cant help it???please help??

Question

i am 18 and had a miscarriage may 18 i was 5 months. i still talk to my ex. bf sometimes but makes me more bitter we were not talking when it happened and dont really talk about what happened it makes me mad and unhappy i still am in love with him. i am dating a new guy and its not helping i just realized i am dating him because he reminds me of my ex. bf. i met my ex. new gf and creepy she a lot like me even in looks but most of all in personality this bothers me. and most recently i have the yearning to get pregnant again even though i will be starting college this september worse my ex.bf and i are attending same school and have at least one class together.i look at my ultra sound pics i have and cry and i cant babysit my 8 month old baby cousin anymore cause it hurts. the more i pretend i dont hurt the more i hurt inside. i try to pretend with my ex. bf that i dont care but i do! trying for as many opions as possible.

went to a therapist and was advised to rite letter to my ex. bf or try telling myself? i cant seem to bring myself to do so?
my ex. bf was first everything on top of it.

i am starting to take things out on current bf

Answer 1

You are far too young and clearly not financially or emotionally responsible enough to have a baby. Finish school, get a job then have a baby, you're a young girl don't mess up your life now.

Answer 2

if you write the letter to your boyfriend or to yourself, it will help just to get those emotions out. the saying "pressure busts pipes" is so appropriate right now. if you continue to "pretend" that you're not effected by the mis-carriage you will eventually "explode" in most likely an unhealthy way. i don't think that you should be dating right now. this time needs to be about healing yourself and preparing for your future. you mentioned attending college in the fall; that is something to look forward to as it will dramatically change your world. two years from now you won't be the same person. and five years from now you will be even more different than you ever thought. your miscarriage is unfortunate but everything happens for a reason. at least now you see how much your emotional health actually matters to your ex-boyfriend.
you two haven't talked about the miscarriage, right? he has a new girlfriend now and it's only been two months? i know that you think you love him and that he loves you. but, sweetie, love doesn't abandon you when that is what you need the most. so what if you two weren't together when the miscarriage happened. as a father, he would have needed to be there through thick and thin, good and bad news. and you see how he ran away from the real issue.
take this summer to think about your life. don't be too hard on yourself because it wasn't your fault. continue going to therapy. forget about the ex and the new boyfriend. dating is not important right now. your mental and emotional health are what matter most. and, please, don't think that another pregnancy/baby will close the empty hole in your heart.
after every storm, there is a rainbow. things will get better. good luck.

Answer 3

You should forget about both boyfriends and go to college. Once you get there you will forget about the boyfriends anyway. There is so much to learn and see and find out about yourself when you go to college. Having a boyfriend at home just messes everything up and stresses you out. Going to college without any attachments will make it a much better experience for you. It's the best thing you will ever do for yourself.

I'm sorry about your miscarriage but don't get pregnant again now. You are only 18! You haven't had any life experiences yet. You are very lucky that you are able to go to college and make something of yourself. Having children is something that will change your life forever and if you have a baby now you will never finish college or travel or have a career. When you are 30 years old you will look back and wish you'd had some fun in your 20s because that's when you get to really grow up and find out who you are. Wait until after you are finished with school and have been out in the working world for a few years before you even start thinking about kids. You should be married or at least in a stable, monogamous relationship before starting a family. Having your education and some life experience will make you a MUCH better mother to your child and a better wife to your husband.

Answer 4

It doesnt sound like you should be in a relationship with ANY guy right now. You have been through a physical and emotional tragedy and need time to heal. You and the ex weren't talking when the miscarriage occured so there were obviously issues back then. First you need to deal with the loss of your child, and because I have never gone through such a heartache I can not begin to tell you how to do that EXCEPT therapy and support group for women who have also gone through it. The current boyfriend; although he may be supporting you through this, you got with him for the wrong reasons and you should really think about what is best for both of you right now. The ex-boyfriend should be the least of your issues because he has already moved on. I wish you well.

Answer 5

I am sorry that you lost your baby, but everything happens for a reason, even if it doesn't make sense at the time. I think that your feelings for your bf are tied up with your feelings for your baby. Obviously you had some issues with him even before your miscarriage.
College is very important, and you have plenty of time in your future to settle down and have babies. At eighteen, you should be having fun, meeting lots of new people, and dating around. I know you will always have the pain of your lost child, but try not to let it overshadow what should be a wonderful time in your life.

Answer 6

Healing of this nature takes time. I miscarried 9 years ago, but am still involved with the same man, not a week goes by I do not think about what could've been.
Your therapist is right. You need CLOSURE. A letter would help, as we tend to be more expressive in writing than we are verbally. Good luck.

Answer 7

First of all, Hello.

I want to ask you pray for you and for your baby.
Also think of GOD, GOD can heal your soul and
get you out of your today's situation.

Beyond our lives here on earth There is GOD who
sends us down trials some harder than others.
You can pray the Chaplet of The Divine Mercy:

http://www.catholicity.com/prayersdevotions/divinemercy.html

Pray for your baby, for you and for your life.
Ask GOD with your Heart and Your Soul
That a Good Boy and a Good Husband
May Come To Your Life and You will see
How Your Life Is Going To Change. Pray,
Pray, Pray and Pray.

I feel your pain like mine. Although it is never like
to live it and endure one self. I want to you overcome
your situation the best way it must be.

Finally, you can know GOD like never before. He is
talking to some people. Read the True Life In GOD.
http://www.tlig.org

Hope it would be useful somehow to you. I am 38.

Answer 8

Talk with your parents and heed their good advice. You need the guidance of a mature person who can see past your emotions and guide you back to happiness and joy. Finally, try Jesus, He is always available to assist you in tyring times. Father, In Jesus Name please erase the pain of past experiences, so that your daughter can be free to do your will. Give her the wisdom and grace to withstand the changes she will have to apply to her life to move forward in Peace. The wisdom to see that even though it may be hard in the future she will look at this experiences as stepping stones to where you are taking her. Thank you for accepting her baby into heaven and taking care of her on earth. AMEN

Answer 9

College will help. I think you need to take a break from relationships period. The loss of a child takes time to heal!

Answer 10

Sounds like you need to continue your therapy before you make a huge mistake.