.