Do u have a nice joke?

Question

The best joke wins 10 points

Answer 1

The Goodbye Letter

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion . . . Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has
a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, your son, Shawn.


P. S. Dad, None of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. i love you! call when it is safe for me to come home."

Answer 2

thunder_kok says how's this
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "**** him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Answer 3

Get Help!


Roy Rogers is riding through the Wild West on his trusty horse, Trigger, When he happens upon a group of Apache Indians.

Not the best pleased at having trespassers in the territory, The Indians capture Roy and bury him up to his chin in the sand. Before leaving him to die in the scorching heat, the Indians decide to grant him one last wish.

"Could I say a parting farewell to my trusty steed?" comes the request. The Indians seem to understand, and agree, so Roy beckons Trigger to come closer, and then whispers in his Ear. The horse bolts off at once in the direction of the nearest town.

Half an hour later, the horse returns with a gorgeous, scantily clad prostitute on its back. The prostitute jumps down from the horse and gently removes the small, frilly knickers she's wearing. Sitting astride Roy Rogers' face, she then proceeds to give him firsts, seconds and thirds of her fanny, almost suffocating him in the process.

Well, the Indians think this is magic and decide that he clearly deserves another wish. So Roy Beckons his horse again and whispers in his ear.

"I said fetch a posse, you stupid git!"

Answer 4

Saying the Right Thing…

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies,
"Oh, THAT… Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,

"Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken furniture - $85.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud - $3.00
Two Aspirins - $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time ...Priceless

Answer 5

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during an icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.
So the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, and the wife was flying down the next day. The husband checked into his hotel and there was a computer in his room, so he decided to e-mail his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address and without realizing his error, he sent it.
Meanwhile somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husbands funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail for messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message , she screamed and fainted. Her son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read;
To; My Loving Wife
Subject; I've arrived!
Date; Dec. 16, 2005

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here and you are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just arrived and checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. I hope your journey is as eventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

Answer 6

mom and dad say to son here is a pop for you now go on the porch and report every thing you see
child says I see Mr Smith out side walking his dog
there is an accident out here
an ambulance is here also
the police just came
Bobby mom is having sex then mom and dad jumped up how do you know that because he has a pop and he is on the porch to

thank you

Answer 7

a camel and an elephant were talking when all of a sudden the elephant says "y do u have 2 boobs on your back. and the camel looks at the elephant and says " i wouldnt be laughing for some1 that has a di*k on there face.... lol its not rly a joke but i think its dumb and funny

Answer 8

i was watching the show called cops and the cop saw 2 guys fighting and he went up to them and said y'all fighting tonight
and 1 of guys that was fighting said nope we are just boxing and
apparently im winning

Answer 9

Fubu jacket - $150
Platinum Grill - $500
Spinning Chrome Rims - $ 850
Realizing your white - PRICELESS

Answer 10

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.