I have just become single in the last 3 weeks but have a very weird situation to get out of. Me and my partner were together for 6 yrs.... he was "innocent" when we met but has notched up a tidy 11 on his bedpost... the last straw was march this year when i found out that he'd been having an affair for 5 months.. he's 22, she's 38 and supposed to be a friend... not a great friend but anyway... well he is still living with me as he has no where to go and i know thati am a mug and stupid and all the other things but we have a 3 year old son who idolises his daddy... He has apologised a thousand times, but i feel like i cant kick him out because i feel guilty. I do know the girl and asked her about it, she was quick enough to show me the txts they had sent each other, 60 in a month..... and on christmas day. My life has fallen apart around me.... how can i get myself back up again and maybe even meet someone new.....xxx please help me
2006-07-28 04:22:04 · 22 answers · asked by twizzle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
whats the point of advising you you wont listen
2006-07-28 04:32:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Apart from a couple of idiots most answers below are along the same lines. Most important person here is the little guy, and he will not benefit from the current situation. I've had friends in the situation and they have come out the other side better and stronger. Just remember that. I know it feels like the world has come to an end, but the worst has happened and your still here!!! He has to go - he got 11 women easily enough, sure he can find somewhere to stay!! Keep it on friendly terms tho - there is a child involved. I know it is difficult, but as I said - I know many people who have gone through this and come out of the other side - you can too, and you will. It is easy to advise when your on the outside of this situation, but really get rid of him - I know this from experience - HE WON'T CHANGE. Stop wasting your time - you don't need him. You won't miss him. You might miss the relationship, but not him. And what is stopping you from having a real relationship with someone who will RESPECT you - he is. Every day you put up with him is a day that you can cross off for meeting a potential partner who will do the one thing he has never done for you - RESPECT YOU. And your child. You have obviously given himevery chance and more, so you go girl. Relationships aren't everything - just remember - you have what most people don't have when a relationship goes belly up - your wonderful child and your self respect, so focus on that and start building yourself a new life with him as an occassional visitor to keep in touch with his kid. You can do it!!! I wish you all the luck in your new life. It';s not a door closing, but one opening.
2006-07-28 04:44:52 · answer #2 · answered by kitten3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to hear about your bad news...nearly the same thing happened to me. i broke up with my other half 3 weeks ago too only to be told he is going out to find someone new. The best thing you can do is tell him to get out.. in fact pack his bags and leave them outside - try and get someone to look after your children so they dont have to see it. Let him know that there are no more second chances. No doubt he'll tell you how sorry he is and that you should try again for the kids sake but he is walking all over you. Until you feel strong enough to deal with him, if you can tell him to make any arrangements to see his son through your mum or some other family member.It will be hard but you dont want to spend the rest of your lives together wondering where he is an with who. You and you kids deserve so much better dont give him the satisfaction.
HE HAS MADE HIS BED..LET HIM LIE IN IT.
2006-07-28 04:45:53 · answer #3 · answered by cazz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sure he can go and stay with one of his 11 women!
For the sake of your sanity show him the door.
He really isn't the best role model for your son, and your son will detect your unhappiness if your x partner is still around.
No woman should have to put up with that kind of treatment, you need to ask him to leave, pick yourself up concentrate on your son and worry about meeting someone else when you've worried about yourself for a minute!
It's ok to be single, it is scary and daunting I know but it's far better than being treated like an idiot.
2006-07-28 04:29:54 · answer #4 · answered by carly s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he felt enough about this woman to risk having an affair with her, let her find a bed for him. You have no direct obligation to him and he can leave.
You do have an indirect obligation. Whatever you do, don't interfere with his relationship with his son. Let them go out, be together and have a normal relationship. Doing things like denying access, or badmouthing the father to the child only hurts the child.
If he had wanted to live in the same house with his son, he shouldn't have cheated.
2006-07-28 04:35:42 · answer #5 · answered by cmriley1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard because you have a child with this man and every child needs a mom AND a dad. You should allow him to see his child when he can but your ex is not your child therefore you should not support him. Either move out, or kick him out so you can have time to breath! Eventually a new man will come into the picture but I say right now you don't need anything more than some time alone to re-evaluate what you need and want for yourself.
2006-07-28 04:27:23 · answer #6 · answered by Luna 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not alone as i to have just became single again and i have a 3 1/2 year old son and funnily enough i was with my ex for almost 6 years too,he asked me if he wanted me to stay for the sake of our son but i said no as i knew we`d just end up hating each other and resenting each other,as far as i know there was never any1 else involved with my ex,i dont think you should have him living with you at the moment until you know for sure what you really want,dont let him make you feel guilty about not having anywhere to go he`ll soon find somewhere believe me,he didn`t exactly feel guilty when he was seeing people behind your back did he??Dont stay with your bf/ex just for the sake of your son as it will only make you miserable and no doubt him in the future.You deserve to be with some1 who loves and respects you and who makes you happy and who you know you can trust 100%.I know it`s hard to imagine being with some1 else well it is for me but dont go out looking for some1 and thats when you`ll find them.I`ve arranged my first night out as a singleton in 3 weeks so you do the same when you feel ready to do so.Just be around your family and friends and keep busy but please dont keep your ex there at the moment cos if you do he`ll treat you like a bloody doormat for the rest of your life and let him continue being a father to his son,hope we both find what we`re looking for!goodluck,xxx
2006-07-28 04:47:01 · answer #7 · answered by onlyme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick him out, out, out. It's no good for your kid if he's still around and you have all these issues going on. It doesn't create a good role model for his life. And if your ex cares about his son, which I assume he does, he should do the best for him and leave.
He's brought it on himself - by cheating on you left right and centre, he knew he was risking his family and his home, so he needs to GO!
Don't feel guilty for your son. He'll be happy if you're happy - I was happier once my parents split. I love them both to bits, but always knew they were never meant to be together. Kids are resilient and loving and can cope.
Quicker you sort this situation out, you can be happy on your own, and even maybe meet someone else in future. You don't deserve to be this cheating man's cheap landlady.
All the best!
2006-07-28 04:30:56 · answer #8 · answered by Vix 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you have to do is tell him to leave. You cannot possibly still let him stay with you after what he's done. Kick him out right now. Start your life again, even if it means moving away somewhere different and try your best to forget about him. You deserve much better. Why isn't he staying with the tart he cheated with? Sounds like she doesn't want him either. Please get rid of him now.
2006-07-28 04:29:46 · answer #9 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your ex ... so kick him out, see a lawyer and make arrangements for him to properly take care of you and your child both financially and morally.
Let the 38yo "friend" have him if she wants him, you can always sever any relationship you had with her ... Then get a babysitter (grandparents are always good for this!), go out with your friends and get a social life where you can meet decent blokes who will accept you and your child for what you are!
Good luck!
2006-07-28 04:39:33 · answer #10 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick him out of the house, i too have been in the same boat. and to be honest he can still see your kid. my child is now 11 and we split when she was 2 and he still sees her. he using you at the moment so kick him out. the reason you don't want him out is because you don't want to be alone, admit it i know plenty of woman who like myself would not put up with crap like this and we have not. Just because you have kid don't use that as a excuse and Ur child as a weapon. if you such a mug as you say you are for forgiving him then you could live with him. at the end of the day he does not respect you or Ur child, he wanting his cake and eat it and one day you going to cop it with a STD or even worst if your still sleeping with him after he slept about. you can pick urself up i been cheated on in the past and i know it hurts, but think of your kid and yourself. you wont be on your open for too long. but as i say if you can have him living in your home after this. then i think you answers your own question.
2006-07-28 04:35:06 · answer #11 · answered by spin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋