i have been with my fiance for 9 years i think its time to get married my fiance said we should wait should i?

Question

give him a ultimation if he doesnt marry me soon we should just split now theres no point staying together if its not going to lead anywere

Answer 1

aren't you forgetting to mention that you have a 6 year old together? Legally you have a common law marriage already. It seems like it already is as far as it will go. You clearly chose this life somewhere in your past. You'd haveto think about if you can really live that way or if the life as a single mom would be right for you.

Answer 2

I would sit down and really have a heart to heart with your fiance. It might not actually be that he is not ready to get married, it might just be a severe case of cold feet. My sister was wth her now husband for 11 years holding off another year, another year, and up till the day, and including the day of their wedding, he was so nervous. He was worried about how much things would change. But by this time they already had a house and two kids, what else could change? Maybe a little reasuring would help? see what he wants to do for the wedding to get mor einvolved that might help to. Do you have a good relationship other then this problem? If so, it's probably just cold fee, if this is just one of many, the I would stop wating my time and find someone that wants the same out of life. Good luck:)

Answer 3

Sounds like you've done your fair share of waiting. If you're happy just being "common-law", then heck, stick with it, but if marriage/commitment is really what you're really looking for, let him know exactly where you stand, an ultimatum may not be a wise idea, but just speak openly & honestly with him, see where that takes you. Also, think of your true reasons why you want to get married so badly, is it just the time you've been engaged? Find out why he thinks more time is needed...and if all else fails, seeing a counsellor may help out, someone who is unbiased, before actually breaking up with him. Good luck in any decision you make, it will be difficult.

Answer 4

Personally, I wouldn't want to worry that he married me because I threatened him. I waited for over a decade for the 'right' time to marry my husband and I'm not sorry. If he's worth it and you have no other complaints then wait and let him decide when he's ready. Would you want to be forced into doing something you weren't ready for like having a baby or moving to a far away city where you didn't have any friends, just because he gave you an ultimatum? What kind of relationship has people threatening other people? If you can't wait and he's not ready maybe you need couples counseling.

Answer 5

I was with my husband over nine years before we got married. Like you I felt that it doesn't take that long to decide whether or not you want to be married to someone. It wasn't until I got tired of him putting it off and decided I was done waiting that he finally woke up and realized what he was going to be missing. I didn't say marry me or else it's over. I just made the decision that if he didn't want to marry me I would just move on because there was somebody out there who wanted the same type of relationship that I desired to have. He tried all his little stunts to work his way back in but it just didn't work so easy this time. We were apart for over a year before I decided he...... was serious about us. He asked me to marry him and it made our relationship better. We work together now instead of making sure he had his stuff and I had mine. Our families even said things are different but better.

Answer 6

He doesn't want to get married so an ultimatum won't work. But it doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you. Marriage is a very serious matter and he probably understands that it means forever. You should be glad he takes it seriously. It doesn't have to be personal meaning he doesn't want to get married and not just to you. Has he been married before? Why do you want to get married? What will it change in your relationship? Just make sure you're not trying to marry him because of what others are saying about you two being together for so long and not being married.

Answer 7

Do you honestly think that by been married things between you will be different, no except for a certificate that you have to run round everyone with to prove who you are now, women have to have one to prove their a MRS men don't need to bother, why do you think you need to be married for your relationship to be going anywhere, Jesus get a grip girl, married is wonderful if its what both of you want, but pointless if only one of you does want it, did he want to get engaged or was he, both of you pressured into that, have you asked him why you should both wait to get married, maybe he is just content with the life you have together now, if he can't give you a valid reason then I suggest you ask yourself if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, wearing a pretty dress and walking down an aisle isn't going to change either of you cause you have already made the changes by been together,

Answer 8

I just came from a similar situation. I was with my ex for 10 years and we wanted different things. I was ready to marry and have a family and he was partying. So i decided to leave and move to a new state, start fresh. I still love him very much and i always will but i have moved on to pursue what i want. If this is something you want and hes not willing to give it then yea leave. Dont give an ultimatum, those are jus sticky. However you do need to discuss it with him and decide whats best for you. If you guys aren't on the same page then its maybe time for you to go. Its gonna hurt so bad but u need to do what makes u happy.

Answer 9

Most people would be married and divorced 2-4 times within 9 yrs.

It's too long to be waiting for a proposal of marriage. If you are financially independent it should be fine to carry on with him without the piece of paper. In the event that he changes to someone you no longer want to be with you can just dump him. No hassle with the legality of divorce, just dust your bottom and leave, so easy.

Answer 10

If you can think of splitting up, then you should leave now. As to not leading anywhere after 9 years, why do you think a worthless marriage certificate would change that. Your future husband should be your soul mate, someone you can say anything to. If he is not, then go find a real man.