what should I do? Do what she request or keep fighting?

Question

Hi once again, thanks & sorry if I am being a pain but this sight is my only help at the moment while coming to terms with Bipolar! If you have read any of my last post you would have seen that my partner has left me along with our 3month old baby due to a relapse that happened 3 weeks ago! prior to this I was receiving treatment for depression and after she left I was diagnosed with Bipolar. I have made every attempt to try and get her involved in my treatment, attend counceling so she can be educated on the condition without any success! I would like our family to still be together for our 3month old son and have him grow up in a family environment. In the wake of all this my partner has threatened she will not return home until I move out, this being I cannot see our son. Since then she has gotten an "Ouster Order" meaning the law can force me out of our family home. I would just up and leave BUT I currently do not have a job therefore no funds to move out, My phycologist does not

does not think it would be a good idea to move away from your natural environment while going through treatment. I know that verbal abuse there is no excuse for it, but what do you do when its beyond your control! I love my partner with all my heart since they day we first met and even though she is punishing me right now for not being her with because of my condition, my feelings for her will never change! I have a book called loving someone with bipolar that I would like to give to her to read, It basically sets out what its like for the person going through and give some non bias ideas for all to cope! I want to work thru this with all my heart! I dont know whether I should give her the book in person or send it before she returns? I would also like to suprise her with something when she walks in the door any suggestions??

Answer 1

If you want to prove to her that you are willing to do what it takes to get her to give you a chance move out. That doesn't mean you can't call her and visit your son while you work it out. I'm sorry that she is refusing to help you through all that, she is wrong in her abandonment of you. Unless you've done something to harm her or your son she is over reacting. Being Bi-Polar isn't a prison sentence. You are not crazy. I've been bi-polar my entire life as has most of my family, but you know what, I'm leading a happy life filled with love of family and friends. Maybe you just need to effect a change before she can live with you right now.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear of the problems you are having my friend. And I'm sorry to hear that this site is your only help at the moment. Being positive, it a big breakthrough that you have been diagnosed as bi-polar. Here in the UK it can take 8 years. You will now get the help you need. I wish I could help you more but I am not trained or qualified to.

To address your question, if your partner has obtained this order, you will no choice but to leave your family home.....for the time being. So it may make a good impression on your partner if you do it quickly and quietly. If she sees you behaving rationally, it may reassure her that you will soon be on the road to recovery. That way, you may all be back together again sooner rather than later.
I don't know if there is a welfare program in your country to help you support yourself until times are less hard?

My advice is to co-operate. It will be better for you in the long run. Your question seemed unfinished, by the way.....
Good luck, my friend. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

It is very possible that your girlfriend can't cope with your illness and she thinks you may hurt the baby.

Get yourself some independant advice. You need help with your housing problem first (you may have to go and see your local homelessness team) and only then can you sort out the family problems.

It may be that you won't get together as a "proper" family again but you can apply for access to your child.

You do have a phycologist and maybe you also need a phyciatrist or CPN (sorry my spelling isn't good today). Could your partner go with you to an appointment (or more than one)? She would then be able to tell how your illness is affecting day to day life and also other things that yopu may not be aware of. It might also help put her mind at ease and bring stuff into perspective. Please keep on with your medication.

Could you get a friend or relative to give your partner the book? If you send it to her she may just trash it.

To make her feel special? Flowers, chocolate and / or perfume are good. Does she have a hobby that you could get her something for? You need to make her feel cherished and loved.

Magerious - sorry but I don't think you have a background in mental health awareness. Don't judge until you have been there.

May it all work out for you.

Answer 4

You have a number of issues you have to address. Your condition (bipolar) is probably making everything even more difficult to handle. You must break your situation down into smaller, more manageable pieces. If I understand your situation, you want to resolve issues about the composition of your household (you, you and baby, or you and partner and baby), your financial situation, and where you will live. Until you can control your financial situation, the others will probably not be under your control. So you need funds. Find out if you qualify for housing, employment, or legal assistance, while you are attempting to find a job. Don't count on your partner for help or moral support. You may be able to salvage your relationship later, but you can't worry about that now because it is way out of your hands. When you have a stable home situation, it will be easier to deal with raising a baby and trying to woo back your partner. Set your goals, try to figure out what needs to happen in order to reach each goal, and begin accomplishing those intermediate steps. Good luck, I will keep you in my thoughts.

Answer 5

I know it is hard, but you should find someone who will understand what you are going through, whom may let you stay with them for a short while, leave the book for your girlfriend behind for her to read, perhaps she will have a chance to read it and think about what it is she wants to do. Sounds like you two are butting heads, and she needs time to absorb what you are telling her. I am sure she understands that you are not well, but maybe some time apart may help. They says absence makes the heart grow fonder. As for your son, you could always apply for visitation order, if you are a good person, they should have no problem making it good for you. I just think that maybe you are pushing too hard on her and if you don't give her a little space, you will push her away for ever.

Answer 6

Warning! Bad News :( :( :(

By the sound of it, unfortunately your marraige is over. It seems like she is completely refusing to stay with you because you are bipolar. The best advice I can give you is to move in with a friend and get a job, and prepare yourself for a very ugly divorce.

If you want to have even partial custody of your son, follow this advice: Get a job so that you can prove that you're able to support yourself and him. Visit with your shrink and get written proof from him that you're stable enough to care for a child.

I'm sorry that I have to be the bearer of bad news, but it looks like this is the inevitable. One last peice of advice on the whole "Do what she request or keep fighting?" part, DO NOT violate that "Ouster Order!" When it come time for the divorce, if you broke it she WILL use it against you.

best of luck to you...

Answer 7

Well I am new to this site and I think it is fantastic. I am no doctor but I can give some advice since I am engaged to a wonderful father and friend myself. He finally is divorced but the journey has been a long one. His ex wife is Bipolar also. She has been for yrs. and it is a disease with many compilations and one must pray to keep sane. I hope that you get the medication that seems to keep these patients semi normal. It is so important so check into it and I think also counseling. I understand both sides and there are times when I feel myself that I must leave my relationship because the ex never stops!!! Keep the faith. :-)

Answer 8

You should leave, get better and then legally reenter your child life.

NOTHING IN YOUR BEHAVIOR IS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL!
You decided to say what you did, you decided the words, the sentences and the tone in which you delivered them...HOW ABOUT taking responsibility for your actions instead of HIDING behind excuses?

Would you want to live with you? Have horrible things said to you and then be expected to forgive and forget because, "its not my fault I have a disorder..wah wah..."

You are a parent TRY ACTING LIKE AN ADULT! Take responsibility for your actions.

Having some empathy for other people would help you recover from you bi-polarism, because in its essence people who are bi-polar are selfish, self interested, self-involved narcissists with a huge entitlement complex.

Stop thinking about yourself, and think of your baby! WHY DON'T you have a job? Because you were too depressed? TOO BAD, you HAVE to support your child, try thinking of HIM instead of of how YOU feel and you will start recovering.

Just remember every single time you think "I am soo depressed, sad/angry/sick/bipolar/whatever to work/talk to my child/deal with stress or whatever...that you are being a selfish rectum, and you need to SHIFT the FOCUS to your CHILD.

Answer 9

You need to leave and concentrate on getting better for the sake of your child. You are at a bottom and need to seek out family or friend willing to take you in "temporarily" until you can get a place of your own.

Work with your therapist and set up your goals on getting a job and a place of your own. The next step is to be there for your son even if your relationship is over.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Are you able to go to her friends or family and tell your side of this, and ask them to help you really talk things through with her.

it sounds like you have behaved in a manner that has lead her to feel she needs to protect her child from you. I know that sounds harsh but it doesnt take much to do that to a new mother. We think about more than just the baby's physical safety, they need mental and emotional stability to grow into functional humans as well.

I'd also go find yourself a lawyer to help you. If it comes down to it you might need a mediator to allow you two to sit down and hash things out.

I'd also try to convince her to go to couseling with you, like you already have been, just keep pushing for it.

People who are bipolar tend to be verbally abusive, if not physically, and its hard for them to really realize the damage they have, or are, causing. Keep that in mind. You cant expect her to move on into the future without fixing past wrongs.

This sounds like a rough situation, but iam sure you can find a way to atleast try and make it work, if she can be willing.