together, until the divorce was final as I took downstairs and he took upstairs. The love is basically gone and we operate as roommates pretty much respecting each others space. Well last night, he brought home a 'date" and at first I didn't really care,but just felt a little awkward. Later as I laid in bed last night, I started to get angry. So am I mad because I feel disrespected, or because I still care for him? This morning when I got up they were both gone already,but he'd left me a note saying that he was having over company tonight too. What should I do?
2006-07-28 04:33:27 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Part of the problem is that you may feel that your space has been violated. He has respected you by telling you when he wil have someone over, but even if he was just a regular male friend, you might feel awkward with another woman in the house.
This may be exacerbated by the fact that he is you soon-to-be-ex, so there may be a level of competition you have wiith this unknown woman; not because you miss your relationship, but because you don't want to think that someone can replace you...and so quickly. He cared enough to be married to you once, and it's a tough thing to get used to the relationship having ended, even if you no longer love him in the same capacity.
As I'm sure you know, being in the same house makes having closure between the both of you a lot more difficult. What is the reason you're living together and waiting until the divorce is final, when the relationship is already functionally over? If it's over, you may want to consider having your own space.
It may be good for you to date, but don't date new people just to spite him. Date only if you feel that you are ready.
2006-07-28 04:54:22 · answer #1 · answered by c00kie 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
You know him well enough to know if he is doing this to anger you or not. If not, could he be trying to get you jealous? It's a childish game, but maybe you shouldn't let him know it bothers you if he is trying to get you jealous. If he's not like that, then talk to him calmly when no one else is around and come up with "dating" rules if you insist on living together. What you don't see can't hurt you now. If you two aren't still sleeping together, then maybe he should see whoever he wants outside of your house. I would DEFINITELY feel disrespected, though, married or not. You'll always have feeling for each other. Something was there once between the 2 of you and a peice of you will always remember that.
2006-07-28 05:15:53 · answer #2 · answered by enigma_in_pieces 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think that you have made your bed and should lay in it. You agreed that you would stay in the same house and live as roomsmates and that includes having people over. Of course niether of you considered that part. Personally I think when two people decide to call it quits it means just that. Couples need to make a total and complete break to clean the pallet so to speak... to make a fresh start and to try to unload some bagage. Once you get rid of some of that bagage and cut those strings maybe an arrange can be reached.. become friends whatever...but there has to be some healing time...away from each other ...
2006-07-28 04:56:13 · answer #3 · answered by Jayme D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah you are mad. And understandably. For whatever reason, your marriage is over but it is just disrespectful to bring home a date. Those are things that should be kept out of the house he shared with you. Of course you still care. Even if you don't wnat him now, you did at one time and you might feel like he is replacing you too quickly. Best advice, figure out what you really want. Just by asking this question you are second guessing your decision. Talk to him about it, whatever your decision may be.
2006-07-28 04:47:34 · answer #4 · answered by crystal m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well. you're weird for living together during a divorce. Two, you'll just have to deal with it. Can you not find someone to bone in the house while he's doing the same? If you had any brains, you'd get your own place. But, you both decided this. Did you agree to not have people over, or sleep with other people? Either way, it's just stupid to be living together during a divorce. I don't see the logic in it.
2006-07-28 04:49:05 · answer #5 · answered by Gasman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your biggest problem is sharing the house even though the marriage is over. I understand that for financial reasons you may have thought this was the best move, but I suspect he is doing this to get you to move out. Kind of sleasy on his part, and certainly insensitive. Same goes for his "date". I wouldn't agree to do an overnight in the same house as my date's estranged wife. She must have a few problems of her own to think that's okay.
Do you have an attorney? Get some advice about what to do about selling the house, moving out, etc. He is pushing you out the door with this behavior. It was very disrespectful, and of course he knows that. I think it would be foolish to hook up with someone just so you could turn the table on him, though. Is keeping the house so important that you are willing to put up with this?
I do have some suggestions for you, that wouldn't require you to drag anyone else into things, and might make him and his date feel strange. When they arrive tonight, you could be walking around the house naked. Tell them if it's ok for them to "let it all hang out", so to speak, you thought they'd be ok with you doing the same. Or, open the bedroom door on them and just start chatting with your husband, like he was watching TV. When he protests, say, "Oh, this is my house too, and I thought based on your behavior that I could do anything I felt like doing too. Go ahead, just continue. If it doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother me."
2006-07-28 05:28:36 · answer #6 · answered by homebuyer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
can it be that maybe is your ego that is hurt. do you mind that he is seeing already other women or that you would like to do it too but he was quicker?
why feel disrespected? you are flatmates and soon single and theoretically you do not care.
the best thing to do for your ego is to go out tonight that he is having company at home and come early in the morning. In this case you will feel better and he will see as well that you are moving on.
but if you really want to be 'civilised' get to know the new girl and show that you do not give a damn at all.
2006-07-28 04:40:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anna K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a little weird but you should have made it clear that you don't want anyone else in the house he needs to completely moved out, then he can do whatever he wants.
your feelings are hurt because you see he can be nice/good to others and why couldn't he do that for you, so it makes you feel like he didn't care enough about you. it is not too late to make the Rules. He needs to move out and you need to get on with you life also.
2006-07-28 04:49:55 · answer #8 · answered by devika h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to tell whether your upset is because you are jealousy or you feel disrespect. However, I believe it is more like you feel he is not respecting you because I think he shouldn't bring a company back without your agreement. You should tell him frankly that you don't feel too comfortable when he brings a girl back. He should respect you. Overall, you two both own the house and you should have right to voice out what you can take and what you can't.
2006-07-28 04:41:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were living in seperate houses it would still bother you that he has decided to move on so quickly. I suggest discussing it with your soon to be x husband and if you decide you're selling the house both of you should work on selling then move and find a new place. It's always difficult knowng that the person you were in love with has moved on. Just be honest with yourself. You seperated for a reason so are you more upset he's dating or because he's not with you? Good luck
2006-07-28 04:40:22 · answer #10 · answered by christina s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋