How do I know it's really not because of me?

Question

my husband and I dont really have a great sex life any more. He says he has trouble getting an erection. I feel like he isnt attracted to me any more, he says that i am not the problem. But what else could it be.

In response to BH... it is causing more problems.. I have tried to talk to him but all he will say is it has nothing to do with me.

he is 36 yrs

together 12 yrs

Answer 1

You don't mention his age. Male sex drive declines over the years, though most men are still interested and able to have sex well into old age. Charlie Chaplin fathered is last child at age 75.

Depression, heart problems, and a range of other medical conditions can affect a man's ability to achieve or sustain an erection. Erectile Dysfunction (ED) has become big business for the drug companies, but has to be properly diagnosed by a doctor - if he wants to improve things, he should arrange for a referral to a specialist.

You also don't mention how long you've been together. For everyone in a long term relationship, boredom sets in. Particularly if there are young kids involved, the most that is available is quick intimacy at times when you both feel able, and it usually falls into a routine (for example, tonight at 6 while Susan is at soccer practice).

If you have young kids, leave them with someone for the weekend and go have a romantic break in a hotel - even if you go to one in the same town, it's a change of scene and can restart things.

If you and your partner have not discussed your fantasies (you both have them!) then do so. Maybe he wants you to dress up (and maybe you want him to). Maybe he'd like some role-play where you imagine your are Lady Chaterly and the gardener! He might also be interested in some fetishes, which if you are willing to try, might lead to more fun in the bedroom. Do not however feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to try or that would make you uncomfortable. Love is about pleasing one another from a position of mutual respect - it should not be a power play where one is in charge and the other is subservient (unless of course, THAT is one of your fantasies!)

Answer 2

The 2 reasons possible are: psychological or physical, i.e. Worries or bad health condition.
The more he will have negative tries the worrier he will become. Sometimes the blue pill help to get over that fear.

Question number 1: Does he have a hard on when he wakes up in the morning?
if yes the worries might take over his pleasure.
If not he should see a caring doctor and discuss the matter with him.

Answer 3

Y'all need to work together to find out what else it could be. It's likely he knows what the problem is (if it's physical or mental or stress or too tired or whatever) or at least what it's not...talk to him about it..." okay honey, since it's not me then let's find out what the problem is, so we can get our sex life back on track"

An unsatisfying sexual relationship can affect other areas of your marriage...work on getting this resolved before it gets bigger than it should be (no pun intended)...

Perhaps suggest he see his doc, to talk about ways to alleviate the stress or for help with erectile dysfunction if that's the problem...

Good luck!

Answer 4

It can be a lot of things ... Stress, High Cholesterol, Diabetes, he needs to see a Urologist to help find the problem

Answer 5

You might suggest he talk to his doctor about it. There may be a medical reason for it and some medication might help.

Answer 6

Wear some fishnet stockings. That always gets MY guy up.

Answer 7

Try viagra !

Answer 8

try your best to make him stand again.

Answer 9

It probably is you.