My boyfriend of almost two years and I were at a gay bar with some friends. There was a hot guy on the other side of the room. One of the people in the group pointed out this guy and we all looked. As we were looking, my boyfriend said, "Oh, I would so tap that."
We're in a monogamous relationship, and he's made comments like this in the past. I've called him out on it, and he says that his idea of saying he would "tap that", "get on that", etc. is the same as saying he thinks the guy is attractive.
How should I take these comments when he makes them about other guys? Should I feel threatened or worried that he isn't satisfied in our relationship?
2006-07-28 02:50:38 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
DON'T TAKE IT LIGHTLY!
2006-07-28 02:53:31 · answer #1 · answered by ☺Everybody still loves Chris!♥▼© 1 · 0⤊ 4⤋
I remember when I was at the 2 year mark with my partner, and he would say things like that and I would feel a little insecure about it as well. It would cause a lot of fights. We've been together for about 4 years now, and things have drastically changed. We actually kind of enjoy scoping out the scene together now and making comments about guys we think are hot. It's like a past time of ours. I think I came to the point when I realized that we are in a monogamous relationship, deeply in love, and satisfied sexually with each other, but it's still ok to find other guys attractive. Finding another guy attractive and making comments about it doesn't mean the person is going to cheat on you. It just means exactly what it means.
However the important thing here is that it is making you uncomfortable. That is a big sign that you two should really talk about the situation. I am in no way saying that you need to feel comfortable with it. But I do think you should strive to set boundaries as to what is appropriate and what is not. He should respect what makes you uncomfortable and abide by it. That is just basic respect when in a relationship. Good luck.
2006-07-28 10:10:34 · answer #2 · answered by Bob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you trust your boyfriend, I wouldn't be worried. Trust is a big thing in relationships, and if you trust he really loves you, and you are in a monogomous relationship, I wouldn't worry about it. I'd laugh and agree that the guy is hot if you do. Checking out hot guys is like a sport to some people, so he may just be making a playful comment, especially if others are around. It's like a way of being a part of the group. No matter if you're single or not, there may be other guys you'll find attractive as well.
As for him being satisfied, that you'll have to work out yourself. Does his body language confidently declare you as his lover aka. shoulder squeezing, holding hands, hands around the waist. If he laughs and smiles around you and seems happy, I'd say you have it pretty good and odds are he is satisfied. Good luck you two.
2006-07-28 10:45:47 · answer #3 · answered by dnnzak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel!!! I'm fortunate enough in that my partner is very respectful of me and she does not make comments about other women. I would be irate if she did and very hurt. No, I do not think you are out of line by being a little hurt by his comments. If you and your boyfriend have good communication then I would try to find a way to let him know that comments like this bother you a great deal.
2006-07-28 10:59:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I validate your negative feelings. IT is highly disrespectful.
You don't go to your boss and say I SO WANT THIS JOB i learned about. do you? it's also unethical. COME on.
and he has his explanation as a translation for that's attractive? he's not on the same page. move on.
KNOWING THAT if that guys hear those "i'd tap that" as an invite.......that is so wrong. he's making up his meaning for the word.
2006-07-28 09:55:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel threatened darling. If he says that his comments aren't anything to worry about, then don't worry! However, you should tell him that his comments are bothering you and that he should try to rephrase his words in a better way. If he's any kind of boyfriend, he'll understand and respect your feelings.
2006-07-28 09:59:36 · answer #6 · answered by dyno 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't worry about it. First he has been with you long enough to show his devotion. Take him for his word that it is just an expession.
If there are other things that give you doubt it may be another thing. But this alone should not cause alarms.
2006-07-28 10:24:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is being honest and it is just a figure of speech for him, however he should respect that it bothers you and its not a big deal for him not to say it, many gay men think its ok to cruise other guys while with their partner, i think its kinda disrespectful, but have done it myself.
2006-07-28 10:22:08 · answer #8 · answered by batai_68 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How confident are you that he's yours? Do you trust him? Do you begrudge him eye candy? Is it just the turn of phrase?
Unfortunately I can't answer the above for you, only you can and you'll have to act on your answers accordingly.
2006-07-28 09:59:20 · answer #9 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
god i hate when guys do that. my ex used to do it in front of me all the time. i hated him for it. it just made me feel worse and worse about myself to the point where i couldnt take it. my repeated attempts to bring it to his attention failled so i took it as a sign that he obviously didnt care about me or my feelings and dropped that bastard. we had been together 5 yeras too.
so i would say, bring it to his attention, again. if he doesnt care what you think, rethink your relationship. do you really want to feel degrated by the person who is supposed to be completely in love with you and only you?
2006-07-28 09:56:50 · answer #10 · answered by mickey g 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mum says that about guys around my dad. You can look as long as your not touching.
2006-07-28 10:28:17 · answer #11 · answered by djw008 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋